June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Welcome to the Speakers' Corner, where members presented monthly seminars.

Moderators: Bracken, Oakapple

Forum rules
If you find a topic of interest and want to continue the discussion then start a new topic under The Hearthfire with a similar name and add a link back to the topic you want to continue.
To copy a link just copy the url on the top left of your browser and then put in your post, highlight it and press the url button.
User avatar
Bracken
OBOD Druid
Posts: 3363
Joined: 30 Dec 2006, 03:51
Gender: Female
Location: The Lancashire moors.
Contact:

June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Bracken » 01 Jun 2010, 09:19

For our June seminar, anewton has sent me this seminar on Man and God. He is unable to post it himself today, so I am posting it for him, but he will be back soon to join in the discussion.




Man and god
By
Andrew Bear Newton

Funny thing faith, For the longest time in my life I was never sure the gods were real, like a lot of people yes I thought probably something like God or Goddess or great spirit existed but I was never really sure.
This is the story of how I became sure the God and Goddess exist.

It starts when I’m a child, for reasons I won’t go into in depth, other than to say you can find some of them on a certain section of the OBOD web board if you look hard enough, Its fair to say my life was haunted by a great darkness I did not understand, and so I shut myself away from the world, built wall after wall, created my own castle of glass to hide away in.
Castle of glass, glass armour, spear, hmm sounds all a bit Celtic this. Why did I choose those images to protect myself with? The answer lies in science fiction/fantasy and the astonishing amount of occult material I’d managed to get my hands on by the age of 12. I used to have a standing joke with PCG that I never read any books in the 20 or so years I’ve been around the order , well I read 100s of books when I was young, pretty much everything that had been published so I had a lot to go on. When I came into the order I did not want to read more have my thoughts clouded by other people’s ways of doing things, I wanted to find my own way.

I was still reading at this point, many years of reading everything and anything had passed, and one particular set of science fantasy books suddenly struck a chord with me, the story of a misfit, sent back in time, and coming across a race of aliens who used glass technology, had mythical weapons of the sword, the spear, the cauldron and who sued a singing stone, with names like dagda, luggon, fafnir and so on; clearly based on the old Celtic legends that had fascinated me so many years previously , and I started to dream that perhaps I was that misfit hero.

And so I started to play luggon in particular online, in the very early days of what would go on to become the internet, mostly as a rampaging killer at first, I became quote notorious as aiken-lugonn on SX-MUD, MUDII and a number of other online MUDs (multi user dungeon, text based no graphics back then!).

Then one day I found myself in a game type I’d not come across before, a game called Gods, where killing brought you nothing, only co-operation worked, a game where the aim wasn’t to become a wizard of infinite power but to become a loved and adored God.

Somewhere in that process; Playing the god became real, the light of lugh started to shine in the dark, I’d opened a gateway into my own darkness, and at last I could see.

I think it’s only when I saw the light I really began to feel quite how much pain and hurt I’d locked away with me.
Years passed, years of pain and darkness, and then one day I found a way to get away from the bad situation I was in, locks were left undone, and over the course of 24 hours left my old life behind and moved to Oxford.

Now free of at least the physical shackles that had bound me it was here I decided to look for other people like me.
I came into contact with some rather dubious characters In Oxford at first, and I tended to have a rather hopeless habit of falling in love with just about any woman unlucky enough to cross my path at the drop of a hat, a habit it would take me many years more to begin to loose, and it would be a further year, my 30th until I would have my first sexual relationship with a woman where I wasn’t an unwilling victim.

Among the dubious character was one gem, a woman called Anne, and it was she who introduced me to the fellowship of Isis, but at that time relating to the path of the Goddess was impossible for me. Eventually a friend introduced me to the newly opened OBOD, and I began the journey through the grades, but that all pervasive dark, ah that still haunted me.
Some wonderful things happened in bardic grade, and among them I came to understand that dark, and yet light star bear was not actually outside me but part of me, that the reality is that that wonderful rich dark is so much part of my power as who I am it needed to be embraced and loved and welcomed, and the darker it was, the brighter the light. I got told a lot to love myself, its great advice but it really does not help when you have no idea what love is really.

Ovate was fascinating, and I revelled in it, finding out about my witch ancestors, diviation,a nd the trees, my family and that even that briefly I’d had a twin sister that I’d never known about but who died at birth, I began to understand who I am, and I even did both bardic and ovate grades twice.

And so into druid grade, feeling lie at long last this was my true home within the order, creating the first ever online druids guild in a game, creating many of the powers and abilities like shape shift and items like totems you still see in many games where you play a druid now, and the gift of the druid grade goresedd at the end, but still even then I had not worked out how to love myself, but druid grade is a bit like that in each of our journeys we all learn different things at different times, some simple things, some very hard lesions not learnt until perhaps years after we’ve ‘finished’ the gwersi, and yet I was really no nearer to believing in the God than I had been 15 years ago.

Then I returned to druid camps, and the moment I stepped onto the Beltane field below dragon hill something very strange but very wonderful began to happen., strange images began to parade before my eyes open or shut, a wonderful feeling of warmth and wellbeing followed me around, and as we began the men’s process I knew in my heart i was to be that years may king; And then the bottom dropped out of my world, I put my foot down a rabbit hole and severely damaged my ligaments in my ankle as I found out later, all those hopes had come crashing down....

And yet, something even stranger began to happen, the facilitator of the men’s lodge suggested someone could run in my place, a champion, if I was chosen as a candidate, the women moved the scheduled meeting of to be chosen king and queen from the top of dragon hill to the middle of camp.
Sure enough i was chosen as candidate, and off m champion went, I sat alone in the men’s yurt, but yet I wasn’t alone, a horned figure appeared gradually, stood with me, warmth and love flooding through me, into me, with me and holding me, and I knew I’d won long before the men returned to the yurt.

And so this is how I know how the God is real, you see I’ve met him, he choose to come and stand with me and walk with me and within me step for step, breath for breath, for a year and a day, and what was my quest?, ah to learn to love myself.
It’s been four years now since that moment, of the year and a day when the God walked with me, it was the most intense initiation, extraordinary experience of love I’ve had, and yes I did and have learnt to love myself, and no that work is never finished.

Since that journey I’ve gone back to the fellowship of Isis, discovered that the great mystery of the Goddess is just as real in a very different way, but man and God and Goddess, well that’s another story.
Image

User avatar
anewton
OBOD Druid
Posts: 280
Joined: 11 May 2006, 21:29
Gender: Male
Location: Very North Buckinghamshire
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby anewton » 01 Jun 2010, 16:46

slight confusion between momma b and me there, but heres a bit i amended

blessings


But a last word on man and God, this is a seminar after all, so I can't promise you too can meet the god, but perhaps if you take yourself out to the trees and forest, and you lie in the shade of a tree or hedge or just in the grass, and open yourself and ask, and let go that the god might come to you, then maybe just maybe he will.
anewton
OBOD Druid
Image
Image http://www.druidry.org/board/dhp/viewto ... 86&t=36163 Speakers corner Seminar Man and God

User avatar
Ghostrider
OBOD Bard
Posts: 1619
Joined: 16 Jan 2007, 00:49
Gender: Male
Location: Rotterdam, The Netherlands
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Ghostrider » 05 Jun 2010, 04:32

:hug: Wonderfull thing to read!

I guess the Gods and Godesses open up to all of us in different ways and in their own good time.
Image
"I don't suffer from INSANITY!! I enjoy every minute of it!"

R0wdy Atomic WEDGIE-master

Image
2007 SBImage
Image
Finder of lost Message board Souls of the Most Holy (or not) Order of Slightly Reformed Non-Visigoth Circus Performers

User avatar
Aurora
OBOD Bard
Posts: 978
Joined: 23 May 2006, 13:32
Gender: Female
Location: Sydney, Australia
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Aurora » 07 Jun 2010, 01:21

That was wonderful, Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your journey with us :hug:
ImageImage

Wisdom begins in wonder-Socrates

User avatar
Bracken
OBOD Druid
Posts: 3363
Joined: 30 Dec 2006, 03:51
Gender: Female
Location: The Lancashire moors.
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Bracken » 01 Jul 2010, 10:25

Thank you so much, dear Bear.

I feel a little sad that so few people turned up to read your seminar, and I feel that over the past few months fewer and fewer board members have been getting involved in the Seminar Series. I have had a great time, but now I'm thinking about bringing it to a close.

There is a seminar due today, so let's see how it goes...
Image

User avatar
Twig
OBOD Bard
Posts: 4243
Joined: 05 Dec 2006, 02:55
Gender: Female
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Twig » 05 Jul 2010, 08:14

Sorry to be so late in reading this... I was deeply rewarded by having done so. I feel hopeful beginning my journey (even at my age!) by reading such a deep and personal account of yours. Thank you, anewton.
"...some part of me is tree." -- Stephanie Kaza (Buddhist author)

"It takes courage to live ordinary lives." -- Connie Schultz (newspaper columnist)

:awen: :terra: :seasons:

http://www.elephants.com

User avatar
Bracken
OBOD Druid
Posts: 3363
Joined: 30 Dec 2006, 03:51
Gender: Female
Location: The Lancashire moors.
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Bracken » 09 Jul 2010, 10:25

Do you know, this seminar has really stayed with me. As opposed to the "how to" type seminars, or those that impart knowledge on a certain topic, I feel that this material is incredibly difficult to put into words. I would like to thank anewton for struggling with that on our behalf, and making the invisible visible.

Following a discussion HERE the seminar series will be going ahead.

Stay tuned.
Image

User avatar
anewton
OBOD Druid
Posts: 280
Joined: 11 May 2006, 21:29
Gender: Male
Location: Very North Buckinghamshire
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby anewton » 09 Jul 2010, 15:50

you are all very welcome, I'm very glad my somewhat different approach to a seminar has stuck such a deep chord.

often things in druidry have a natural lifecycle, maybe the seminar series just needs a rest or a re-framing, but then often these threads are only found by the right people at the right time, so who knows.


ps if you would pm me on how to convert my untidy link to a nice neat one like yours i'd apreciate it :D

hugs love n blessings
Image
Image http://www.druidry.org/board/dhp/viewto ... 86&t=36163 Speakers corner Seminar Man and God

User avatar
Bracken
OBOD Druid
Posts: 3363
Joined: 30 Dec 2006, 03:51
Gender: Female
Location: The Lancashire moors.
Contact:

Re: June Seminar: "Man and God" by anewton.

Postby Bracken » 09 Jul 2010, 19:59

PM'd. X
Image


Return to “The Speakers' Corner”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests