The case of the Missing Stone Circle (A Pub Crawl)

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Crow
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Postby Crow » 24 Feb 2005, 17:08

Frank, whose real name was Hank, stank.

Setting up his miniature essence of Stonehenge had at first been easy, but when the tiny stones had swiftly grown to full size, some fine-tuning had been necessary, and Hank had sweated through his shirt as he struggled to maneuver the invisible, yet still weighty stones inch by inch into their appropriate positions. He had hoped that his 25 words spoken under the full moon would place the stones in exactly the correct positions, but Hank knew not to bank on magic spells, and so he had brought along a full set of ropes and pulleys.

Frank had always been the smart one, and Hank, who had his own sort of genius – though a decidedly darker one – envied his twin. And for that reason, Hank thought it a fine prank to call himself Frank.

The Missouri night was dank as Hank walked through the woods to the spot where he’d seen a water tank. He shivered as he splashed the cold liquid onto himself, then stared at his reflection in the rippling mirror with the full moon shining over his shoulder. Hank brushed back his lank hair and smiled at his success thus far. Those idiots back in New Zealand were probably still puzzling over their circle of invisible stones, real stones to be sure, but stones turned invisible by the removal of their essence. The stones he had set up here tonight still had mass, still had weight, but it was a weight made up entirely of spirit, and the spirits of these stones were even now calling to their corporeal brothers and sisters in New Zealand, which would soon uproot themselves and come flying through the night like deadly, invisible missiles.

Here at the intersection of two ley lines in Missouri, spirit stones and corporeal stones would unite, become visible, and then, yes, then the fun would really begin.

As he walked back through the woods, Hank knew that Frank and his stupid Balance Patrol would be searching for him, and his hopes sank a little. Oh, he wanted that wank, Frank, to find him as that was part of the plan, but the only hitch was that his twin couldn’t find him too soon.

At the edge of the clearing, Hank paused because he sensed movement where there should be none. He strained to see, and finally caught sight of a young woman walking in the moonlight, her hand extended as she counted the invisible stones.

You’re early, my pretty, but no matter, you’re nothing I can’t deal with, he thought to himself. When the woman presented her back to him, Hank grabbed a large canvas bag that had contained his ropes and pulleys, and moving as quickly and quietly as he could, crept up on his victim.

From the moment he’d spotted her, Saki was doomed. As she wandered around the circle trying to make sense of where she was, how she’d gotten here, and what she was touching, she felt a sense of unease. But by the time she heard a twig snap behind her, it was too late.

Hank stepped on a twig, heard it snap, and raised the bag as he ran the last four feet to his victim, who was just starting to turn. With a yank, Hank pulled the sack over Saki’s head and chuckled at her muffled screams. He pulled the squirming sack into the middle of the stone circle and left it there.

* * *

The commotion roused an old hawk from her sleep in a tree at the edge of the clearing. She’d been dreaming of being attacked by a flock of pigeons, and when she saw what was happening in the field down below, she had a strange sensation. For the first time in her life, she felt a spark of pity for the hunted. She rarely flew at night, but in this case she’d make an exception. Kernos lived somewhere around here, and Ruadh took wing in search of him.

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EarthWard
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Postby EarthWard » 24 Feb 2005, 20:04

Months ago I created in a pub crawl Green Druid as a an evil villain. It is now my distinct pleasure and honor to create her again as Green Druid the righteous hero. It is said that a hero is not somebody with no fear. A hero is somebody that does have fear but continues to do what is right anyway. God bless our heroes in fiction and in reality.

"I need your help, Crow." Green Druid had found the reporter with Selene early that morning eating a continental breakfast at their hotel. "I'm looking for somebody and I think that they might be staying in the moderators chambers."
"Well I'm sorry but you can not go in there." Selene laid down her bagel and spoke to the girl with the white cane "If you would like me to go in there and get somebody I will though."
Green Druid sat by the two. "I don't really know who I'm looking for. I just have a feeling."
"Oh" said Crow "Well when that feeling has a name let us know."
"Right then." Selene drained her coffee "We need to be on our way. Phlipp Phlopp is expecting us."
The two excused themselves and hurried on out the door. Green Druid sat in contemplation when she felt a cat rub against her leg. She reached down to pet it but as she did a voice rose up.
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"Looking for something are you? Are is something looking for you?"
"Who said that? Is that the cat?"
"A cat? Where? Oh well perhaps I got a little Cheshire in me."
"I'm sorry. I can't see."
"That's okay because even if you could you couldn't." The cat laughed and rolled on the ground. "Now what it is you are looking for, ah yes, you need to go to a moderator's room yes?!"
"Yes, I think so, yet I know not why."
"That is the best reason to do so for why spelled backwards is yhw and when you take off the h and w and add an e and s you get yes!!! Follow me now."
The cat jumped in her lap. A cool breeze could be felt, and then poof.
"Where are we?" GreenDruid felt a little dizzy but by the drop in temperature in the room she knew she was somewhere else.
"Oh we just fell through a hole in the floor. Look around my dear. I'll be back in a few."
The cat disappeared leaving Green Druid to gather her wits. The floor was bare cobblestone. The thunk of her cane against it told her the room was rather large with little furniture. She made her way to a bookcase. Sliding her hand across the shelf she located not a book but a glass jar. A light could be seen in her mind's eye as she lifted the jar to smell its contents.
"He..hello?" a little voice said from inside the jar.
Green Druid was so shocked she almost dropped it to the floor but instead regrouped and prepared to speak to this little voice.
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"Who are you?" she asked
"I don't know. I forgot I've been here so long. I use to be a fairie but I'm in sorry shape for a fairie."
"Who put you in this jar?"
"HE did! HE put all of us in jars. Some of the ones that did not survive the purging are kept on pins inside that glass case. Its gruesome! HE is a terrible horrible man!"
"What is the purging?"
"HE catches us and makes us tell him our secret. Without a secret we lose all our power. Then he keeps us in these jars so we can't go make new ones. HE has caught thousands of us. Just look."
Green Druid looked up and in her mind she could see thousands of small luminous lights covering the book shelf.
"Oh deer. What has he done?"
"The same that all evil mages do. They steal the magic of life until it is all gone and then twist it for their own purpose. Whatever that may be."
"How can we fix this?"
"I am powerless without a secret. Hey but if you have a secret you can give me then I might regain my power until I can go make new ones. Do you have any secrets?"
"I don't think so. None too important anyway."
"How do you value importantance. All secrets are important!"
"Well, I have always wanted to be a famous poet. I've never told anybody that before. Is that a good secret."
Softly at first, and then louder and louder the sound of hummingbird wings vibrated the air. A soft glow grew in strength and volume.
"Wow it did work." Green Druid was in awe of the vision inside her head
"It did work, Green Druid, it did work. You are going to be the best poet and I will always help you to gain inspiration! Now I need to free the other. Over there on the table is his books that he wrote all our secrets in. Find it and read them out loud while I open the jars."
"But I can't see to read!" Green Druid cried
"Neither can he!" The fairie was already unscrewing the first jar
Green Druid made her way over to the desk and began fumbling through the books. The first one she opened up and sure enough it was done in braille. She began to read:

"Mother was bad to me today. She made me eat all my carrots. You'll pay for that mother. You'll see. Nobody makes me eat carrots. Next time I..."

"Wrong book" the fairie said. "Try another."

"I will use Stonehenge to gain the power of all the stars. Everything will be under my control."

"NO that's his evil plot book. Save that for later. Hurry and find the secrets I don't know how much longer they can last"

"Secrets of the Fairies: Volume One.

1) Prisms work by refracting light into different spectrums
2) Faire mushroom rings are made by fungi spores and not by real fairies
3) Falling stars are really meteorites and not falling stars at all


"Its working! Its working! Read more! Read more!"

4) Fairie stones are caused by water erosion
5) Ground hogs don't really see their shadow at all


"Its working!!! Read them all Green Druid!! Read them all!!"

Green Druid continued to call out all the secrets. Some she was disappointed about knowing, but she was safe in the knowledge that they would go to make new secrets to discover. In swirls of light the fairies danced around her as she sang out the secrets.
The phoenix in her soul had risen from its ashes. The fairies freed from there jars. And an evil man was on the lose with plans that she now knew.
Last edited by EarthWard on 25 Feb 2005, 01:24, edited 2 times in total.
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Azrienoch
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Postby Azrienoch » 24 Feb 2005, 21:33

The next day, all over the newspapers and television stations, the words rang out, "ALFERIAN DECLARES A RECALL ON ALL DEBATES."

Crow picked up the paper from his doorstep, wondering how this headline had come to be without his okaying it. He read, "The Druid master has called a halt to all formal debate, declaring debate to be illogical. He was quoted saying, 'All this poo-pooing of magic systems, balance, language, astrology, and God is getting out of hand, and it's all formal debate's fault. As everyone knows, debate just isn't how things get done, both at the present time, and throughout history. Everyone knows that rap is the answer to everything, so I'll be hosting the first annual international internationally televised via satellite bardic rap-off at the Missourian Stonehenge." If you would like to compete, call 911-00-369-9963.

Crow closed his paper, his eyes wide. A rap-off. He had to be there, he just had to. So he took a flight. Of course, his flight was delayed, due to a massive crowd of blind people standing on the runway.
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When he arrived at the stonehenge, the crowds were thick, and he really had to muscle his way into the great stone circle. Once within this massive megalith, he saw Frank and Frank (also known as Hank), and Saki sitting on a toppled boulder. Merlyn was standing on top of his bike, practicing his rap to himself while making flowing guestures with his hands. Unikorn was laughing with some rastafarian-looking folk. Crow noticed Earthward standing alone, and went over to talk to him. "What's going on? What's todays scedule." Earthward didn't look away from the place he'd been staring at this entire time. "Don't know. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting." Crow waved a hand in front of Earthward's face. Nothing. At that very moment, he wristwatch alarm went off. "BEEP!!" screamed Earthward. The watched beeped again. "BEEP!" Beep. "BEEP!"
Crow slapped EW across the face. "Ouch. Where am I? Last thing I remember was switching the channel from 'Rainman' to 'Psycho'."

Crow didn't stay to listen, and went over to Merlyn. "Hey, man, feel ready?" Without stopping the flowing guestures, Merlyn said, "Of course, always." Crow looked around the circle. "Have you seen Azrienoch, or is he not showing?" Merlyn actually stopped. "You mean 'Azzy Jeff'? No, he's over there, on the outside of the circle with the crowd. Missouri just passed a smoking ban, and now he can't smoke inside the circle." Crow peered over the crowd and saw Azrienoch, grumbling to himself, probably about the lack of evidence to support the claims of the dangers of second-hand smoke.

Suddenly, the crowd went into an uproar, and Crow turned to see the crowds in the East parting as Alferian walked through. Merlyn hopped off his bike, Saki, Frank, and Hank hopped off the rock, and Azrienoch shoved his way through the crowd, trying to get in a few more drags of his cigarette before going inside the circle.
Alferian came to a stop in the middle of the circle and raised his hands.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, let the games begin!"
The crowd roared with cheers and applause. Then, on Alferians cue, the crowd begain to clap a beat.

And it began:

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Alferian: Now follow da rule,
or I'll dismiss you, fool.
Stay wit da beat as ya fight ya duel.
Cuz if you ain't, you ain't be cool.
Wave yo bling; yo golden jewels.

Azzy Jeff: Let me begin,
since ya'll ain't gonna win.
I'm never wrong, I never sin.
I use logic from within
to show your contradiction.
Fin.

The beat changes

Merlyn: Hey ladies!
Crowd: YEAH?!
Merlyn:You know,
This place is really good.
As above, and so below,
Surrounded by the wood.

And so I say that balance works
Cuz we find it everywhere.
So just get lost you science jerks
Cuz we don't really care.

Hank: Okay, so you want to play
In the land of hard knocks.
Frank: If I might, I'd like to say
that balance is a paradox.
Hank: That's right, a flaw is found
When you observe equality.
So balance is just another faith-bound
Frank: Bullsh*t rhetoric of druidry.

Change in beat

Alferian: Hey now, fool, don't be a hater,
and flash around your logic like logical debater.
That crap is worthless here.
So grab a distilled beer,
cuz ya out, my G, so see you later.

Frank and Hank leave the circle.

Crow: Good call, ref, to kick out Frank
And his half-crazed psycho brother, Hank.
They both stank
and my mind just went blank
so anything else that rhymes with 'ank.'

Kernos steps into the circle.

Kernos:Blank? Did someone say my name?
I'm stepping in to being you all shame.
This here is my land,
and aren't my antlers grand?
Let's get on with with this rapping game.

Green Druid and Selene run into the circle, shouting with delight, "Faeries! Faeries!"

The beat changes.


Kernos: What'd you call me?!
Selene: No, that wasn't toward you.
Kernos: It'd better not be...
Green Druid: I saw faeries! Yes, it's true!

Alferian:Alright, you three,
that's enough of that.
Damn my senility...
Where were we at?

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http://witcombe.sbc.edu/earthmysteries/

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Kat Lady
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Postby Kat Lady » 25 Feb 2005, 04:22

Kat awoke from her nightmare with a start. Her heart was beating in her furry little chest. It was terrifying! Something about Green Druid almost being sacrificed, virgins, Frank having an evil twin and some really, really, awful Druid Rap. And being Phlipp Phlopp’s secretary was the scariest thing of all! She knew she shouldn’t have taken that Nyquil! She turned her head to get her bearing and her jaw dropped. Nope! She wasn’t in Kansas anymore, or New Zealand for that matter. She stared at a reflection of herself in a puddle of water and saw that she was the size of a normal house cat! She looked up and saw Green Druid reach down to pet her and she smiled her Cheshire smile…

Kernos stared at the pages before him and wondered how he should edit this post. He just couldn’t figure out the up or down of it…missing stone circle…Frank being Hank…Faeries without rainbow pins…and Alferian rapping? With a sigh, he tore the page up and decided that if he couldn’t edit them, he would join them. “Yo! Stone man,” he began…

Hank looked at the chaos before him. His evil plan was working. He knew that if he continued to drain the essence of the stones and the druids he would have enough power to transport himself out of this pub crawl and restore balance to his life. He shook the bag he was holding and heard a muffled “Hey! Knock it off you old wind bag!” from Saki in response. He cackled in glee. Yes, this will do nicely…

Green Druid and Cheshire-Kat Lady now had the secrets to Hank’s evil plan to take over the Pub Crawl forum with the power of the Sacred Stones. Now they needed to get back to where the action was. But how were a smile missing a cat and a sight impaired woman going to get out of this mess?

Suddenly, out of nowhere the cavalry came to save the day…
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.--Mark Twain

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Robb Hawklord
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Postby Robb Hawklord » 25 Feb 2005, 08:52

As they stood there in the dark, contemplating the lank plan that Frank who was Hank, had devised, a lightening bolt cackled with Glee beside them.

“Gleeeeeeee” cackled the lightening bolt

This was soon followed by a very loud silent explosion and they heard a ripping, a tearing of the fabric of reality. Out of this metaphysical swatch of yet another alternative realities cloth, stepped Myrlyn ‘Hawky’ Hawklord.

“Cheers Storm Cloud, I needed that dramatic entrance!!” shouted Hawky to nowhere in particular.

“Phew, I’m glad I got away from that DruidRap thing. Jeff ‘Azzy’ Smith and that Rum LMC where about to get a turn together next, so I thought I’d better walk this way.”

GreenDruid and Cheshire KatLady cringed at the thought of Rum LMC and Azzy Smith rapping together, whilst recovering from the near heart attacks they both nearly had, Kats fur was still invisibly stood on end.

“Hmmmmm, looks like you two are in quite a pickle here”

They explained to Hawky Hawklord that Hank that was Frank that Stank whose hair was lank as a plank of Pasta, had tortured all the Faeries to steal their secrets, and nailed all the dead Faeries to a plank, and of his plan to kidnap the Pub Crawl with Chaos

Hawky thought that Frank who was Hank that Stank, had a plan that Stank and said he would make Frank Hank walk the plank, or better still lock him in a room listening to a CD of Alferian rapping over Oakies Bagpipes.

“Right we gotta get you outta here and back to safety quick” said Hawky and started some incantation. “Chaos is as Chaos does, Peace is just a flock of Doves. Magnu Horse with Golden Mane, I want your help yet once again” it went on and on until
out of nowhere came the the clippety clop of Unikorn’s hoofs.

“This had better be good Hawky,” Said Unikorn “Ah 3 in need of rescue, Ok jump up!!”

Back at the Stone Circle that was not yet quite a Stone Circle, people where trying to avoid bumping into the Stones that were not quite there. Unfortunately for Crow his mind was elsewhere, and out of the silence that surrounded his head a full sized Unikorn with 3 passengers appeared. This jolted Crow back to reality, just as he
She's the goddess of love
The goddess in green
The goddess of all
That I've ever seen
The goddess of hope
The goddess in brown
The goddess of all
That you've burned to the ground

Maid Of The River - The Levellers

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MorningStar
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Postby MorningStar » 25 Feb 2005, 09:22

Evil Hank who really does stank…was so evil not only did he steal the powers of the fairies. But had also gone to the den of MorningStar and in her hibernation time he knew she would not be able to wake making her a perfect target to be hypnotized to do his evil bidding.

He knelt down beside the big brown bear and whispered his evil spell.

“You are my slave and you will only do my bidding…I am your master now.”

“You are my slave and you will do my bidding…I am your master now.”

“You are my slave and you will do my bidding…I am your master now.”

Evil Hank knew the magic of bears comes in words of three and so it came to be that our poor sweet MorningStar now was his and would only obey him.

He woke MorningStar from her slumber.

“Wake up you lazy bear! We have work to do…I want you to guard the Stonehenge from those silly little fools from the OBOD. I know they will try to interfere with plans to become the most powerful Magi the world has ever known! And with that came a menacing laugh.
“Mmmwwwaaaaahhhhh the fools!”

“Now change into the Phoenix and fly true to the henge…let no one near it…fight to your death if need be. BUT DON’T LET GREEN DRUID or UNIKORN near the henge or I will have your head stuffed and mounted on my wall!”

MorningStar now in her trance transformed into the mighty Phoenix and flew northeast to where the Stonehenge was being hidden.

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Crow
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Postby Crow » 25 Feb 2005, 23:24

Anyone who has ever hatched an evil plot could tell you that the first job is try to account for all the big things that could go wrong, and Frank, whose real name was Hank, had done just that.

Hank knew that his twin brother Frank, who’d attained the rank of sergeant major in the Balance Patrol, would be a problem, and he made effective plans to counter him. He knew that North American air defense systems would pick up the corporeal Stonehenge stones when they came streaking across the Pacific Ocean toward California, and planes would be scrambled to intercept them, and so he wrote computer programs to counter the radar systems. He knew that druids could be a problem, and so he even wrote a computer virus to disable the pumpkin medallions worn by Selene and Kernos so that they would be unable to communicate and coordinate their efforts.

But there were two things that Hank didn’t count on, one big, one small: He didn’t count on Saki having her pet hamster in her pocket, and he didn’t allow for a 400-pound pigeon.

* * *

In New Zealand, Billy Joe Bob and Phlipp Phlopp had made arrangements in Auckland for separate food deliveries. The cowboy had arranged for sacks of pigeon feed to be delivered for Merle, and Phlopp, knowing that his assembly of debaters would need to be fed, had arranged for the delivery of eggs, milk and sacks of flour, with the idea of getting Crow, who was on his payroll after all, to mix up a huge batch of pancakes.

The mixup in deliveries was an innocent mistake, and in the two dark fields with the only light coming from campfires, no one could have noticed. Instead of flour, Crow used pigeon feed in the pancakes, while Billy Joe Bob poured raw flour into Merle’s seed cup. Problems soon arose.

The pigeon feed was made up of Canadian peas, popcorn, maple peas, safflower, oat groats, Austrian peas, wheat, red milo, white milo, red millet, rice, vetch, flax and hemp. Aside from the awful taste, which was simply blamed on Crow’s culinary ineptitude, it was the hemp that was eventually blamed for the intensity of the dreams that night, in which several people imagined themselves watching Azrienoch at a rap concert.

In the next field, Merle ate the raw flour with the usual gusto he exhibited at feeding time, and it was not until about an hour later that Billy Joe Bob noticed that his giant pigeon was not looking too good.

“Merle, you ain’t lookin’ so good thar, podnuh,” the cowboy said to the bird, who was clutching his gullet with two giant wings. “What’s wrong big fellah? You need to pinch a loaf? Mebbe ye needs to get up and fly around a little and see if that might help ye move the mail.” Billy Joe Bob opened the door to the newly constructed coop; Merle staggered out and somehow managed to take wing, flying toward the campfire he saw in the next field. Suddenly, the huge bird felt something shift inside his intestines, and by using some sixth sense that could never be explained, managed to land atop one of the invisible lintels of the new Stonehenge, where he sat quivering and sweating until finally, with a feather-shaking effort, managed to pass that which had been troubling him, the foul, floury feces making a direct hit on Crow, who was open-beaked and snoring underneath.

Crow’s strangled scream could not have come at a better time, because all the sleepers, some of whom had been resting with their backs against the invisible stones, jumped to their feet just as the stones answered the call of their spiritual brothers and sisters in Missouri. The stones all rocketed from the earth in a shower of dirt clods and went streaking through the air at thousands of miles per hour. All that is, except for one trlithon, the two uprights held in place by the lintel on which perched a 400-pound pigeon, now lighter by 5 pounds.

* * *
Unikorn, GreenDruid, Kat Lady and Robb Hawklord, carrying several rescued fairies, arrived back at the stone circle and found pandemonium. Crow was cursing, people were screaming, and a giant pigeon appeared to be perched in midair. By feeling around, they soon discovered that the invisible stones were all gone, except for the three held down by Merle. Billy Joe Bob came striding into the firelight, and soon a council was held about what to do. The fairies told an amazing tale, and soon the druids had a plan.

* * *
Ruadh had found Kernos and awakened the chief administrator by tapping with her beak upon his bedroom window. The horned one had extensive knowledge of the language of raptors, and so it was no trouble for him to translate Ruadh’s warning about mysterious happenings, including an apparent kidnapping, in a field a few miles away. The first thing he did was get his pumpkin medallion and attempt to contact Selene, but he soon saw that the device was not working. He then quickly changed clothes and followed on foot as Ruadh led the way back

* * *
A few miles away and on a collision course with Ruadh streaked the phoenix, MorningStar, who appeared now as a large bird, yet with the head, fur and claws of a bear.

* * *
In Florida, Frank heard the radio crackle in his Balance Patrol vehicle. Something was out of balance in Missouri, and the sergeant major, in his starched khaki shorts, shirt and safari hat, shifted his vehicle into high gear and went streaking north at 25 mph.
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* * *

Inside a large sack in a field in Missouri, Saki dried her tears. She was still afraid, but more than that, she was getting angry. The last thing she remembered was sitting down to eat her dinner of spaghetti and meatballs. On the table was a magazine, and as she ate she was reading an article about Stonehenge, and wishing that she could visit some day. In the pocket of her shirt was Wilmer, her pet hamster, and Saki fed the little rodent a crust of bread. With her other hand, Saki forked a bite of spaghetti into her mouth, enjoying the tangy taste of the tomato sauce with Portobello mushrooms.

Now inside the sack, and with Wilmer in her hand, she heard footsteps approaching, and wondered what would happen next …

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Ruadh
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Postby Ruadh » 26 Feb 2005, 05:30

"Oh! It's just terrible! That poor woman and that tasty little…I…I mean cute little hamster! Hurry, Kernos, hurry!" Ruadh called back over her shoulder as she flew swiftly on into the growing twilight. "There's not much time left, I can feel it in my bones!"

Kernos raced along the uneven terrain not far behind the frantic hawk. His innate sense of balance and uncanny coordination allowed him to avoid the branches, roots and rocks that would have tripped up a lesser mortal with the grace and speed of the mighty stag he so resembled.

Suddenly, Ruadh shrieked and turned completely around in midair flying back they way they had just come as if the Cu Sith itself were after her.

As Ruadh was about to zoom past Kernos with a speed surprising for a hawk of her advanced age, Kernos deftly reached up and snagged her out the air.

“Awwwkkkk!” Ruadh shrieked again. “Lemme go! Lemme go!” she begged as she beat the administrator about the head and shoulders with her wings in an attempt to escape his grasp.

“And, where do you think you’re going?” asked the Horned One in his deepest, grumpiest tone. “We have important work to do!”

“Ll…ll…looook…..up there!” stuttered the hawk, pointing off into the distance with one trembling wing.

As Kernos looked in the direction the hawk indicated, he saw a bright streak of flame quickly approaching their position. With the discerning eyes of an experienced chief administrator, he quickly assessed the situation.

“We’re in big trouble!” he rumbled. “That’s a bespelled creature if ever I saw one! The evil mage has created a powerful ally.”

“Get up there and stop that beastie!” Kernos commanded.

“What!? Me!?” squeaked Ruadh. “You’ve got to be kidding! I’m just a little old hawk with weak eyesight and terrible rheumatism and…and…what could I possibly do to stop that…whatever it is!?

“You’re an Ovate. Figure it out!” roared Kernos.

Then, in his most compassionate tone, the Horned One held the trembling hawk in front of him and said “Ruadh, I need your help! I have to go on and do whatever I can to stop the evil mage from completing his evil plans. Someone has to stay and keep that beastie from joining her master! There is no one but you. You CAN do this!”

“Besides, if you don’t, I’ll have to take away your private forum rights.”

Ruadh sighed and her shoulders slumped with despair. Nothing, absolutely nothing was worse than losing her private forum rights. From deep inside her, she summoned the courage to do what needed to be done.

After brusquely straightening her bifocals, adjusting the strap of her crane bag and smoothing her rumpled feathers, Ruadh replied, “Ok, chief. I’ll do my best.”

They both looked back to the skies and saw the bespelled creature - that looked to be part bear and part phoenix - rapidly closing the distance between them.

“NO! NO!” howled Kernos. “That despicible mage has transformed our good Morningstar into a servant of evil!”

Pulling the hawk back up to his face, Kernos spoke sternly: “You’re not to harm her, Ruadh, do you understand? Break that spell on Morningstar and return her to her rightful form and mind!”

“Right sir! I’ll do my best sir!” replied Ruadh as the administrator placed her on an overhanging tree branch. “And…if I may ask, sir…exactly how do I go about doing that, sir?”

Kernos turned his great horned head and glared at the hawk without replying.

“Uh…um…” gulped the hawk. “Figure it out, right?”

“Right. And remember, the magic of bears is in threes!” said Kernos. He then grasped the hawk and threw her into the skies before racing off into the deepening gloom towards a silent Missouri field that housed an unspeakable evil.

“Threes…threes…now what did he mean by that?” muttered Ruadh as she flew with all her might towards the bespelled Morningstar.

With an idea beginning to form in her aging hawk brain, Ruadh rummaged about in her crane bag with her taloned feet tossing out old chapstick tubes, rubber bands, twist-ties and tissues.

“I know they’re in here somewhere….if I can just find them in time!”

Murmuring softly to herself as she began to overtake the phoenix-bear that was Morningstar,

“Brigid, daughter of Dugall the Brown,
Son of Aodh, son of Art, son of Conn,
Each day and each night
That I say the Descent of Brigid,
I shall not be slain,
I shall not be wounded,
I shall not be gashed…….”

“Oh, dear Brigid, what have I gotten myself into now!”

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Robb Hawklord
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Postby Robb Hawklord » 26 Feb 2005, 10:29

In her desperation, Ruadh lost control of her thoughts and the words that came out made little sense to her, they sounded chaotic, evil, a totally unknown Language to her.

“OMG!!! What have I just said!!! Help! Who knows what I just summoned? Who knows what language that was?” cried a ruffled Ruadh.

Immediately the sky turned a blacker shade of black than she had ever seen, then it turned pink, then red, then blue then eventually it stopped on Violet.

“Whaaaa!” cried Ruadh “Wow trippy colour, he he.”

Then she felt it. Everywhere started to crackle with static, the ground started to be covered with flashes of electric blue streaks of energy, they reached up to join the sky and a rather dull fizz was heard, like a dud firework attempting to go off.

“Dammit Jannit!” a cry from behind “OK Hawkess what do ya want, I was happily asleep and you summoned me, this had better be good!”

Suddenly the stranger noticed that Ruadh was shaking like a….like…err someone in terrible fear, but with one wing firmly pointing at the sky. Without a pause for thought the Stranger ran forward toward the Flaming Dtreak of Bear/Pheonix/MorningStar and suddenly bounced backwards of nothing.

“Ah Found it!!” He said, and proceeded to work his way along and invisible barrier.

Frank that was really Hank was watching the scene unfold on a monitor in his secret hideaway, and was in fits of laughter watching this Mime artist make is way along an invisible piece of something.

“Mwa ha ha haha, that sounded a real good incatation, great effects too, mwa ha ha ha ha, but all she got was this incompetent mime ar…WHAAAAAAA!!!!!!”

MorningStar, streaking Bear Pheonix came to a sudden halt, mid air. Her face looked like it was pressed up against glass and then she slid rigid to the floor, unconscious.

“Works everytime, HA HA HA HA! Comedy Mime glass to its extreme, Triple Glazed for the bear majick though this time.” The stranger said. Ah introductions I feel are in order, Whoknowswhat at your service, wh0o knows what will happen when you know not what to do! I’m an aspect of your fellow Raptor Hawky Hawklord, yet we exist totally separate.”

Ruadhs beak was opening and shutting in silence.

“Och, she’ll be al reet, dunnae worry about her lass” came the cries of a small voice somewhere near MorningStar “Aye things must be done in thraes, so I got me band o wee Pictsies together and popped over to take care of her, I’m Rob Anybody*, the third and final aspect of Hawky, a wee Scotch Pictsie, ae’ the Clan NacMacFeegle*

*Rob Anybody and the Clan NacMacFeegles appear here without the permission of Terry Pratchett, who was tending his collection of carnivorous plants when, due to circumstances beyond his control, he got hit on the head by the NacMacFeegles, so they could get in a bit of freelance characterisation
She's the goddess of love
The goddess in green
The goddess of all
That I've ever seen
The goddess of hope
The goddess in brown
The goddess of all
That you've burned to the ground

Maid Of The River - The Levellers

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Crow
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Postby Crow » 26 Feb 2005, 18:35

Wilmer and Saki had been together for years and the little rodent depended on his mistress and loved her with every fiber of his being. And so when he and Saki heard footsteps approaching and then felt someone fumbling with the knots on the drawstring that held the bag shut, Wilmer’s protective instincts awoke and he crouched there on Saki’s outstretched hand, poised to leap out in her defense.

Saki could see that the end of the bag was opening; she could see the shoes of whoever was standing there, but little else. Just then Wilmer snarled and leapt from Saki’s hand, charging with a fury that hamster bards still sing about and re-enact on pet store exercise wheels the world wide. Saki heard a scream and the sounds of a fight. She struggled with the folds of material that trapped her, and finally was able to stand free of the suffocating sack.

Climbing to her feet, Saki saw a man was thrashing about on the ground, apparently fighting to keep the snarling rodent’s sharp little teeth away from his throat.

Life and death hung in the balance there under a Missouri moon, and Saki noted with some satisfaction that the man seemed to be weakening. Then a reflection caught her eye, the wan light shining from antlers that grew from the man’s head. “Wilmer, heel!” shouted Saki, and the hamster obeyed, scampering back to sit by his mistress, his tiny sides heaving and his teeth still bared.

“Kernos, that’s you, isn’t it?” asked Saki.

“Yes, Saki, it is I,” said Kernos, climbing to his feet and brushing the dirt from his clothes. “What do you say we make this little incident our secret, eh? No one else needs to know that I was almost laid low by a hamster, okay? And that goes for you, too!” he shouted at Ruadh, who was now perched on the branch of a nearby pine, her bifocals glinting in the moonlight.

Ruadh was hungry and again eyed the hamster. But after having had her tailfeathers kicked by a flock of pigeons last week, and after having just witnessed Wilmer's vicious assault on Kernos, she decided she wasnt that hungry.

Robb Hawklord soon arrived, dragging the unconscious form of MorningStar, who was now back in the shape of a bear. The two sat together at the base of the tree, Hawklord knowing that he could revive the bear if her strength was needed, this time to fight on the side of good.

Just then Wilmer charged at Kernos again. The chief administrator shrieked and jumped back, but this time the little rodent’s attention was elsewhere, and he began to dig furiously at a spot in the ground where Kernos had been standing seconds before. Soon his digging had outlined the shape of a trap door.

* * *

Back in New Zealand, the druids quickly decided that they needed to follow the stones that had departed, but they had no means of transportation. The nearest Portobello mushrooms were in Auckland, and it would take hours to get there, and besides, no stores would be open at this hour.

“Well what about them stones that Merle is sittin’ on?” asked Billy Joe Bob. “If he was to get off of ‘em, wouldn’t they take off and go to wherever the rest of ‘em went, and mebbe we could strap ourselves to ‘em and fly along.”

This made about as much sense as anything else had, and so the idea was quickly adopted. Billy Joe Bob used ropes to tie everyone to the upright stones, and then tied a second rope leading from each person to a harness that he fastened around Merle. Everyone had a pocketknife with which to cut the ropes that held them to a stone, as it was reasoned that when the stones were getting close to crashing back to earth, everyone could cut their ropes, however since they would still be fastened to Merle’s harness, the giant pigeon could lower them slowly and safely to the ground.

Billy Joe Bob made the final knots, the ones that fastened him, too, to an upright pillar, and then called to the pigeon that was patiently awaiting orders. “Okay, big fellah, take off from that rock yer sittin’ on, and be ready for anythin!”

Merle took wing and everyone felt the stones tremble as the weight was removed. Then, in a shower of dirt clods, screams and pigeon feathers, the stones suddenly took flight, going from zero to thousands of miles per hour in the span of a few seconds.

Crow felt the wind roaring past him as he rode the streaking stone pillar that was now sailing out over the ocean. He wondered why the pigeon's weight had kept the stones in place while the combined weight of the people tied to them had not. He didn't have an answer, but he was sure of one thing: This was one ride that would have a bad end …
Last edited by Crow on 26 Feb 2005, 20:18, edited 3 times in total.
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“You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.” ~ Edward Abbey

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Underground River
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Postby Underground River » 26 Feb 2005, 19:23

Now I am wondering about why the acceleration of those stones taking off didn't kill us instantly. Magic, I guess...

Tjhe stones hurtled through the night sky for hours, or seemingly hours to their frightened riders. The stones picked up speed as they drew closer and closer to Missouri and all the druids wondered if they would survive this rocky ride.

...............Mmmmmmmm suspense, what will happen next..........
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Postby MorningStar » 26 Feb 2005, 22:06

MorningStar began to wake and stir. She clumsily took to her feet falling once.
She grabbed her aching head with one paw.

“Whaa thee heack…whar am Mae” As she looked about trying to get her eye’s to focus.

“OO mee pour heed mee swars mee weell neva evea draink eldaburry wain agin…Mee promise yee darest Brighid mee sweet Goddess…Mee promeise neara agin oon empy tuumy!”

“Figures dang bear thinks with her tummy any ways.” Came a small voice from the ground.

The ol bear started sniffin at the ground. “I cain har yee an Mee cain smeell yee…coume on outta so’s mee cain see yee.”

“I don’t think so…you’ll eat me!” the little voice cried out.

“Mae donna ates peoples, Mee ates fuud…ah an raughty now Mae smealls mae somma wille barries an…an…OOOOOOOO CHOLATE!”

The little Rob pictsie began to giggle. “See tol yee she be aurighty…hoongry wee bear freend?”

“Naw whoe tis tailking an wheere ye bee at? Haey I dunno speak scots whazza happen to mae nows? Butz I stiills smeals mae barries?”

“For crying out loud Whoknowswhat what did you do to her she speaking hillbilly Scots!”

“Mae smeals wilid barries an Mee’s aimes ta haeve sum.”

With that Rob came out of his hiding place and giggled at the site of this poor confused hungry bear. Shaking his head and laughing.

“Mee thinks sheas hit har head too har on the mime’s glass. Dah na worry ol bear freend wee sat yee righty soon.”

The three little pictsies sat giggleing at the hillbilly Scots bear. But knowing how hungry she was maybe that would set her right or right enough to run the distance to join the others. Hank planted a failsafe device in MorningStar’s brain and as soon as she hears the secret name she would turn back into her Phoenix self and back under the control of the Evil Hank who stank and was really Frank.
Last edited by MorningStar on 27 Feb 2005, 12:15, edited 1 time in total.

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Kat Lady
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Postby Kat Lady » 27 Feb 2005, 01:59

Kat Lady looked at the new pages of the script she had been handed and wondered why she had joined this crawl in the first place. Oh yeah! She remembered! Her friend Crow had said join in the fun and adventure. Start a crawl of your own! So here she was, skimming through the pages, wondering where in the blue blazes she was supposed to step back in. See what happens when you go off for a few days on family business, she chided herself. The whole crawl gets taken over by an evil stinking Hank and sweet little hamsters turn into killers. She sighed, gave up even trying to figure out the script and stepped back into the storyline…

***
Kat stepped back into the circle of pandemonium and grabbed hold of Crow’s wing for the ride of her life. The stones landed with an earth shattering boom in Missouri, making Stinking Hank turn with glee. His smile turned to a look of surprise however when he saw the very large Merle come pounding down on him out of the midst of the stones, being ridden by Billy Joe Bob.

“Hey, Boo Boo” were the last words to escape from his mouth before the giant pigeon reached his side.

***
Morningstar heard the secret name in the recesses of her brain and could not prevent the shift from bear back to Phoenix as she again fell under the spell of Hank who was frankly evil.

***

Wilmer smiled his little hamster smile at Saki who said to the little guy, “Mummy loves you, Wilby. You are a good boy!” To which the little hamster wiggled his tail-less behind like any loving pet would do at such a compliment. Kernos looked at the sight, shook his head and began to wonder if retirement might be a good idea after all. He reached toward the trap door handle, pulled it open and the three adventurers climbed down the revealed steps into the earth below.

***

Somewhere in Outer Mongolia, Mr. Phlipp Phlopp watched in his crystal ball, chuckling in delight at the silliness that could be created by a bushel of bards and a few Ovates.

***

Will our adventurers foil the evil plot of Hank the stinky brother of Frank?
Will Morningstar gain control of herself in time to stop being used as a tool in the plot to take over Druid Central?
Will Kernos and Wilmer become friends or remain foes?
Will somebody please bring this crawl to a conclusion so I can complete the epilogue?
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.--Mark Twain

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Robb Hawklord
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Postby Robb Hawklord » 27 Feb 2005, 11:40

"Watch Out, BooBoo, the Rangers coming!!!" Shouted Azzy Jeff, being the quick witted one and always watched Yogi Bear on TV.

At this the pheonix's flames vanished and left plain ole Bear, clutching at her head in bewilderment, "B b b b but I wasnt trying to getme a pic-a-nic basket!"

Saki saw that MorningStar was upset, and tried to console her.

Everyone else was just standing around and looking at the stones in awe and confusion saying to themselves "This is just not right, theres some totally wrong with this circle"
She's the goddess of love
The goddess in green
The goddess of all
That I've ever seen
The goddess of hope
The goddess in brown
The goddess of all
That you've burned to the ground

Maid Of The River - The Levellers

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EarthWard
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Postby EarthWard » 01 Mar 2005, 23:28

:henge:
With that Green Druid got an idea. In her pocket she reach in a took out the little stone she had found in her hand after her dream. She lifted it gently to her lips and gave it a little kiss and then in a hush tone that grew in strength and volume she said the magic word
"Aaaaah-Ooooooo-ennnnn" (Awen)
:awen:
Robb the Hawklord on hearing this snapped his fingers and a bolt of lightning flashed from the sky
"Aaaaaah-Oooooo-ennnnn"

Little by little everyone began to chant the sounds until the rocks themselves began to intone it. The grass rippled with the vibrations. The sky drew closer to hear its sound. Trees swayed to the rhythm.
The Awen was working its magic on all.
Instantly...
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Postby Robb Hawklord » 03 Mar 2005, 20:28

A stranger appeared out of the mist down the lane.

Silence grabbed the gathered masses as the Stranger strode boldly towards them. He was wearing the Plaid of the Pipe Player! Wee Rob Anybody noticed this with alarming speed, a speed developed over the years when alarmed by the sight of Pipe Players Plaid.

Like a flash the 3 inch tall figure of Little Wee Rob Anbody pounced on the stranger and floored him, wrestled the BagPipes out of his hands, then let the Stranger loose.

"Ach we cannae be havin dangerous weapons near thae stones, Laddie, 'speshully them thar bagpipe contraptions!! Aye naw ye can enter the circles. Aye oop I nae thee, your that Oakwyse mon, aint ye!!"

Hey folks Oky's caught up wi'us

At which point they all ran to great the now defensless Oakwyse, who was more concerned about where his bagpipes were now going.......
She's the goddess of love
The goddess in green
The goddess of all
That I've ever seen
The goddess of hope
The goddess in brown
The goddess of all
That you've burned to the ground

Maid Of The River - The Levellers

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Robb Hawklord
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Postby Robb Hawklord » 03 Mar 2005, 22:16

All of a sudden the earth started to rumble and grumble, there was an ominous darkness followed by flashes of lightning and the most hair-raising Thunder claps.

The Stones started to tremble. Were they getting taller? Yes they were they were coming out of the ground.

Crow, by now getting accustomed to the cruelty that fate has in store for him, and having recovered from the gift Merle had given him from up on high, said

“Bleep, Bleep Bleep, and Bleep not again!!!”

The Stones rose up off the ground and started to re-arrange themselves, until they resembled the USS Enterprise.

Suddenley a voice boomed out of the sky “STOP!!!!!”

At this point everybody screeched to a freeze frame moment.

“THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!!! I know whats gonna happen next, don’t tell me” said Thudfactor “Jim Bob is gonna become the captain of the stoneship ITT OBOD, Rob Anybody will be the first enginmerr and shout up that ‘She cannae tek it ainee mooer” and someones gonna say “It aint over until the Pipe Players Played Pipes in Pipe Players Plaid!! Correct?”

Unfreeze

Having heard Thudfactors rather certain uncertainties quite a few people started to look very sheepish.
She's the goddess of love
The goddess in green
The goddess of all
That I've ever seen
The goddess of hope
The goddess in brown
The goddess of all
That you've burned to the ground

Maid Of The River - The Levellers

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Postby Wilmer » 04 Mar 2005, 03:22

Wilmer looked out of Saki’s pocket and shook his head at the silliness of humans and other fantasy creatures. What did they really know about anything? They lived their lives never knowing the pleasure of a good chew, a great yawn or how much fun an exercise wheel really could be. He noticed they were all looking rather wide eyed and funny, well except for that stinky man. Hmmmm, speaking of stinky, he smelled some of those funny mushrooms his mom taught him to stay away from or they would make him see funny things. Even his beloved pet woman, Saki, seemed to be overtaken by the smelly things. And what was this word they were chanting? Roddenberry? He wasn’t quite sure if his little hamster ears were hearing it correctly as things were muffled in this pocket. He stood on his little furry feet to get a better look and sure enough, they were doing some funny dance around those big stones.

He squinted as he saw the new man wearing a dress blow into some big bag thing. The noise that came out was somewhat pleasing to his little ears. He began to sway in time to the music as the smelly mushroom cloud came closer…

***
Frank, also known as Hank, was very pleased with himself. He had burned the hallucinogenic mushrooms and called Oakwyse to play a hypnotic song. The combination had all of those druids believing they were seeing the Starship Enterprise. Their chants and druidic concentration were making the transported stones more solid by the minute. Yes, he laughed hideously, he had them now. He had them all under his spell and soon he would have all of the power of the sacred stones at his disposal! He cackled in evil delight….

***
Smelly cloud! Wilmer shook his head and glared at the stinky man sending the cloud toward him and his pet. I’ll show you, he thought as he climbed down Saki’s leg. Quickly, he scurried over to the stinky man, opened his mouth wide and bit right into Hank’s ankle!

Hank thought that a tiger had just decided to make a meal of him as the pain was so excruciating. Losing his concentration, he looked down and saw a rodent gnawing his ankle. He tried to shake it off but the darn thing was just too strong. He realized that his concentration had faltered but it was too late. The sleepers had awakened.

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Postby Crow » 04 Mar 2005, 17:03

As the fate of the world hung in the balance, Frank had just reached the Florida state line and crossed into Georgia. Lots of people made fun of his vehicle, but then they didn’t know what he knew. Wondering why he hadn’t remembered to do this sooner, Frank reached for a lever on the floor and shifted into hyperdrive. The sergeant major was pressed back into his seat as the vehicle rocketed from 25 mph to thousands of mph in an eyeblink. In just a couple of minutes it began a gradual deceleration as the onboard navigation system brought them unerringly to the scene of the disturbance in Missouri.

Frank brought his truck to a halt right in the middle of the stone circle. He climbed out and looked around, but no one was in sight. Then he heard the cacophony of shouts, screams, animal calls, bird screeches, thundering and bagpipe music seeming to emanate from the ground below him. He quickly spotted the trapdoor, raced down the steps and saw a horrible sight.

As Oakwyse played a jaunty tune in the corner of the subterranean chamber, a crowd of humans and animals were gathered in a circle and watching as a tiny hamster attacked a man, biting him all over his chest, arms and legs. Then, with a jolt, Frank realized that the rodent’s victim was his own twin brother, Hank.

“Halt, Balance Patrol, nobody move!” shouted Frank, and everyone quieted. “Hank, I should have known that you’d be at the bottom of this,” said Frank. “You’re under arrest,” he said, walking over to his vanquished twin and snapping handcuffs onto his wrists. Only then did Frank notice that Hank stank. “And all the rest of you,” Frank said, looking around, “Consider yourselves detained for bad pub crawling. More Balance Patrol officers are en route and you’ll all have to answer questions to justify your roles in this.”

Frank led his brother up the stairs, and everyone filed out, with Oakwyse now playing a dirge on his bagpipes.

Crow flew up the stairs and saw that indeed more vehicles like Frank’s were arriving, and hundreds of officers, all wearing the starched khakis and safari hats of the Balance Patrol, were setting up tables and file cabinets. It looked like there would indeed be some kind of inquisition here. Bad pub crawling did have its consequences.

The old reporter looked around at the mess and wondered if even the famed Balance Patrol could sort this out.

Standing in line behind Saki, Crow waited with the others to be questioned by a lieutenant, his rank clearly evident from the red plume stuck in the band of his safari hat. The guilty and the innocent were quickly sorted out.

Already Kat Lady, EarthWard, Robb Hawklord, Azrienoch, Selene, Billy Joe Bob and Unikorn were standing in a temporary holding cell that had been set up. Beith was released, then Moon Cloud, MorningStar and Ruadh. Crow watched as the hawk flew to a tree, adjusted her glasses and continued to watch the proceedings.

It was Saki’s turn, and Crow listened with interest, trying to pick up anything that might help his own case.

“Name please.”

“Saki”

“What were you doing here?”

“Nothing, I was just walking around and I got attacked by that guy.”

“Doing nothing eh? Well how did you get here then?”

“Well, I don’t know, I was just eating dinner and next thing I knew, poof, I was here!”

“And what were you eating?”

“Spaghetti with meatballs and sauce.”

“What was in the sauce?”

“I don’t know, tomatoes, oregano, some kind of mushrooms …”

“That’s it. You are clearly guilty of eating Portobello mushrooms without a license. However, since you are in possession of that hamster, who played a key role in ending a fiendish plot to destroy the world, and also with helping to bring a Pub Crawl much closer to a much-needed conclusion, I will look the other way about the mushrooms. You are hereby sentenced to 6 months probation, and I will suspend the sentence. Now get out of here. Next …”

Crow stepped up to the table, knowing already what his fate would be.

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Underground River
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Postby Underground River » 04 Mar 2005, 18:33

Lol, please don't put me in jail. ;)

GreenDruid was afraid of all the justice that was being meted out but she couldn't hide. She moved behind Crow, straining her ears to hear what he was saying. There was too much noise in the room, so all she heard was "reporter" "Pagan Press" and some other words like that. Suddenly she heard a scream that sounded like a crow in distress. "What's wrong, Crow?" she cried.
"They are going to talk about me to my booooooooooooooossssss!" wailed the crow. "I'll be in jail for twenty lifetimes if that happens!"
"Relax," said GreenDruid. "Maybe they just want him to verify your story so they can set you free..."
"No!" wailed poor Crow. "They're going to get him to tell them every mistake I have ever made and they'll blame all sorts of bad stuff on me and I'll be locked away!"
GD
I love you...
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Ik hou van jou...
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