Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

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Aphritha
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Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Aphritha » 26 Sep 2014, 16:44

I turned 30 yesterday. Not a big deal, I'd been rounding the number up for awhile. It was a quiet day, no different from the rest other than a trip to the gourmet cupcake shop, and the composing of a song(not related to the day itself). Peaceful. I enjoyed it.
I was contemplating the aging process itself and how so many are uncomfortable with it. I was myself until quite recently, when I began to call myself middle aged. For me, it brought a wave of relief, a logical explanation for my body to be what it is. For others, this brings snickers and ridicule. "Oh, you're still young!" Well, I didn't say I was ready for the grave.
When I think of myself as young, I feel stress at my complexion and the skin that isn't as bright as 10 years ago. I feel upset at the stretch marks on my stomach, due to carrying two human beings, and probably wouldn't have dared mention them on a public forum, if I was still in my maiden phase. My hair greys. If I gain weight, it sticks like glue, and I REALLY have to fight to get it off, not just a crash diet, like when I was young. I get tired if I don't get my 8 hours. I might fall asleep in the chair. I have to have caffeine in the morning, or I just don't function. If I were still a maiden, I'd be feeling like I was failing miserably. And I did feel that way for some time. Its funny how much relief the change of a phrase brought.
I feel this mid life stage doesn't get enough credit. We eye the maiden with envy, refusing to let her go. We cart her along with us until one day we can't avoid the crone. Why is this? Is it the traditional term/idea? I admit, I dislike the term 'mother' for this middle phase. Not only does it discredit those individuals who are not interested in or unable to become parents, but it reinforces the idea to people with children that those little ones are their only reason for being(which does a disservice to both mother/father and child). I avoided this term like the plague, images in my head of a modern day 'supermom' cropping up, assuming accepting this term would mean I'd have to drop my interests, join a social media network and spend all my time in which I wasn't at work or carting around children, online shouting to the world how wonderful my children are. No, this wasn't what I wanted. But, with my morning stomach bloat(which wasn't there in my early 20s) and my roots greying, I felt like a miserable maiden. It was time to let her go. I chose a term which I'm comfortable with, even though no one else seems to be.
I suspect this discomfort reflects on the discomfort of their own aging. Not wanting to admit they're approaching the later phases of life, or not wanting to admit one day middle age will come for them. I argue that if you split the lifespan of the average American(because that's where I'm at) into 3 parts, the middle stage begins at roughly at 27. I suspect that doesn't matter, though. Age is just a number. Some probably hit younger, others much later. Its an internal thing, a personal thing, which is up for the individual to decide, not those around the person. After all, my great grandmother never got old. She decided she'd cross that bridge at 90. She only made it to 89....
The next time you hear someone say they're getting old/er, remember they might not mean it negatively! :)


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Whitemane
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Whitemane » 26 Sep 2014, 22:29

You have made the transition from maiden to mother. This really the most important phase of your life: raising and nurturing the next generation. Maybe the maiden phase was more fun, but this phase will be more rewarding. Do what you can to enjoy.

From a member of the generation that said "hope I die before I get old."
May the long time sun shine upon you,
All love surround you,
And the pure light within you,
Guide your way on.

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Aphritha
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Aphritha » 28 Sep 2014, 03:55

I have to say I'm really enjoying this phase. I'm seeing what I believe, are going to be some of the best times of my life.
I wouldn't turn back even if I could. :)


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Reuils
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Reuils » 30 Sep 2014, 13:15

Oh ,do enjoy this phase , I remember it being great fun ! but having now achieved more than double your age ,I have enjoyed all the stages and happily still am, so you can look forward to each stage and prepare to enjoy them

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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby wickermam » 16 Nov 2014, 10:34

I like this post, I am 35 and have loved leaving the Maiden behind. I have long white streaks in my hair after stopping colouring it after baby number one (the rest is dark brown so it is a tad Lily Munster). I also wear little makeup on the occassions that I put it on and my beauty regimes consist of wet wipes. I havent 'given up' as some of my daughters friends think but mearly acknowledged that in my mid thirties with health problems and three daughters I would be crazy to try and look 18. Some people never get the chance to grow old, I wear my wrinkles and white stripes like medals for the fact that I have got this far. I think I am far more comfortable with myself now than when I was younger.

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Aphritha
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Aphritha » 18 Nov 2014, 17:22

I think there is definite freedom is being able to accept yourself as is. :)


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Selene
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Selene » 18 Nov 2014, 23:25

I'd just like to point out that, to some of us, the thirties does NOT represent "middle life." :grin: I consider myself middle-aged, although I expect some of you might take exception to that, too. :wink:
"I've learned so much from my mistakes...I'm thinking of making few more."

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Whitemane
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Whitemane » 19 Nov 2014, 01:55

Sages and Crones moment: in the 60s, middle-aged was anybody 10 years older than you.
May the long time sun shine upon you,
All love surround you,
And the pure light within you,
Guide your way on.

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Aphritha
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Re: Aging Comfortably In Middle Life

Postby Aphritha » 21 Nov 2014, 16:08

I'd just like to point out that, to some of us, the thirties does NOT represent "middle life." :grin: I consider myself middle-aged, although I expect some of you might take exception to that, too. :wink:
Yes, I totally agree its something to be 'felt' or decided by the individual, not their friends, family, society at large, or popular television shows. Same with any life phase...I despise the phrase "act your age"...that's going to be something totally different for everyone!
Sages and Crones moment: in the 60s, middle-aged was anybody 10 years older than you.
Makes me picture a 5 year old looking up at his middle aged high school sibling with awe... :grin:



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