Earth Based Counseling Needed?

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MoonlitMuse

Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby MoonlitMuse » 20 Nov 2013, 18:37

I don't even know how to start this - I don't usually talk about my problems, but I feel myself imploding and need some sort of guidance. I'm having so many difficulties in my head but don't know who to talk to. Beyond that - I'm afraid to go to someone out of shame and the feeling that I just need to "suck it up" and stop worrying. Quick background on myself:
- I'm 25
- I have a 6 year old son and was a single mum (his dad left me for another girl while I was pregnant at 18) for nearly all of his life (his dad and I just got back together in Feb.)
- I work full time and am finishing my nutrition degree
- I got out of a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship that lasted 5 years
- I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18 (but always took it with a grain of salt because everyone seems to be diagnosed with SOMETHING and I didn't want to seem like a victim)
- I have severe communication issues

Those are the bare bones facts about me. Why I'm seeking help from anyone kind enough to read this is because I just don't know what to do. I know something is not right with me, but I don't know what. I want to get better, but I don't know how. I want to talk to someone but I'm too ashamed to do so. See my problem? I don't even know IF someone can help me. A lot of my problems stem from communication & trust, and I understand that much....but people who know me also know that there is so much more. Are there people that are earth-based that I can talk to? Will they understand my problems better than someone who is more traditional? I just feel so awkward going to try to figure out what is wrong with me. It makes me feel weak and helpless and that I should be able to cope and solve problems on my own. I honestly don't know which way to turn and honestly need help of some sort.

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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Bracken » 20 Nov 2013, 20:56

Hi, MoonlitMuse.

I am really sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment.
I would say though that it would be a miracle if any 'help' you received from an on-line message board was actually helpful in this sort of situation.

We do have a Health and Healing forum, but really it is for conversation and advice more than anything else. If you're in need of counselling or therapy, I would definitely recommend that you find someone in your area that you can meet face to face on a professional basis.

Bracken.
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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Aphritha » 21 Nov 2013, 04:24

You really have had quite a run. I'm sorry to hear it...
I do agree with Bracken that someone face to face is ideal. However, I know there's not always someone available, and professional help isn't always affordable. I'm sorry if this is the case for you.
You've identified many of your problems...the question I'd ask is what do you want to do about them? Really want to do? I don't mean things you wish you'd ideally want to want to do, but the truthful admission to yourself of what you want, even if its not what others are telling you that you should want. Identify that. Then, seek to find out what it is you can do to acheive that. Or, if its something particularly harmful, find out why you're wanting that, and identify ways to begin healing. (Confusing mess of words here as I look ove it, hope you understand what I'm trying to say.)
It'll be a long journey, no magic words will make it go away(but I'll venture a few at the right time might help things along :poof:


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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby xidia » 21 Nov 2013, 08:09

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time.

I was an undiagnosed depressive from my midteens through to my late twenties. S couple of the phrases you used and sentiments expressed make me think your diagnosis may have some merit. There are many, many things that can be done, and if counselling is one of the things you are considering, I would recommend finding a local counselor.

Your GP should be able to refer you, there are charities around the country who will often work for a donation based on ability to pay, and if you have an employer they may also have an Employee Assistance Programs which often includes counselors. I've seen 3 or 4 over my time, and found them all utterly non-judgemental. If earth or nature based solutions are part of what you need, any qualified counselor will incorporate that, even if it's not their personal belief. The idea of counseling is to he'll you find your own solutions, not to impose solutions on you.

we are not born with the ability to solve all our problems. No-one is. It takes great strength to recognise that, and to go out and learn. You've taken the first step by asking here. That does not make you weak or helpless. Asking for help may not be . easy - and I still struggle at times! - but it does make life easier in the end. Honest!

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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby WildOak » 23 Nov 2013, 23:17

I agree that counselling may help. Your GP should be able to help you with a referral. There is no shame in asking for help if you need it, but I understand that it can be hard to ask.

I also have severe communication issues. aphasia or apraxia, I'm not sure which (I don't have a diagnosis yet). Sometimes it helps to write things down in advance. That way, you can take your time to think about how to put it into words, and if you forget something or get nervous, you can just hand over the paper. It's not a perfect solution, but it might help make things a little easier at least.

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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Catafonia » 24 Nov 2013, 10:31

Hello Moonlit Muse

I can only second what the others have already said. Having gone through some bleak periods myself - I think everyone does at some point in their lives, even if it's not immediately apparent to others - but not being a trained counsellor, I can only speak from my experience. As Caitlin said, identifying and defining what is troubling you, either by writing it down, drawing it, whatever, will help to focus on the core issues. That's the first step. From reading your post, I think you are like me and many others: we're taught not to be wimps, to be self-reliant, only "weak" people ask for help and then they're simply shelving their personal responsibility, etc. etc. So accepting that there are times when it's quite valid and in fact beneficial or even necessary to ask for help is the next step. After all, if someone came to you and said "my car's broken down, can you give me a lift?" or "this box is too heavy, can you help me move it?" you wouldn't even hestitate to say "yes" and wouldn't think the request unreasonable or that the person is shelving responsibility. So the fact that you've formulated a wish for help and the way you've formulated it indicates that this is a period when a helping hand can get you out of a situation that's blocking you and dragging you down. So accepting and welcoming help is step two. Step three is approaching someone - a trained counsellor - to talk things over. The internet is a wonderful thing in this respect, just search for someone in your area, most will have a website that you can look at to get a first impression. And a trained counsellor has undergone training not be judgemental and to guide you, not force you, to find your own solution, including your own earth-based approach. You can set up a first meeting, if it doesn't feel right for you you simply walk away and look for someone else. Just trust that there are people out there who are willing and able to help.

In addition to that you may find this forum, or others, helpful but in addition to counselling and for the future after counselling.

Take that helping hand to get you out of the mud that's bogging you down.

Blessings and every good wish for this important step
Catafonia :smgrove:

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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby elementalheart » 25 Nov 2013, 11:15

I don't even know how to start this - I don't usually talk about my problems, but I feel myself imploding and need some sort of guidance. {/quote]

OK, that's your most important step, acknowledgement that you need to change how you cope with problems despite not knowing entirely how you will yet. So, set an intention to find the right person for you and start looking. I would say look close enough to home that you can sit in a room with the person on a regular basis, it's sometimes easier to go online but there is so much lost in the ether when it comes to communication that if you're really going to open your heart to someone you need to see them and get that sense of how you're being heard. That would be my "professional" and personal guidance since you ask for guidance, but if you are wise you'll look inside you for the selection, be it in your inner grove or through other forms of spiritual practice you are familiar with, or just going with your gut rather than thinking about it too much.
I'm having so many difficulties in my head but don't know who to talk to. Beyond that - I'm afraid to go to someone out of shame and the feeling that I just need to "suck it up" and stop worrying.
That's normal, stop worrying about worrying, it's a scary thing to go to someone and tell it all for the first time! There is no shame in it, only in your self perception, and that's exactly what you are wanting to deal with differently so of course it's a challenge. All you say is perfectly in line with what you're asking for, change, and the first step is made, courage has been brought to your path to make it, so you have it now to keep moving.
I know something is not right with me, but I don't know what. I want to get better, but I don't know how. I want to talk to someone but I'm too ashamed to do so. See my problem? I don't even know IF someone can help me.
OK there it is, spot on, the thing you see that seems true and isn't. Categorically. That something is not right with you and what you need is to find out what it is and get better. Illusion, pure and simple, and an easiest option to make sense of the stuff that has gone on in your life, that it's somehow down to you, your fault, your problem, your cause for shame that just lacks a neat label. Nope, not that simple, sorry! :wink: So what you need is someone, counsellor, therapist, whatever and whoever you can manifest in your options list when you start looking, that you can honestly see doesn't agree with you on this fundamental starting point and that you would be prepared to discuss it with so they can look at what you're seeing and perhaps see it in different ways, other explanations, possibilities, nothing they tell you that will support your self image but things that will challenge it in ways that you can bear and not shut down and run from. That's all it is, finding the person you are prepared to have ask questions that might shine a light on other truths and let you look at them as potential alternatives to the story you have at present, without imposing it on you, but they will, if any good, hold that belief of your basic worth as fundamental human truth and help you find ways of moving from where you are to what you might see as the discussion unfolds.
A lot of my problems stem from communication & trust, and I understand that much....but people who know me also know that there is so much more. Are there people that are earth-based that I can talk to? Will they understand my problems better than someone who is more traditional?
OK, so you know there is more to you than you show at first, go in with that understanding and let it take time til they get to know you, show what you're able to at the start and take it steady, don't go looking for a quick fix or it won't be about you, the you you know you are not yet revealing. The person you pick may be traditional or not, but if they're any good they will give you time and space to unfold yourself in your own time and let yourself be seen, and they will continue to accept who that is and who you think that is, and hold the difference as ok. That may not make sense yet, but as you're looking for a label for yourself "the problem" you can find to work out what's wrong with you, you are also looking for a therapist with the "right label" so the change is to look for a person who is real and that you can sense is real, so they can be real with you and let you be real with them.
I just feel so awkward going to try to figure out what is wrong with me. It makes me feel weak and helpless and that I should be able to cope and solve problems on my own. I honestly don't know which way to turn and honestly need help of some sort.
Hmm, yes, that is how you feel, awkward, weak, helpless, unable to cope and problem solve, unable to fix what you can't see but know is wrong with you. And because you assume the question is your wrongness, you can't find an answer. Which logic should tell you means you are starting from the wrong assumption! Start from a different viewpoint and find a better question, then see if you can't find answers. Let me try a first challenge for you, an interpretation based solely on your written words and ignoring completely everything else you are beyond those words.

Try it like this "I just feel bad and I can't work out how to move on yet because I don't understand what the problem is let alone a solution. I am frustrated by that but instead of putting up with how things are I think it's time to try another way. Since I haven't solved this on my own so far, I will bring in someone else to be a sounding board, a fresh pair of eyes, a devils advocate and with their assistance I will get what I need for my life to unfold differently. So, universe (or deity if you have one), bring me the best possible company for this journey into myself, someone who will respect both who and where I am right now and stay with me while I turn the problems and potential solutions over and around and every which way until this life of mine starts to look and feel different." Or something like that.. In essence acknowledge your powerful decision has been made and you want universe/deity to present you a companion suited to give you sacred space and time to do the job you've decided to do.

Oh, and to suck it up you first have to let what you're holding go a little, if you're full up of something, you can't take more no matter how hard you try. Physics. If you don't let off steam from a pressure cooker, it explodes, but if you release a bit of pressure at a time, eventually you can take the lid off, stir the contents and there's a nutritious meal been created for you :wink:
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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby EarthWard » 10 Jan 2014, 05:21

Wow. This is one thing I missed about message boards.
One time posters that scream for help and then never reply again.
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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Aphritha » 10 Jan 2014, 21:25

Yes, I see that happen often...
Makes me wonder if perhaps the person had a drink or three, and forgot what they posted...


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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby EarthWard » 11 Jan 2014, 01:52

LOL.
Yes drinking and posting is a bad combination.
I always stay clear of facebook when I have had one too many.
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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Aphritha » 11 Jan 2014, 20:07

Well, where's the entertainment in that? :-)


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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby EarthWard » 12 Jan 2014, 05:21

Yeah it is fun when I do it, the backlash not so much!
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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Paladorys » 13 Jan 2014, 22:26

Did either of you stop to think that perhaps she took your advice and stopped moping around on boards and is getting help?

Perhaps that's were the convergence of her path and yours ended. Hmm

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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby elementalheart » 14 Jan 2014, 10:43

Does it matter what the OP did with the responses, if anything? Whether they've come back to see already, or indeed might in future, it mattered to me to offer a response to the pain I perceived in that message - it's a free gift not expecting gratitude or an explanation. If it were conditional then it wouldn't be worth offering.

Besides, who's to say the poster is the only one that might get something useful from responses posted? The more I do this work, the more I believe there is no co-incidence and further that everything we choose to notice is a potential for learning and responding in some way. Choosing to respond, I found I was also talking to a part of me that suffers, now I learn how protective I feel of that part of me, when my silence and inability to cope with asking for help or being offered it, drives me deeper into silence and isolation instead of into expressions of gratitude or even doubtful enquiry as to meanings behind replies offered.

Sometimes, it takes time to overcome the terror of not being heard at all, or utterly misunderstood and judged, or to have my pain turned into someone else's laughter, and I have hidden myself many times of late, when offered kindness, feeling what I felt were wrong feelings in response rather than gratitude and commitment to change in the ways suggested.

Thanks all, I have something to work with in myself on this, I guess..
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Re: Earth Based Counseling Needed?

Postby Aphritha » 14 Jan 2014, 17:09

Of course. No post is ever a waste. You don't know who's reading it, who's benefiting, or who is, as you say, elemental, being helped themselves through responding.
Though, this also refers to lighthearted comments. People have just as much reason for responding with those, as serious instruction/advice. As long as someone's intent isn't to insult, the humorous response is just as important as the solemn. Unless you know the individual on a personal basis, its hard to say what kind of advice/comments will hit home.
I apologize if my joke came off as offenseive. It wasn't meant to be. (Big drawback with the internet; you can't view body language.) Perhaps I had too much to drink the night before, and the joke was a way of coping with my own embarressment...who knows! :wink:



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