Look Who's Coming for Breakfast -- A Samhuinn Pub Crawl

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Crow
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Postby Crow » 21 Oct 2005, 08:46

“Hey, what happened to Ki No Ronin?” asked Dryadia.

“He slipped back out the door when Merlin showed up,” said Mike. “Before he left, he told me that he had some business to finish on this side of the veil, and that he had no plans to participate in our ritual, and that he was sure Merlin would show us the way. He did leave us a bag of sacred eucalyptus leaves though. Helluva guy, eh? If he hadn’t been there earlier …”

Mike didn’t finish his sentence, but didn’t need to. All the friends knew that they owed the noble bardic samarui their lives, and each one there bid him a silent sayonara.

“Well then,” said Alferian. “Shall we get back to the business at hand? Now Merlin did not leave us specific instructions, but we’re not total idiots, or at least Dryadia and I are not, and I think that taking both what Merlin and Ki No Ronin said, we should be able to cobble together a ritual that will magically transport us back to where we all so desperately wish to go, namely out of this pub crawl!”

“Right you are,” Alferian, said Dryadia. “I’ll just scatter some of these eucalyptus leaves in a circle – sunwise of course – and I’ll make a nice little pile of them right here in the center, too, which can serve as a sort of altar on which we can place the item that we wish to sacrifice, or offer, if you prefer.”

“Oh very good, Dryadia,” said Alferian. “That’s the kind of ritualistic improvisation that I was going to suggest, but you beat me to it! But now comes the hard part, as we must decide on that one item that we want to give up. Something of value, Merlin said, but what the old boy didn’t say, but that I think can be inferred, is that what we give up should not only be of value to the person who owns it, but also, the act of giving it up should make the whole world a better place. Now I’m just going to go around and ask each of you what you have that is of value to you, and then we’ll talk about it and decide if giving up a certain item would not only be difficult for the individual, but also if its sacrifice would make the world a better place. And to show that I’m not above this myself, I’ll start.

Alferian paced around the small chamber, stroking his chin, deep in thought. Finally, he spoke again: “Now it goes without saying that we must all be totally honest, no matter how much it hurts. And so I say to you now, the thing of value that I would give up is my wand.

Everyone in the room gasped, because they all knew that the Druid had crafted the wand himself, and each person there knew how much it would pain him to sacrifice it now.

But Alferian continued: “Yes friends, even with dead batteries, my wand is my life. But in truth, I cannot see that the world would be a better place if I were to be deprived of it. I alone know how to wield it, and I have always used it for good. No, the world would not be a better place without my wand in it, and so I reluctantly must pass. Beith, would you like to go next? Remember, you must be totally honest.”

Beith stepped to the center of the room. “Well, you all know what I’m going to say. My most valued possessions are my shoes, and it would hurt me dreadfully to give them up, but since we’re all being so honest and everything, I’ll just tell you that the world would not be a better place if I were to give up my shoes, because, well, you see, the reason I have so many pairs of beautiful shoes is because I have terribly ugly feet. Hammertoe, bunions, nail fungus, athlete’s foot, I’ve got it all, I’m afraid, and I think the world would rather see these,” she said, indicating her attractive red, stiletto-heeled pumps, “than these,” she said, kicking off a shoe and holding up one foot for all to see.

“Holy gods!” said Azrienoch. “Put it back on, you’re right, you’re right, you’re right. Put it back on!”

“Okay then, I think we’re all agreed that Beith must keep her shoes,” said Alferian. “Dryadia?”

Dryadia reached into her bag and pulled out a beautifully spangled hip scarf that she used for belly dancing. “This is the first hip scarf I ever owned, and it really means a lot to me, but would the world be a better place without belly dancers in it?” She fastened the scarf around her hips and did an impromptu dance right then and there, and by the time she was finished, everyone was in agreement that Dryadia should keep her scarf, because, indeed, belly dancing was a beautiful thing, and the world is a better place because of it.

One after the other, the friends stepped forward, honestly naming their most valued possession, but each stating a compelling reason about why it should not be sacrificed.

Selene named her pumpkin medallion.

Mike showed pictures of his ancestors.

Daigh Cahan showed his sword.

Lorraine talked about her apron.

GreenDruid proffered her crystal.

Anonymoose talked tearfully about his antlers.

Kat Lady indicated her 007 collar.

Carragh read from her books of poetry.

Azrienoch showed his first-edition copy of Mark Twain’s “Life on the Mississippi.”

“Well, that’s everyone,” said Alferian, “and I must say, you’ve all given very good reasons why you should keep your most valued possession, for the good of the world. It’s beginning to look as though we are doomed to stay here.”

“Hey,” said Lorraine, pointing at Crow. “What about him?”

“I don’t have anything of value,” said the old reporter. “All I have are my notebook and this stub of pencil, but since I don’t value them any more than do any of the rest of you, it would hardly be a sacrifice for me to give them up.”

“Wait a minute,” said Kat Lady. “You do have something else, I’ve seen it. Your license!”

“His what?” asked Beith.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Crow, backing away from the group.

“His license! His pub-crawling license! He values it like nothing else, and he can’t argue that the world wouldn’t be a better place if he didn’t have it!” said Kat Lady.

“By Jove, she’s right! You’re a hero for thinking of that, Kat Lady!” said Alferian. “Just hand over that license, Crow!”

“No! You can’t have it,” said Crow, his back to the wall.

But the others were on him in an instant, and although he fought like mad, the feeble bird was no match for any one of them, much less the whole group, and soon his license had been extracted from its hiding place behind some feathers, and cast upon the pile of eucalyptus leaves in the center of the circle.

Image

Crow sat on the floor, defeated, and he barely heard Alferian say, “Okay everybody, get ready, we’re going home! This is a sacrifice that the gods will be glad to accept, just as we are glad to make it, for the good of all the world! Selene, if you can just use your pumpkin medallion to ignite those leaves!”

"burning leaves!" said Carragh.

Crow saw a blue flame erupt from the administrator's medallion, and soon an odor like open vats of Vicks VapoRub filled the room. Crow heard everyone chanting, “there’s no place like home … there’s no place like home … there’s no place like home,” and just as he saw that the flames had reached his precious license, there was a huge bolt of blue lightni …”

THE END

Editor’s note: We apologize, but this pub crawl cannot be completed, as the originator of the thread has lost his pub-crawling license. We do, however, wish you all a blessed Samhuinn.

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Dryadia2
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Postby Dryadia2 » 21 Oct 2005, 14:56

That was truly a Noble gesture Crow!
To give up your Pub Crawl License!

What a fun adventure this Pub Crawl was!
Thank you each and everyone for your contributions!

A Blessed Samhuinn to Everyone!

(Dryadia shimmies away into the sunset, twirling her veil)

Peace and Blessings,
:dryadia: /|\
I would rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than any city on earth - Steve McQueen

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Postby Underground River » 21 Oct 2005, 15:39

Well-done and well-written, everybody!
Crow, does this mean you can't participate in more crawls or can they give you a new licence? :wink:
Who issues pub-crawling licences anyway?
Glad some new people participated this time. I can't wait for the next one! Happy Samhuin to the northern hemisphere and happy Bealtaine to those in the southern hemisphere!
Sincerely,
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Postby Lora » 21 Oct 2005, 17:00

Who issues pub-crawling licences anyway?
Good question! Do you think it might be Phlipp Phlopp? That was great fun and I hope that one day another licence can be reissued - I'm not sure Crow could cope for long without that little rectangle of laminated card tucked away in his feathers!

Lorraine (sans apron)

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Postby Phlipp Phlopp » 21 Oct 2005, 17:30

Greetings! I must say that this was a most enjoyable Pub Crawl. It did have all of the standard required elements for a Druidic adventure; mystery, intrigue, a reluctant hero. And now, I believe there was a question that needed answering?
Who issues pub-crawling licences anyway?
Good question! Do you think it might be Phlipp Phlopp?
Most Certainly! And the licenses are non-renewable, non-refundable, non-negotiable, and flame resistant.

p.s. Very nice apron, by the way.

Snarg

Postby Snarg » 21 Oct 2005, 17:36

Snarg, sheepishly stepped forward. In his right claw he held
Image

With a grin, he returned it to the disgruntled Crow, offering him a Mickey Mouse Band-Aid to reattach a few of the feathers he lost in the scuffle.

And as quick as you could say Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious, he was gone in the wink of an eye to the place where all good dragons go to await the next Pub Crawl. :grin:

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Postby Gedio-B- » 21 Oct 2005, 17:38

I take it that was epilogue...
Image
IL 2006
Image

"I will walk up and down this place, And they will know thay I am not afraid."

"In a time of Universal Deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."

Current read = The Sea, The Sea - Iris Murdoch

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Postby Crow » 21 Oct 2005, 17:43

Well if somebody had told me the thing is fire resistent I'd have relinquished it more readily in the first place! And thanks, Snarg, for getting it back for me. I was quite lost without it, though for a little while there, the world most certainly was a better place!

Good job, everybody, and a special thanks to Selene for her using her artistic talents to craft my license!

:raven:

P.S. Oh, and Beith doesn't really have ugly feet. I have seen her, you know, and her feet looked pretty normal, as did her shoes on those occasions!
Last edited by Crow on 21 Oct 2005, 17:45, edited 1 time in total.
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“You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.” ~ Edward Abbey

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Postby Kat Lady » 21 Oct 2005, 17:45

I take it that was epilogue...
Naw, that was just Snarg doing what Snarg does best: create chaos!

Well done everyone! But can someone explain to me why in these things I am always doing something that involves bodily fluids? :grin:
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.--Mark Twain

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Postby Crow » 21 Oct 2005, 17:50

But can someone explain to me why in these things I am always doing something that involves bodily fluids? :grin:
Good question, but one I can't answer. You, after all, must be better acquainted with your inner workings than I!

The thing that worries me is not knowing if the thumpings and bumpings in Lorraine's cellar were ever explained.

:crow:
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“You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.” ~ Edward Abbey

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Postby Lora » 21 Oct 2005, 17:58

The thing that worries me is not knowing if the thumpings and bumpings in Lorraine's cellar were ever explained.
You're worried? How do you think I feel? :fear: :yikes:

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Postby Mike » 21 Oct 2005, 18:19

Perhaps some things are best left unexplained!

Great fun everyone and well done - the Bardic tradition is clearly alive and kicking.

A very Happy Samhain to you all.

Blessings

Mike.
/|\

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Postby Underground River » 21 Oct 2005, 18:22

Ooooooooooo, very very scary (rolled r's) unexplained noises in the cellar.... Ooooooooooooooooooo... :fear:
Maybe they'll be explained in a future crawl. :wink:
I intend to start another one as soon as I can come up with an idea. lol
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Postby Crow » 21 Oct 2005, 18:54

I intend to start another one as soon as I can come up with an idea. lol
GreenDruid
But do you have a license?
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“You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.” ~ Edward Abbey

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Postby Underground River » 21 Oct 2005, 19:48

I think I just got caught pub-crawling without a licence! :o
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Postby Crow » 21 Oct 2005, 20:45

Crow looked at his Pub Crawl License, touched the slight charring of the lamination on the reverse side, and thought about how horrible it had been to be stricken mute, even for only a few hours.

Someone had asked about an epilogue, and the old reporter thought to himself, Why not? He took out his notebook and started to write:

Epilogue

When the smoke and menthol fumes had cleared, Crow saw that they were no longer in the small underground chamber on an Otherworldly island, but back in Lorraine’s otherworldly cellar. The gods had accepted their offering; the ritual had worked.

Only Snarg was missing, but no one was particularly worried about him, as everyone knew that dragons can cross the veil at will, having no need for wooden sailing ships or eucalyptus leaves.

“I’m coming!” shouted Lorraine, who then sprinted up the stairs like a halfback. She had heard her regular guests thumping around in the kitchen overhead and wanted to get upstairs before they left without paying, or absconded with any of her towels.

“Whew,” said Daigh Cahan, “what an adventure, but I’m sure glad to be back home and in one piece.”

“Hey, I smell spuds cooking upstairs,” said Beith. “I wonder if Lorraine has put on some rashers, too. I could use a bite to eat after all that.”

Everyone agreed, and they noisily climbed the stairs and found places wherever they could in Lorraine’s crowded kitchen.

The breakfast orders were coming fast and furious, and Lorraine was doing her best to keep up, but she was starting to get flustered and spilled scrambled egg mixture all over her apron. She stamped her foot and shrieked, “Enough!”

But just then, from down below, came an answering thump on the floor. And then another, and another. The chattering in the kitchen stopped as everyone listened to the thumpings and bumpings that were coming from the cellar. GreenDruid turned a deathly shade of white. “Was that what I think it was?” she squeaked.

“Come on everyone, let’s go see,” said Kat Lady, who after all had nine lives and didn’t worry too much about wasting one of them.

Back down the stairs they crept, Selene in the lead and using her pumpkin medallion’s spotlight to guide their way. Kat Lady came next, then Beith, who was dragging GreenDruid along by the arm. Carragh followed them, and after her came Mike and Daigh Cahan, followed by Azrienoch, Anonymoose, Alferian and Crow. Bringing up the rear was Lorraine, who was clutching a broom like a club.

“Shhhhhh,” said Selene. "Whatever’s making the noise is coming from behind the bookcase, in that room with all the mortuary equipment. Everybody get ready for anything, because I’m going to release the catch!”

“I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” said GreenDruid. “Lorraine, could you take me upstairs to get a glass of milk?”

But nobody listened to the quaking bard, and Selene reached for the bookcase catch and released it with an audible “click!” She swung open the bookcase.

http://wtv-zone.com/caseman/halo/wav/creakdoor2.wav

Then everything was silent. The light from the pumpkin medallion shone off the shiny surfaces of the embalming equipment inside. “Shhhh,” said Selene. “Look,” she whispered, “over there, in the corner … what is that?”

http://wtv-zone.com/caseman/halo/wav/evillaugh2.wav

Selene slammed shut the bookcase and they all ran back upstairs.

“I suppose it’s like someone said,” panted Lorraine. “Some things are just better left unknown.

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Postby Underground River » 21 Oct 2005, 21:31

Now here this! I am not a wimpy, quavery, fearful timid, terrified, squeaking bard! :o
:wink: :laugh:
Well-done Crow, you captured my character perfectly...a little too perfectly...I didn't click on those sound files, lol.
Can this go in the attick?
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Postby Kat Lady » 22 Oct 2005, 00:24

The sounds are great!
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.--Mark Twain

Image

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Postby Lora » 22 Oct 2005, 01:40

They are great. But does anyone else think the evil laugh is a bit like Sid James on steroids?

Lorraine

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Postby AnonyMoose » 22 Oct 2005, 17:21

AnonyMoose stood and swilling a draught of mead, bowed his antlers in salute to the others. "Well, I'm off," he said. "It has been my priviledge to know each and every one of you, share in your adventures and play the games that take place here... But my time has come."
"What are you saying you great furry hatrack?" asked Crow.
"I am going to make my last retreat, in this world at least. I have decided that at Samhain when my brother wolf goes to walk in the Otherworld, I'm going to accompany him, but will be staying there to learn and join with the spirits of the earth." He held up a hoof as a few started to speak, "when the white buffalo returned to our world this year, it left a void in the balance of Otherworld.
A white moose is as rare as the white buffalo, only one has been sighted in the past century, living in Newfoundland, off the coast of Canada... His departure brought the last white buffalo, and when this one leaves, a white moose will be born again. I have to go, for my spirit to prepare, and to restore the balance between the worlds. Peace be unto you my friends," he said bowing again.
As he straightened, they could see a bluish-white glow from within the chest fur of the great huge beast. He stamped his right front hooof on the floor, resoundingly, and looked upwards, bellowed once and vanished in a whisp of smoke that smelled of sweet sage.
On the floor, the imprint of a hoof remained, glowing faintly, as they stared. AnonyMoose was gone.
:moose:


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