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Posted: 01 Apr 2004, 19:38
"- A pub crawl?" said Beith "Are you sure?"
"It's a good idea" said Crow "start one"
"But I'm not sure I can in these" replied Beith, looking doubtfully at her 6 inch heeled stiletto ballet slippers.
"IF YOU LEAD, THEY WILL FOLLOW" said a voice from overhead.
"Who said that?!" exclaimed Beith, looking up at the sky.
No-one replied but a parrot in a nearby tree seemed to grin.
"I think I read something in the Old Testament about such occurences" replied Crow,"voices from heaven, burning trees etc"
"oh don't be silly" smiled Beith "those things don't happen nowadays. EEEK!"
A small azalea burst into flames beside her.
"Ok. This is too weird. I'm asking Oakwyse!" said Beith with an air of determination, "I've never heard of anyone being incited to a pub crawl by the Almighty"
"Could be a new strategy for the times" replied Crow with a grin.
"Very well" said Beith, never one to dice with the Divine, "Pub-crawl it is. Now who's with me?"
Alot of shouting and raising of hands occured.
"Where did they come from?" wondered Beith, sure she'd been alone with Crow.
Azrienoch, Selene, Alferian, Lady Moonchaser, Mooncloud, Carragh, Kaya-nita and assorted Copperlions, Coyotes and technodruids lined up eagerly behind Beith.
"Pub Crawl!" chorused the gang
"Which one first?" shouted Lady Moonchaser
"The only one, silly" replied Carragh
"To the Duck!" yelled someone from behind.
"Right!" said Beith "Follow me!" and immediately tripped over her heels.
Behind her, the line cascaded to the ground like dominoes.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to follow her" grumbled Alferian, removing Carragh's clogs from his forehead.
"Falling over's what you do after a pub crawl, not before it" whined Selene.
"I heard that!" shouted Beith "call it 'planning ahead' "
She picked herself up, dusted off and marched in the direction of the Foggy Duck.
"Shall we follow her?" asked White Coyote
"Maybe wait 'til she climbs out of the manhole first" replied Crow sagely, as he watched Beith disappear down a pit.
"it may take a while" he said. "Who wants to lead now?....."
Posted: 01 Apr 2004, 19:59
Posted: 01 Apr 2004, 20:16
Do we need to continue the story?
Posted: 01 Apr 2004, 20:25
“Upsy-daisy,” said Crow, hauling Beith out of the manhole and dumping her unceremoniously onto the ground. Whipping out a pad and pen that had been concealed behind a shiny black feather, he asked, “Okay, I heard you say your name is Beith … how do you spell that? B-E-E-T-H, right? Okay, How did you feel when you stumbled into the manhole? Why didn’t you see it? Do you plan any legal action? Were you drunk?”
Piper Oak approached, his kilt in a twist, and said to Falling Leaves who was silently smoldering nearby, “Good God who’s that pestering Beith? Can’t he see the girl’s hurt?”
“Damned press is what he is,” Falling Leaves replied. “His name's Crow, and he cares not a wit for man nor beast. He works for the Pagan Press, and he’s only after tomorrow’s headline. And from what I hear, never pays for his own drinks, just like all the rest of them cheap ba …”
“Wait a minute, maybe I can be of help,” said Selene, rushing to rescue Beith from Crow’s onslaught. She threw the wan lass over her shoulder and marched off to the pub. “She’s still breathing everybody, and that means she can drink,” Selene cried. “Let’s go … but not you, Crow!”
Crow just sighed and watched as the others marched inside. He’d heard the voice from above, and he knew there was a story here. They could blame him if they wanted, he didn’t care. He had a job to do, and he slipped into the bar by a side door and found his usual stool in a dark corner. He ordered a drink … Laphroaig, neat. He nursed his whiskey and listened, knowing that he would find a story to write as surely as he knew he would not pay for his drink …
Posted: 01 Apr 2004, 20:54
A young man, all dressed in black with long blond hair, saw Crow sneak into the pub and approached him. "Sit still and don't thinkt that you can harm the little lass, or get your story without me knowing." "Oh..." he continued, "I understand that you owe the landlady some money for some drinks earlier this week."
The youngster turned and strode off to the wounded girl, while looking for a First Aid Kit. He sat down nexto her and started nursing her. "I am Donagh MacBran of the Clan MacBran. What happened to you?"
The pale moonlight revealed his weird eyes, but nobody got scared.
Posted: 01 Apr 2004, 22:49
[Removed because I feel I've alienated some people I certainly did not wish to offend. I'm so sorry if this includes you]
Posted: 02 Apr 2004, 02:02
"Who said that?"
"She did, she did, he did, he did..... "
Posted: 02 Apr 2004, 02:26
In the words of the great Monty Python; STOP, THIS IS SILLY !!
Posted: 02 Apr 2004, 19:20
AHH!!! But in the words of....ummm, the great Mr. Bean, SILLY IS AS SILLY DOES!
WHAT better place to get silly than in the pub?
Carry on my wayward friends!!!!(or are we in the FD by now?
Posted: 02 Apr 2004, 19:25
Piper Oak stepped out of character for a moment and moved off to stage right. Chuckling to himself, he thought, "Damn, I suppose I'll never retrieve my image after that last story!"
He made a note to remind folks that, at 57, he just doesn't use phrases like "Damn, she's hot when she's wet."
"Probably amuse some folks, and disallusion others," he thought, "I'm going to have to stick to older tales from now on." He waved to Azrienoch and smiled at him. "Leave this kind of thing to the younger guys," he thought.
Grumbling something under his breath about being too old for such things, he wandered off out of this tale and into another story . . .
Posted: 02 Apr 2004, 21:24
"I shall pray for your fast healing" Donagh said to Beith. "To which one?" She asked a little groggy. "To all of them" Donagh replied cheerfully.
Donagh knelt nexto Beith and started praying an Beith closed her eyes and fell asleep
Posted: 02 Apr 2004, 21:35
Although he was greatly concerned about the wet but still-unconscious Beith, another story beckoned Piper Oak. But before leaving, he paid the barkeep for the first round of drinks for everyone except Crow, who received nothing but a glare. Straightening his kilt, Piper Oak remembered the tip, and hastily threw another bill onto the bar. “Goodbye all,” he cried, “and for heaven’s sake, dry her off a little, eh?” And with that, Piper Oak mopped his own brow, went through the door and was gone.
With all eyes turned to the door, Crow reached out furtively with his wing and palmed the tip money with which to pay for his own drink. He then began to scribble furiously in his notebook as all attention turned back to Beith.
Sweeping aside the first aid kit, which the young man with the strange eyes had opened next to the bedraggled Beith, SkyBear hauled out his much larger doctor’s bag and dumped out its contents. Dozens of wands rattled and rolled around the floor, each labeled with the A&A seal, which of course stands for Alferian & Azrienoch.
“Okay, who’s going to help with this?” asked SkyBear, as he took up a long, curly wand with a particularly sharp-looking tip.
“I’ll do it, that’s one of mine,” said Alferian, and taking the wand from SkyBear, and at the doctor’s direction, held the wand firmly in his fist while placing the sharp tip directly over Beith’s heart. “This’ll wake her up,” said SkyBear, as he raised a hammer high over his head with which to strike a blow against the butt end of the wand.
“WAIT!!!!” screeched Selene, tapping furiously on her laptop. “I’ve just found a web link! It’s www. wandmedic.com, and it says you’re not supposed to use the wand with the unicorn hair!!! YOU IDIOTS!!! You need the one with the phoenix feather!!! Do you have any idea what would have happened if you’d struck her heart with a unicorn wand???”
Crow withdrew a cell phone from his tail feathers and quietly called the office. Thunder rumbled in the heavens above. “Stop the presses,” Crow intoned, thinking to himself that he’d always wanted to say that. “There’s something big going on down here at the pub. Send a photographer.” And with that he turned his attention back to the front of the bar. It was LadyMoonChaser, and something had her hopping mad …
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 06:13
“WELL! I NEVER! If a lady can’t even go into the washroom & get some privacy!!, I was just standing in front of the mirror touching up my sultry lips & happened to glance down to check the seams in my stockings when I noticed a small hole in the wall next to the sink, & when I looked closer I could see an eye but then it vanished!” the whole while fanning herself with her red lace fan, as she felt as if flames were shooting out of her ears & eyes!
“OK! WHAS ALL THE FUSSIN ABOUT!” Inquired Gladys in her usual sweet croak, “AND WHAS WRONG WITH THE WET REDHEAD? AND WHY IN GORN’s NAME HASN’T ANYBODY COVERED THE POOR GIRL UP, SHE’S OBVIOUSLY COLD!!!”
At that, all the drooling fellows suddenly snapped to & they all started looking for a blanket or jacket to cover poor, obviously cold, Beith with,
it looked like a scene from the 3 stooges,
"woo woo woo woo",
they all started slapping each other & poking each other in the eyes while doing a little jig,
until finally EarthWard stepped in, with a very nice faux suede coverlet in Monterey Blue with little star sequinces stitched in beautiful spirals, & placed it gallantly over the very obviously cold, Beith who was still laying in a deep sleep, a sweet smile curled up one side of her lip, just like a beautiful princess.
Everyone just stood there in silence, awed by her beauty....
Suddenly, the magical moment was broken, when Lady MoonChaser started stamping her feet for attention...(of course, she had on her blood red satin & pearl studded stainless steel stilettos on, & she was doing a bit of Flamenco, so she was hard to ignore)....
”UH HELLO??”in her best Hispanic valley girl voice, trying not to tip her head too far so the fruit in her turban wouldn’t fall out, she had been on her way to try out for the new “Chiquita Banana *tm” commercial when she somehow got pulled into this ball of confusion...
”Does anybody care that there is a peep hole in the ladies room & someone has been peeping at the girls in there! That’s pretty SCANDALOUS, don’t you think?”
Crow was trying his best to ignore the Chiquita Banana Wannabe, until he heard one of his favorite words, ‘SCANDALOUS’!
He was so excited he started pacing back & forth & twitching his tail up & down, which got Rancid extremely interested in the shiny black chicken looking thing, wondering if anyone would really notice one less crow with a cell phone......
Suddenly, a loud gasp came from a darkened corner & everyone turned(clockwise, of course)(deosil?), there stood Tinne who struck a match exposing a fruit filled turban & a red lace fan!
In the background Crow was feverishly caw-cawing into his cell phone trying to keep up with the sudden extravaganza of smut
And the lovely princess Beith slept on.......
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 09:30
Lady Moonchaser stamped her feet again and a tangerine bumped and rolled onto the floor. “Isn’t anybody going to help me find this peeping pervert???” she asked. But all eyes were now on SkyBear as he turned his attention back to Beith.
“Okay, if there aren’t any more interruptions,” he growled, as the thunder crackled alarmingly overhead. Alferian again held the pointed end of a wand over Beith’s heart, this time one with a phoenix feather, while SkyBear drew back his hammer. He swung with authority, but as the hammer came whistling down, he expertly slowed it like a baseball player taking a check swing at a ball in the dirt. The hammer struck the end of the wand with just a light tap. There was a blinding flash, and when everyone’s eyes had adjusted, they saw with horror that Beith’s beautiful head was still there, but her shivering body had turned into a birch tree, albeit one with stiletto-heeled ballet slippers on its taproot.
“Uh-oh,” said Selene, in a small voice. www. wandmedic.com says that if, and ONLY if, the patient is an Irish girl who has fallen down a manhole, then you’re supposed to use a wand with a green crystal.”
“Well why the bloody ‘ell didn’t you tell us that before?” shouted Tinne, fanning madly.
“I would have but the cat’s tail got in the way of the screen and I didn’t see it,” whined Selene, stroking the white feline that had now climbed on top of her head.
“WHAT ABOUT ME??????” shouted Lady MoonChaser, a bunch of grapes falling into her eyes. “PERVERT!!!! PEEPHOLE!!!! HELP!!!!”
Just then a crack of thunder, much louder than before, caused everyone to gasp (except for Beith, who just snored and drooled -- though prettily -- at one end, and rustled slightly at the other).
Now the room grew utterly silent, and all eyes turned to the women’s restroom, for from it strode a commanding figure.
Crow’s beak dropped. There could be no doubt that the thing now approaching the center of the room was a burning bush. But not just your every-day, garden-variety burning bush. No, this was a Burning G.W. Bush. He burned, yet was not consumed.
In his rapid exodus, Piper Oak had forgotten his bagpipes, and now, seizing the opportunity, Merlyn, who had been just an interested observer until now, grabbed up the pipes and began to play “Hail to the Chief.”
But it was Lady MoonChaser who ended the magic of the moment when she cried, “IT’S HIM, IT’S HIM … THE EYE IN THE PEEPHOLE! I’D KNOW IT ANYWHERE, IT’S HIM …”
Crow flipped his notebook to another blank page. He took a huge gulp of whiskey and waited hopefully. He was ready for whatever came next …
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 15:21
Donagh awakend from his trancelike prayar to heal Beith.
"I have heard of the green crystal you speak of." Donagh stated. "Crow, I do belive you wanted a story. It is said in a legend that the green crystal lies in a mountain, which can onley be reached trough a quest. Is suggest that we visit my tutor for the full story. Beith is Irish if I am not mistaken?"
Crows eyes started to shine as he smelled the scoop of the century.
"A quest?" Lady MoonChaser asked surprisingly "I am in for it, let's go"
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 18:55
Crow staggered drunkenly to the side of Donagh MacBran. The youth had behaved threateningly to the grizzled reporter earlier, but he wasn’t afraid. He hadn’t survived this long in a rough-and-tumble business by heeding the threats of young toughs.
“Okay, kid,” he said, quickly establishing his superiority in age and experience. “You want to take us on a road trip, well that’s fine. But this is a daily newspaper, not some seed catalog, we have deadlines! You better have us back here and heading toward some resolution within an hour or two, or there’ll be hell to pay.”
He stared balefully at the blond youth, who had taken a step backward, but it was the Burning G.W. Bush who spoke.
“Donagh, Donagh,” the Burning G.W. intoned. And Donagh answered, “Yes, I am here.” Then the flaming shrub said, “Take off your sandals; the place where you are standing is holy ground.”
“Not bloody likely,” whispered Tinne to Azrienoch. “Holy ground? This is The Duck, and you know folks don’t always hit those spittoons! No way am I taking off me shoes.”
The Bush didn’t notice this aside, and now he continued, for Donagh and several others had removed their shoes, though Crow, who hadn’t been wearing any to begin with, just shook his head and scribbled.
“I am the president,” said the hot-and-smoking hedge. “I am the son of George, brother of Jeb, father of the slutty twins.”
Donagh now covered his face, for he was afraid to look upon the piping-hot politician.
“WHAT WERE YOU DOING LOOKING THROUGH A PEEPHOLE?” shouted Lady MoonChaser, who would not be distracted from the invasion of her privacy.
But the Bush continued speaking as if he hadn’t heard. “I have seen Beith’s suffering and have come down from the Oval Office to rescue her.”
Alferian, noticing that the only pain the still-snoring Beith was likely to be suffering was from some of her leaves and twigs that had begun to smoke due to their proximity to the sizzling leader of the free world, threw a full glass of Guinness on her to cool her off. Beith sighed, then belched, but quickly settled back into her drooling doze.
“You seek the green crystal,” the G.W. Bush drawled. “Go ye then to Texas, to the Mountain of Guadalupe. Seek the green crystal there.”
“YEEHAW!” hollered Selene, her Texas heritage showing as she thought about the opportunity to get some real down-home barbecue.
“PERVERT,” shouted Lady MoonChaser.
The G.W. Bush then raised his arm, and the entire ceiling of the Foggy Duck turned to roiling smoke and clouds. There was a flash, and the whole assemblage was transported to a rocky mountaintop.
Crow looked at his watch, which rattled loosely on his stick-like leg. Well, everyone’s here, he thought, everyone but Beith, who presumably was still slobbering all over the floor back at the Duck.
He thought about his deadline then shrugged, “Good-for-nothing editors will just have to pick up the slack,” he thought, and then aloud he said, “OK, who’s going to lead this expedition now?”
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 19:17
Jenn wanders in to the Duck holding a fire extinguisher....
" Damn....to late eh? And where'd everyone go??" At that she is sent to the moutain top as well...
"I heard there was a Burning Bush? Do we need one of these?" she said holding up the extinguisher.
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 19:22
"Texas of all places" Donagh grumbled. "and this is not a roadtrip Crow, we shall spend a few weeks, maybe a little more then a year on this quest. I do hope you can send a daily report to your paper." Donagh took a small compass outof his coat an took al look at it and turned round for a while.
"Now where are we going" both Selene and Lady MoonChaser demanded.
Suddenly Jenn pops up but Donagh continued not being surprised. He points towards a mountain. "That is our first goal, about a few days walk I think"
OOC: Who is with the party for the quest at hand?
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 19:26
OOC: Anybody and everybody who wants to be. Except Beith, I suppose, who's no doubt snoring and drooling somewhere, though God knows where.
Posted: 03 Apr 2004, 21:02
Nomad, Alferian, Azrienoch and Selene decided to stay behind and see what could be done in the mean time for our poor beloved Beith.
Alferian grumbled out "Are you people through making so much noise… 'Ell poor Beith still needs OUR HELP AND WE NEED QUIET...thanks." Alferian giving heavy stare around the room to see if any one else was going to interrupt him. A loud voice from the corner came rolling out. “What the ell is going on now! I mean I sit down to write and I look around and Beith is on the floor out. Who did this how long has this been going on? Nomad why didn’t you nudge me?” Nomad looks at Kaya-Nita and laughs “Woman you have been sitting there for a week. I have poked you, prodded you, set a bon fire under you and you did not even Budge. I even poured ice water on you and that cursed lap-top!”
“Oh come on don’t be so Melodramatic it’s only been a day…not a week.” Azerienoch shouted out, “Kaya you have been in that corner so long we though we were going to have to de-web you. Look over there you can see the webs hanging from the ceiling and from your shoulders.”
“OH Boooyy I really have been out of it.” Kaya looks to Alferian “Dearest I think you are holding that thing wrong if you aren’t careful you’ll put out an eye.” Alferian looks dumbfounded. “Don’t she know whoo I am?” Kaya reaches for the wand in his hand. “Here hand me that…before…you. Will you please hold still!” The wand slips out of Kaya’s hand and hits Alferian smack in the middle of his forehead. Kaya gets a sudden worry look when she sees Alferian’s head turn into one of the Keebler Elves.
“Aaaahhhmm…I left my lap-top on I need to go shut it off….” Kaya turns and picks up the wand hands it to Azrienoch and then runs back to her corner to hide hoping Alferian wont notice for a while. But every body else just started giggling.
“What now…What the ‘ell is every body laughing at?” Alferian stood up looked in the mirror behind the bar. Shouting at the top of his Lungs. “KAYA-NITA…WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HEAD!” Kaya squeaking from the back corner of the Pub. “Would you like me to fix it?” “NO I like looking like a CARTOON…YES FIX IT AND FIX IT…NOW!”
Kaya quickly scurried up to Alferian grabbed the wand from his hand and bonked him in the middle of the forehead while she closed her eyes and crossed her toes. Muttering very quietly to her self “Oh Brighid let this work, or at least show me a good hiding hole?”
With one eye slightly open she watched as Alferian changed from a Keebler Elf to Lucky from Lucky Charms. Kaya quickly turned around kissed Beith on the forehead muttered Beith I Love Ya Sister Dearest…I’m out of here!” Kaya used mind levitation grabbed her laptop and headed for the hills.