Pub Crawl: "Ichi... Ni... San... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..

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Niht-Wyrd
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Pub Crawl: "Ichi... Ni... San... Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..

Postby Niht-Wyrd » 31 Aug 2004, 22:13

........ iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...."

Craig knew the ending to the sentence. He’d been here before, he just wasn’t really sure when exactly it came. Here we go again he thought, well, another bit of him thought as the main bit was still concentrating intently on the iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’s.

Jamie’s Swirling Slide of ‘sequence, or JAMSSS for short (its original name, Jamie and the Magic Torch’s Swirling Slide of Consequence, or JAMTSSC, just didn’t seem to roll off the tongue, so the powers that be decided to make it a little more "hip". Just ask CAMRA, how would the Campaign for Real Ale have sounded as CFRA? Probably OK after a few pints of the stuff, but this was meant to show fine brews as being a drink of choice, not reserved solely for beered-up beardy beer bellies! Oh, how standards can slip...)

Craig couldn’t help wondering why his other bit had got to thinking about booze when he was quite possibly in grave peril!

Round and round, and down and down he sped.

"........ iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...." he remembered.

Now as we all know, there are many different types of JAMSSS, and Craig had seen more than his fair share of them. The Strawberry had been a particularly pleasant one from his early years, he mused. You see, the Slide works as a kind of cosmic karmic fairground thingie, you do something, for good or bad, then take a ride! Simple eh? Unfortunately, the Gods decide when you need to take the ride, and more importantly, decide where the ride leads.

This is not usually too bad a thing, as normally you have at least some inkling about why you’re suddenly stood atop the world’s largest fairground attraction, and therefore where it may lead. The last time, Craig remembered, he knew it was going to be bad. He couldn’t really understand why, the big man-sized pink bunny had plenty of baskets of the bloody eggs, and it didn’t even notice that one had gone! He remembered thinking that just before the "SPLASH" and careful inspection of Olaf the Giant’s U-bend. Most embarrassing, Carragh had to sucker him out with a massive plunger after Olaf complained about dodgy plumbing.

This time however, he was stumped.

"........ iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...."

He’d sent Beith that lovely pair of cerise winkle-pickers, that was a nice thing, she loves shoes. Admittedly, they were mens and a size 11, but what can a guy do in the cold, wet Northern reaches, practical workin’ attire only! Copper Lion and he did get drunk on Piskie’s poteen, but they didn’t mind, they were away on holiday in Blackpool anyway. And he’d even lent his Owls to Carragh over winter, and they’d only made a tiny, ‘ickle bit of a mess.

No, he just couldn’t work it out.

"........ iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiSPLASHHHHHHHH!!!"

Which was OK, coz he’d landed.

Wet? he thought....... still submerged he opened his eyes carefully....... Yellow? he thought....... he tried to get his bearings....... Too big for Olaf’s? he thought..... he began to worry..... DRAGON!! he thought... he did worry... iiiiit!!! he garbled..

As he did his mouth filled with the yellowy substance... and he stopped. Then he gulped. Then he gulped again, and then twice more. Then he made sharpish for the surface for fear of drowning himself.

"CIDER!!!!" he yelled in delight, "CIDERRRRRRR!!!!"

Gladys just glared at him, Craig smiled back like a duck.

"GET YER UGLY BACKEND OUTTA MY NEW VAT!"

"Uhh… helloshh ev’ryonsss... I’s back..." he said... indeed, falling back.

:empty:

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Postby Ruthie » 01 Sep 2004, 00:12

"Did I hear someone shout 'Cider' ?
I think I did," sang Moon Cloud as she descended from the chimney.
"then you'll be wanting none of this, then," came a cool reply from the bar.
"'S got a 'Craig' in't. Hey Craiggy! How'dcha get yarself in thar?" another concerned voice from the center of the room.
"I'll rescue him, I will" said Moon Cloud, puffing herself out to look bigger.
"If I were you, I wouldn't want to go in after him," from the bar
"But he'll drown, it'll be the end o' him!" Moon Cloud whimpered to the shape at the bar, "I'm goin' in after him, I can swim!"
"I think explode is the right word, not drown," the shape at the bar replied mysteriously, "but save him if you must, I won't stop you."
Suddenly the thought of Craig exploding in a perfectly good tub of cider was too graphic, and disappointing, for anyone in the room.
"I'm coming Craig, don't you worry!" Moon Cloud bravely shouted, just before she was trampled by ten others in the pub, all shouting "get him out of there before he ruins all the cider!"

Ain't it good to be so loved!
MC

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Postby Loosh » 01 Sep 2004, 00:59

:guinness:
ok I got me pint and settle in to watch the show! :grin:
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Postby grian » 01 Sep 2004, 07:18

:applause: :applause: :applause: more more....
The future enters into us,
in order to transform itself in us,
long before it happens.

RILKE

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Postby Draghkar » 01 Sep 2004, 09:34

please continue.... :-D :-D :-D :grin: :grin: :grin:

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Postby Jeb » 01 Sep 2004, 16:12

“YOU’RE SCARIN’ THE FISH AWAY, DANG YA! SOMEONE GET HIM OUTA THERE!!!” a shrill voice called out from somewhere near the ceiling. A few folk looked up to see Jeb seated atop a rather tall bookshelf overlooking the vat. One leg was dangling lazily over the edge of the shelf and a flimsy bamboo pole jutted out over the vat. From the tip of the pole a thin line stretched down into the golden liquid. “I BEEN STALKIN’ OL’ WALTER SINCE NOON AND I – oh, Craig, didn’t see it was you... you all right there? Took a bit of a spill, I’d say.”

Jeb scratched his chin and looked up at the ceiling. Scratching his chin again he looked down to where his line met the surface of the cider. “Say, now,” he whispered to himself, his attention fixed. “Was that a twitch?” Craig thrashing around in the cider didn’t make it any easier to watch his line. “Say, Craig, wanna be a bud and swim on over to the shallow end for a sec? I think I’m getting a nibble but I can’t get a good bead on it with you making all them waves.”

Then the surface was still. The noise in the bar dropped down to a hoarse whisper. Every patron in the place had their eye on that tiny spec on the surface of the liquid that indicated the line. Jeb held his breath. Then... there it was... like a guitar-string being plucked, a twitch! Then the eerie cello music began... dum-dum... dum-dum... dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum... Everyone was holding their breath now.

But that was all. One tiny twitch and then... nothing. A few minutes passed and the crowd slowly began to go back to trampling MoonCloud. Craig looked up at Jeb from the shallow end of the vat and shrugged. Turning he started to climb out of the vat.

Then suddenly he was gone. There one second, and gone the next! “Craig? Where’d ya go?” Jeb inquired of the swirl that swirled where once Craig stood.

And it dawned on him. Through clenched teeth he let one hissing word escape: “WALTER!” Jeb threw off his hat and stood up on the bookshelf. “Your fight is against me Walter! Not my friends! I’m coming down there!” And without further word he kicked off his shoes, tossed his pole to the floor and dove head first into the golden liquid in search of his abducted friend.

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Postby Crow » 01 Sep 2004, 18:19

Crow, sitting in the rafters and writing in his reporter’s notebook, had just jotted down the words “golden whirlpool with a giant sucking sound,” when everything in the room that was not tied down began to swirl and fly around in the wind, as if there had been a sudden decompression in an airplane flying at 35,000 feet.

Crow flapped bravely against the breeze, but his flying skills weren’t what they used to be, and he felt himself going backwards and down into the maelstrom of cider. He saw other bodies thrashing around beside him, but inside the golden liquid, he couldn’t be sure of their identities. One thing was certain, they were headed someplace fast.

Then with a splash and a bone-jarring landing, the world stopped spinning. Crow looked around and saw tall snowcapped mountains and alpine scenery. “Where are we?” he wondered aloud.

Moon Cloud, who was rubbing a part of her cloudy posterior that was turning black and blue like a thunderstorm, answered, “I think it’s the Andes.”

“No,” said Jeb, who had dropped his fishing pole and stood there looking puzzled, “That mountain over there looks like Mount Fuji. I think we’re in Japan.”

“Not at all,” said Craig. “I think we’re in the States, and these are the Rocky Mountains.”

"And just how would you know that?" asked Carragh. "You're not even an American!"

The tension level was rising, what with not knowing where they were, and several of the Foggy Duck patrons looked as though they might come to blows. Selene was tapping furiously on her laptop, trying without success to link up with a GPS satellite, when suddenly they heard singing, and the question was answered for them.

“The hills are alive with the sound of music
The songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music

My heart wants to sing every song it hears
My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
That rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like the chimes
That flies from a church on a breeze
To laugh like a brook when it trips
And falls over stone on its way
To sing through the night
Like a lark who is learning to pray
I'll go to the hills when my heart is lonely
I know I will hear what I've heard before
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more ...


“Alps!” They all shouted at once. And gazing down into a meadow, they saw a young woman wearing a nun’s habit. Thinking she was alone and unobserved, she was twirling around, singing, and hamming it up. She twirled around again, and this time her dress lifted slightly and the Ducksters on the hillside caught a glimpse of a pair of cerise winkle-pickers. They’d found Beith …
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Postby Ruthie » 02 Sep 2004, 01:27

"WALTER! I MEAN YOU, WALTER! I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME!" Jeb shouted
"No, it's Beith, you silly. I don't think Walter would be in a Nun's habit," Tinne explained quietly, while adjusting the straps on her "golden lasso" sandals, purported to convey the powers of Wonder Woman to the wearer.
"Thwhat are we thwdoing here, and thwhow did we thwget here?" Crow asked, making a futile attempt to clean his sticky feathers.
Everyone was so perplexed by Beith's strange attire, and her funny little dance, Night Hawk had to be forcibly restrained from her drumming, lest she spoil the scene.
Loosh, having finally found feet once again asked, "what is happening? I was home, sitting right in front of my computer, and now I'm in some field with a spinning nun!"
Still point replied with the constant calm which is a signature aspect, "I think, my dear, we've been dragged unawares into this thread, and now we must all help to resolve it, or we may remain here forever. It's a nice enough place, though," SP added quite optimistically.
Draghkar, having had a rough landing on a pointy bit of rock, simply groaned, "What do you mean stuck here forever? I left the oven on."
"Nfff! Mfff! Oompff!!!" said Night Hawk, and she broke free, and frantically drummed on her little drum, which caught Beith's attention immediately.
Her twirling dance stopped, and all eyes were fixed on the mushroom growing at an alarming rate in the center of the field.
"Oh now you've done it," Moon Cloud snapped to Night Hawk. "What's that swooshing sound?"

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Postby Crow » 02 Sep 2004, 18:47

At the sound of Night Hawk’s drumming, Beith twirled around again, spied the Foggy Duck patrons on the hill above her, tripped and fell, got up and ran to meet them.

“Quick everybody, you’ve got to get out of here before you’re trapped like me … Maria von Trapp to be exact. Let me tell you, I was sitting at home and had just started to eat my dinner of bangers and portabello, when whoosh, I was transported here and was wearing these clothes. I think that thing is to blame,” she said, pointing downhill to the giant fungus that was growing in the meadow where she’d been.

“Oh god, I HATE this movie, and I know my singing sucks, but I can’t control it and … oh god, here it comes again …”

Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow Sew
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do (oh-oh-oh)

When you know the notes to sing
You can sing most anything

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow Sew
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do

Do . . . So Do
Re . . . La Fa
Mi . . . Mi Do
Fa . . . Re
So . . . So Do
La . . . La Fa
Ti . . . La So Fa Mi Re
Ti Do - oh - oh Ti Do -- So Do


Just as Beith's last dulcet tone was fading, Crow said, “Oh no, I feel something bad …”

And suddenly he began an odd croaking sound, soon taken up by Beith as the strange couple began an even stranger duet on the mountaintop.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white, clean and bright
You look happy to meet me

Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever


The others stood there aghast, some covering their ears, others looking as though they were about to be sick.

“What can we do?” shouted Craig.

“Working on it,” said Selene, still hammering at the keyboard on her laptop.

But just then they heard a belching sound and looking downhill, where the still-growing mushroom had just vomited forth a cloud of spores, which was blowing on the wind toward them.

There could be no escape, and the spores swirled around the frantic group. Suddenly the world was spinning again. Where were they going next?
Last edited by Crow on 21 Sep 2004, 15:49, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Loosh » 02 Sep 2004, 18:53

...a glimpse of white rabbits in brown shirts...
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Postby grian » 02 Sep 2004, 20:33

with a thud, the bewildered band, plus a few others members of the Foggy that the spores had shapeshifted, landed with a thud outside a huge castle in the very same mountains.
"i think i can hear singing" said loosh "and arent those rabbits carrying something gleaming?"
stillp, fast losing her oint and getting very agitated, said "i think this is that place where they have all those singing competitions, with the guards all over the place. there is purported to be gold and silver and jewels of all kinds in this castle. shall we set up an expedition to get it? come on, this is magic and so exciting!!!"
"hold on a minute, steady does it" said kernos "we have to do this the proper way and document it as we go along. fialka, will you be scribe please?"
they all agreed, and sat down to agree a plan of action.
darn, it rains now, but along comes chris with souwesters for everyone...
"dont think i'd better drum anymore" said night hawk, moving next to crow. "could you do a recce for us, crow and have a look inside the castle?"

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Postby Chris Raines » 02 Sep 2004, 21:20

Chris stands in the middle of everyone looking perplexed as to how he got there and still be clever enough to bring souwesters to keep off the rain. " Um Stillpoint, Fialka, Kernos, what's going on, and why are there rabbitts?" says Chris looking at Stillpoint tying not to sing about being 16 going on 17. Stillpoint tilts her head in sympathy for her aquarian friend. "We've all been sucked into this enchantment, and we're tying to fiqure out how to get back home" Stillpoint explains. "And everyone is making song references to a musical I don't know enough about."

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Postby Ruthie » 03 Sep 2004, 00:10

The sun was setting as the group became overcome by the spores. Moon Cloud, floating a little higher, was affected to a smaller degree than the others.
"Let's get some sleep," she suggested, "after all
tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow you're only a day away
we'll all have a clearer head in the
good morning, good morning! ain't it great to stay up late, good morning, good morning to you!
Don't breathe too deeply. I know the spores smell sweet, but
a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, medicine go dooowwwwn medicine go down
So let's all try to keep a level head until morning."

Somehow, everyone was able to follow along, and they made a little camp for the night.

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Postby Jeb » 03 Sep 2004, 03:31

Then, it was morning. The sun was rising and the small band of dimensional travelers was still fast asleep at the foot of the great castle gate. Silhouetted against the rising sun, a figure could be seen walking along to top of the castle wall. It stopped, turned and loooked down at the sleeping group. He frowned and made a loud "ahem!" noise.

At the sound some of the folk below began to stir.

"What's going on? Where are we?" "I had the most wonderful dream - eh? What the-?" "Oh ya, I remember now..." a murmer was breaking out amoung the groggy druids below.

"SILENCE!" shouted the figure on the wall. "I have brought you all here for a reason! Quiet down and listen, all will be made clear."

And the figure began his tale...

"On the twenty-third day of the month of September in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places."

Then he turned to greet three more figures who had appeared on the wall beside him. The three began to sing:

"Little shop, little shoppa horrors.
Little shop, little shoppa terror.
Call a cop. Little shoppa horrors.
No, oh, oh, no-oh!

Little shop, little shoppa horrors.
Bop sh'bop, little shoppa terror.
Watch 'em drop! Little shoppa horrors.
No, oh, oh, no-oh!"

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Postby Crow » 08 Sep 2004, 19:48

Editor's Note: I've noticed that there are lots of new people around, and I'd like to give an explanation and an invitation. These "stories" which appear from time to time in The Pub are just a bit of silliness that has been a tradition here since long before I arrived on the scene. In this story you'll see names of people you may recognize, or not. Just because you don't see your name here doesn't mean that you can't participate. Please write yourself in if you'd like, and in that way we may get to know you. The only "rule," if there is one, is that we try -- though not always with success -- to pick up the story from where the previous poster left it, and to include at least some of those elements in whatever comes next. -- Crow

And then suddenly, just as the figure on the wall had promised, all was made clear to the group of Pagans assembled before the wall, for when the group of dancing singers turned around, the red letters stitched to the back of their blue coveralls became visible, letters that read, "The Singing Movers."

As usual it was Selene, never one to stop seeking answers from her handy laptop, who drew the confusing threads of the story together.

"Okay everybody, I think I can draw the confusing threads of this story together," she said. "It says right here at http://www.portabellomushrooms.com, that when portabello mushrooms are eaten in combination with pork at twilight in September, a giant mushroom will appear and grant the wish of whatever that person was thinking. Now Beith, this is important. What were you thinking about when you sat down to eat?"

Everyone, including the singing movers, stopped to listen as the Irish girl thought back to when she had sat down to dinner shortly before. "Well," Beith said, "I was just thinking that I'd be moving back to Ireland soon, and that even though I love it and it is my home, I have grown fond of the mountains here in Switzerland, and that part of me wishes I could stay. But at the same time, I was thinking that I have so much to pack, and I wished that I had some friends to help me, but that it was really too much to ask of my friends, and that I also needed professional movers, but that the last time I'd hired a moving company, they were a grouchy lot, and I hoped that any movers I hired this time would be a happy bunch, with a twinkle in their eye and a song on their lips."

Selene snapped shut the lid on her laptop in triumph. "And that, my dear, explains everything. The giant mushroom did in fact appear, as we all saw, and your feelings of some regret at not being able to stay were manifested by being transported into the mountains, where you sang -- badly -- about their beauty. And the rest of us were sucked through the cider and to this place because you wished for friends to help you move. And of course these guys," she said waving an arm at the movers on the wall, "are here because you wished for the assistance of gay and happy professional movers. So let that be a lesson to all of you," she said, glancing around at the incredulous Foggy Duck patrons. "Anything can be explained. All you need is a good laptop and access to the World Wide Web."

Crow tried to shake some life back into his wing feathers, which had gone numb from jotting it all down in his reporter's notebook. He wasn't sure he could believe everything he'd just heard, but he just shrugged his shoulders, resigned to his fate, as usual. And after all, Selene was an Ovate, so who was he to question.

Beith, however, had no problem believing any of it, and now that everything had been explained to her satisfaction, she was overjoyed. "Well everybody, now that you're here, I suppose it would be nice of you to help me move. Since my small regrets about leaving have been adequately expressed, I think the mushroom will allow us all to go straightaway back downhill to my apartment, and we can begin to pack and move my things to Ireland. Thank you all so much for offering to help."

Craig and Jeb were grumbling to each other. "Did you hear that? Offered to help move? I offered no such thing," said Craig. "Neither did I," said Jeb. "All I know is I got sucked through a cider vat and now here I am in Switzerland with the prospect of lugging boxes and furniture. This sucks, and I don't just mean the cider. How do I get out of here?"

There was nothing for it but to follow along, and everyone did, including the Singing Movers, who were now singing a tune from "Mary Poppins."

Soon the group was out of the mountains and into the streets of a Swiss city. There was a folding knife vendor on every corner, the ticking sound of millions of clocks and watches was heard, and the smell of chocolate was overpowering. Carragh had to be dragged out of several fudge shops along the way, but eventually the group made its way to Beith's apartment building, and sitting in front on his Harley Davidson motorcycle, a small trailer hitched to the back, was Billy Joe Bob from Texas.

"Well it's about time you folks got here. I seen all of ye land up there in that meadow," he said, pointing to the mountains, "but I had my Harley here, and it ain't no mountain bike, so when I got sucked into the cider vat, me and my bike landed here, and I been here ever since just a-waitin' on ye."

Moon Cloud quickly explained the situation to Billy Joe Bob, but the Texan didn't like what he'd heard, and now he swaggered up to Beith.

"Ireland?" he asked. "Why in tarnation do ye want to go to Ireland? Why, Texas is the place you want to be. It's not hardly no different from Ireland, but the weather is better."

This was the wrong thing to say to Beith, and a red glow started in her neck and quickly spread to her face as she stared hotly at the Texan.

"Texas, just like Ireland? Ha! Texas is NOTHING like Ireland. How can you say such a ridiculous thing? In Ireland, we have Guinness!"

"Well that don't mean nothin'," said Billy Joe Bob. "In Texas, we got Shiner Bock."

Standing toe-to-toe now with the Texan, the redhead raged. "In Ireland, we have the Cattle Raid of Cooley!"

"Just one?" taunted Billy Joe Bob. "You want to tell a Texan about cattle raids? Well we got at least five cattle raids ever day down in Texas."

"Okay," said Beith, "Ireland has Tara!"

"Okay," answered Billy Joe Bob, "Texas has the Alamo!"

Beith just stamped her foot, turned on her heel and unlocked the door to her apartment. "Well, are my FRIENDS going to help me move, or are you all going to just stand there?" she screeched.

Craig looked at Jeb, who looked at Crow. "Do we have a choice?" asked Craig.

"NO!" shouted Beith, but then calming quickly, she batted her eyes and asked, "Would you fine gentlemen please get started straightaway in this room here? This is where I keep my shoes, and each pair needs to be wrapped in tissue and packed individually in boxes."

Craig, Crow, Jeb and Billy Joe Bob looked like deer caught in the headlights, because the room to which they had been directed was filled with shoes. Shoes were on shelves from floor to ceiling. Shoes where strewn in piles all over the floor. Shoes hung from the chandelier, and shoes poured out of a closet in a glittering river of red, green, gold, brown, black and purple. Sequined shoes, leather shoes, slippers, boots and moccasins, but all with stiletto heels.

Just then there was a commotion outside, and Crow looked through a window to see that the Singing Movers had pulled up with their van. And coming down the street was another group of Foggy Duck patrons, some still wiping fresh cider from their hair. Some the old reporter recognized, others he did not, but he was sure of one thing. All had a part to play in this move ...
Last edited by Crow on 23 Sep 2004, 07:21, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Ruthie » 08 Sep 2004, 22:00

"I'll get started in the kitchen," volunteered Moon Cloud happily, "Selene, care to give me a hand? Carragh? Thanks, girls."
The kitchen was little different than the giant walk-in shoe closet, except it had fewer shoes. Night Hawk tottered out of the kitchen, with a little look of worry.
"Beith, my dear, you wouldn't happen to have any boxes, would you?"

Beith just couldn't hide her confusion, "boxes? no, I throw those out. On the curb. For recycling. I tried to lighten my load as much as possible, and I had all these empty boxes, so I threw them out. On the curb. For recycling. I thought I'd just go with the stuff I used, and I haven't much use for empty boxes."

Several thuds were heard from the shoe-closet, as Craig, Jeb, Crow and Billy Joe Bob hit the floor, in that order. CopperLion as yet unexposed to the shoe-copia, rushed in with his arms full of Guinnesses, and promptly thudded to the floor as well.
Kat Lady came in the second group of friends of the Duck, "Hello Friends," she sang, "I thought we might share a meal! I've brought burgers for everyone!"
several quiet versions of "oh, dear," were heard mumbled in various corners of the room.
"What's the matter? I have veggie burgers, too, you know. Yes, they're made of portabello mushrooms. They're quite delicious!"
Poor Kat Lady was promptly trampled in the groups' vain effort to stop Moon Cloud from eating a Portabello-burger. First, she converted into a haze to confuse everyone, then into a thundercloud to frighten them, then into a fog to blind them, and then into a single raindrop, which fell precisely on the portabello burger.
The room twisted and swirled. The furniture shook. Crow, who had barely revived in the shoe-closet wished he hadn't. Loosh simply fell over, hoping to save some trouble on the other end by falling over now.
Stillp, back on the mountaintop (having previously lost her oint) and directing the newer arrivals to beith's apartment to help with the moving felt the earth give way beneath her feet. Not like a trap or a hole, but in a swirling spinnign whirlpool of soil, rock, and grass.
"That's it!," she shouted, and lost her "p" as well.

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Piastra
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Postby Piastra » 09 Sep 2004, 03:00

9x9

my contirbutions are told in verse
and so, as not to confuse the fray
i do this not to appear perverse
but to challenge the old mattered gray
the feathered wench laid on me a curse
morrigan's call to my numbered play
so if i seem stressed or even terse
consider my plight, i beg you pray
the story may flip or turn converse

as we have seen with the knighted craig
setting vats of cider a'swishing
or eastern norseman one up a leg
on account of his ruined fishing
the plot turns and twists a line to beg
from ev'ryone's own brand of dishing
what started as a mere sloshing keg
now has ev'ry new author wishing
for awesome new story lines to peg

as kinswoman to the swaying birch
beith and i have walked another time
the shoes have boxes, no need to search
her love story with them so sublime
but kitchen help are left in a lurch
fear not gals for this is no real crime
a knowing wink from a crow in perch
fearing work, turned away on a dime
no clue had he, there's only the kirsch

yes, it's true and i'm afraid it's so
our sweet sister, eire's own crowned shoe queen
spends all her money on heel and toe
nay to purchase a pot and a bean
i chide her to no avail i know
so worry not for boxes not seen
here's her whiskey, let's not drink too slow
a toast to the lass and ireland's green
let the guys pack stilletos with bows...
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EVER IN SEARCH OF THE WICKERMAN...

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Crow
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Postby Crow » 09 Sep 2004, 18:34

A clap of thunder from Moon Cloud marked the end of Carragh's poem, and everyone looked up as if awakening from a daydream.

"That was beautiful, Carragh," squeaked Night Hawk. "Do you think someone will set it to music, or if not, perhaps I could perform some ritual drumming while you recite it again."

"I thought you were drumming during my reading, Night Hawk," replied Carragh. "If not, what was that thundering noise I heard?"

Kat Lady, who was busy hiding the remaining portabello hamburgers, said, "I'm not sure WHAT it was, but it's pretty obvious that it was caused by Moon Cloud here, because it happened as soon as she dripped onto a portabello burger and took a bite.

Selene looked sternly at Moon Cloud. "Moonie, you heard what I said earlier about portabello, why weren't you more careful? What were you thinking about when you took a bite?"

Moon Cloud, who had coalesced back into her usual cumulous form, but with a touch of red around what everyone supposed were her cheeks, said, "Well, I was thinking about my friend Stillpoint who we'd left back on the hill, and wishing she was here with us ..."

Just then the door banged open and a wet, muddy and bedraggled Stillpoint staggered in. "Mountain ... mudslide, I don't know where it came from or how I survived, but I'm here."

"Kat Lady," said Selene. "Get rid of those portabello burgers before anything else happens!" Now c'mon girls, while the men pack shoes, let's clean out this kitchen.

Crow led the grumbling males back to the shoe room, while Beith took the women into the kitchen.

"Well," said Beith, "this shouldn't take long." She opened a drawer and pointed inside. All that was there was one plate, one knife, one fork and one spoon.

"Beith!" cried Kat Lady. "Where are the rest of your dishes? Where are your cooking pots and casserole dishes, your utensils and your food?"

"This is all I need," said Beith. "I usually eat a candy bar for breakfast and another one for dinner, or sometimes I'll order a pizza. So you see, I really have no need for any of those cooking things. In fact, I really don't even need what you see here, but I keep them here in case I have company."

Just then Jeb walked into the kitchen with a curious pair of shoes, which were white and fluffy and with hooks where the stiletto heels should be. "What the devil are these, Beith?" he asked.

"Oh those are my sleeping shoes," replied Beith. "You see, when I put them on, I can just hang upside down from the pole in the closet, and that way I don't need a bed and have more room for shoes. And by hanging upside down all night, my stomach sort of goes the other way, and I don't feel hungry, and so I don't need to buy food and I can keep more shoes in my cupboards." She opened another cupboard and another river of shoes spilled out.

"Beith, you have no food and you have very little furniture that I've seen. Do you have anything here other than shoes and a couple of frocks?" asked Night Hawk.

"Oh sure, I have my book room. We haven't been there yet, but of course you all can help me pack everything straightaway," answered Beith, leading the dazed work crew into the one remaining room that no one had entered. There were enough books there to put most city libraries to shame. But after their initial shock, the friends dug in and started to carry out armloads of books to the waiting van.

The men in the other room were making progress also, and finally, with the help of the Singing Movers, the truck was completely loaded with shoes and books. A medium-sized pile of shoes sat on the sidewalk outside; there was simply no room in the truck for another item. Beith burst into tears, "I can't leave these shoes, I need them. I'll have nothing to wear!"

Just then Rancid, who had been chained outside, started growling, and everyone looked down the street to see Lady Moon Chaser riding her namesake horse, Moon, and trotting alongside was her faithful dog, Storm. The horse was pulling a travois.

"Hi everybody," said Lady Moon Chaser as she reined to a stop. But just then the saddle started to slip, and the next thing anyone knew, she was upside down, underneath the horse.

"Forgot to tighten that cinch did ye?" chuckled Billy Joe Bob. "Well let me help you there, little lady. Nobody ever said that somebody from Ohio knows how to ride a horse, heh heh."

Rancid and Storm were growling and bristling at each other and at Kat Lady, but Stillpoint intervened and quieted the curs, while everyone helped Lady Moon Chaser to her feet. "Thanks everybody. We got sucked into the cider and landed outside the city, and we've just now managed to find everyone. Looks like somebody's moving, and this travois appeared on Moon, so I guess I'm here to help.

Beith dried her tears as everyone loaded the remaining shoes onto the travois, and everyone followed the moving van which labored under its heavy load.

They were enroute to the port of Roskoff in Brittany, and who knew what trouble might lie along the way ...
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“You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.” ~ Edward Abbey

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Kat Lady
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Postby Kat Lady » 10 Sep 2004, 04:08

The troup continued on their journey silently, except for Beith who couldn't stop herself from singing, "So long, farewell, aufwederstein, good-by-eye! Adieu, adieu to yu and yu and yu-eu! " to each person they passed as they exited the town.

Dusk was descending on the motley crue, who with a little help from their friends decided to stop for the night at the local Inn of the Sixth Happiness. They parked the van, and tying Moon to its bumper, went in to secure rooms for the night. The were just conversing with the Barkeep when up on the roof, they heard such a clatter, they sprang out the door to see what was the matter. And there it was... the famous, or now infamous portabella mushroom cloud descending upon them!

Selene looked at Moon Cloud and pulling out her laptop said in her best-est, stern-est voice, "Now what did you do!"

"I'm Innocent!" was the reply. "Yea, sure", came the mutters from the men in the peanut gallery. Then all eyes turned to Kat, a lady to the end, who shrugged her shoulders and with a cheshire grin disappeared, her last words echoing in their ears as the cloud of 'shrooms hit them straight on, "I couldn't help it...I was hungry!"

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....." came the reply fron Craig. "Not again!!!"

Thru the tunnel of 'shrooms, through the vat of cider, through a mirror of glass, to the isle of the Britons they traveled again, sticky, wet and vowing to get that darn Kat. With a loud Ker-Plunk, they landed spewing out pieces of cider and 'shrooms at the feet of none other than Dr. Phil.

"Greetings and Welcome." he said to the sheepish crowd, who now stared at him in wonderment and awe...as to his attire. For there he stood, mad as a hatter, his phil-ip phil-ops tattered and torn from journeys far and wide. He handed them a 'shroom and said "Eat this and you'll grow big." And placing a finger aside of his nose and giving a nod to other places he goes.

Night Hawk, amazed at meeting the man, drummed on her drum to beat the band. Beith, who couldn't help it (poor dear), started running around in circles singing "I'm late. I'm late for a very important date...No time to say hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late, I'M LATE!" And Carragh, wonderful Carragh, found herself reciting tweedle dee and tweedledum.

MoonCloud, now in thunderhead form, furious with that Kat for leaving them stuck through the looking glass began looking for the felonious feline, threatening to remove all but one of her 9 lives if she did not return and undo this madness.

And Jeb, Craig, Crow, and the others found themselves at the end of the Still-point who was shouting, "Off with their heads!"

And there were these two eyes and a tail peeking through the chaos. A devilish grin, a giggle and then a voice could be heard, "Beam me up Scotty..."
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.--Mark Twain

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Ruthie
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Postby Ruthie » 10 Sep 2004, 16:52

"What the hell kind of wish was that?" barked Lady Moon Chaser, busy keeping Storm from shredding the Chris' Three of Clubs outfit.
Loosh, afraid of even more falling over, refused to get up, but remained on the ground, still dutifully clutching Beith's favorite red-sequined, 3/4 heel, steel-toe, shoe-shopping shoes. They were her oldest pair. Beith had worn them on her very first shopping trip, and added one red sequin for each new pair of shoes she had purchased. Although originally pumps, they had developed into a red-sequined environmental suit, complete with red-sequined oxygen tank.
"I remember when those were only thigh-highs," Beith sighed, nostalgiacally.
Moon Cloud and Selene sat on a table in the corner, cleverly disguised by each wearing one of the "eat me" and "drink me" signs they found nearby.
"Someone has to keep a level head in all this," Selene whispered to Moon Cloud, as they tapped nervously on Selene's laptop. "First we must reconstruct exactly what happened."
"OK," agreed Moon Cloud from inside her bottle. "First, Beith ate, and we had the spinning nun and the singing movers. Then I ate, and Stillpoint was whisked to Beith's door. Then Kat ate, and we landed here, wherever here is. I have a familiar feeling about all this, like I've seen it before."
As Moon Cloud paused, the pair noticed a great silence in the room. Beith stood before them, wearing Mary-Janes.
"Get me out of these shoes!" she demanded. "They are positively dreadful, and not at all appropriate for the tea-party. And do it quick! I'm LATE."
The petrifying silence was quickly broken as Stillpoint rushed past shouting "Off with their heads," and the crowd once again dispersed.
Crow flew over with Night Hawk, offering assistance, "You two are making a plan to get us out," Night Hawk squeaked.
"And we'd like to help," added Crow, "any way we can."
Carragh-dee and Carragh-dum joined up arm-in arm to help the now-forming cabal in their efforts to restore some reality to reality. Twins they were, yes, but they were easily told apart. Carragh-dee had a bit of seaweed in her teeth; while Carragh-dum wore a dark chocolate upper-lip. Carragh-dee explained, "We would like to be,"
"ourself again," Carragh-dum finished.
Night Hawk made an important observation, "we seem to remember ourselves better as time passes between bites." Selene tapped that into her laptop as well.
As the hours passed, the entire compliment from the 'Duck was arranged by the table, busily offering bits of information into the laptop. Jeb was designated as Keeper of the Mushroom, and a Great Plan was being formed to undo this mishap.
Jeb's turn came to enter his input onto the laptop. He carefully perched the Mushroom on top of the screen, and as he typed in his experiences, the mushroom wobbled, fell onto the CD-ROM drive tray, and disappeared into the computer.
"Oh, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," said Craig.


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