Pub Crawl: The Search for Balance

Herein are contained classic stories and other timeless threads penned by patrons of the Druid's Head Pub. To suggest additions, please contact the Moderator.
User avatar
OBOD Druid
Posts: 8780
Joined: 02 Feb 2003, 23:56
Gender: Male
Location: By candle light, penning the dragon's dream.

Postby Merlyn » 10 Feb 2005, 03:47

Lady Nimue reached down and grabbed Merlyn's arm, pulling him out of the alligator pit.

"Merlyn! What? How? " Merlyn smacked an allagator with his staff and pulled his Dryad out just before the jaws of another grabbed him.

"Well, seems the old staff 500 got more of an up-grade at the wand shop then I had expected!"

"How so Merlyn? did it land you here?"

"When I cast a circle for the balance spell, seemed I caused a paradox! and that's not the half of it!"

"A paradox?"

"Well I looked up the program update and it seems that the new program uses 'Balanse 2.0' instead of Balance 2.2! and that threw the spell into a continuous spiral. When the alligator shoes were put into the shoe-balancing machine, with its load of faux alligator hide shoes, it caused the spell to bring me here, to your alligator pit!"

"really?" Lady Nimue looked very surprised but noted Merlyn starting for the door.

Beith and Selene saw the direction Merlyn was headed and noticed poor Crow impaled by the stick in the bougainvillea pot! They pulled him off the stick and asked moon cloud to come over and help wash out the wound.

"How is he?" Merlyn asked

Alferian looked carefully at the wound "He is in critical condition, we need to fix it here and now or he won't make it!"

Azrienoch pulled out a crane bag and began to offer some help, but Alferian had already pulled out his wand,

"Haluja! Dibberkazam!"

A great white light screamed from the sky, clouds of smoke aroze from the ground. They all stood and watched.......but nothing happened!

"Oh drat! right spell, wrong wand!"

Azrienoch quickly pulled out a different wand and handed it to Alferian,
Crow began to cough.

"Haluja Dibberkazam!"

Just then....
Image :emerit:
Dyro, Dduw, dy nawdd;
ac yn nawdd, nerth;
ac yn nerth, ddeall;
ac yn neall, gwybod;
ac o wybod, gwybod yn gyfiawn;
ac o wybod yn gyfiawn ei garu;
ac o garu, caru Duw.
Duw a phob daioni.

User avatar
Laurelin Tauregwaithalion
Posts: 907
Joined: 22 Apr 2003, 22:32
Gender: Female
Location: Doesn't matter so long as I have my fuzzy cat, a book, music to dance to, and a flute to play.

Postby Laurelin Tauregwaithalion » 10 Feb 2005, 15:51

...white steam started to rise from Crow's wound. He writhed uncomfortably as the spell took effect. His green reporters, worried about their mentor, began to clutch at their notepads nervously. Was this really the right spell... or wand, for that matter? It didn't look like any healing spell they'd ever seen. They began glancing nervously from Crow to Alferian, and back to Crow again. Alferian didn't seem shaken. He just stood in wait.

The spell seemed to be healing, to be sure, but something was slightly amiss. The wound was closing, but the dammaged area was slightly discolored. It seems that an oleander leaf had stuck in the skin and was now imbedded in Crow's chest between layers of dermis! His prodigies were so thrilled to see him alive that they all rushed towards him before anyone could do something about the oleander leaf. Strangely, Crow felt the distinct sensation that he should be pointing his chest towards the sun and drinking water through his toes! My, but that little pond over there looked appetizing.

Crow squirmed free of his overzealous reporter-lings and started to stand up and stagger to the pond in a sort of backbend position (chest up). Just before he reached it, a nearby tree uprooted itself, stepped between Crow and the pond, and firmly planted roots to obstruct his path. There was a very loud crashing noise as Crow, who could not possibly have seen what lie ahead (or behind), collided with the tree. Concussed, he mumbled, "this wood be a grand time for a rest... mmm... yes it wood." Then he patted the tree bark and started to doze.

His fledgeling reporters, stunned, began to look to Lady Nimue for advice. Then, Mooncloud asked, "did he say wood, or would?" Lady Nimue jogged to Crow as quickly as she could and started propping him up. "You can't fall asleep, dearie, I fear you've got a nasty concussion. Everyone knows we've got to wake you up every two hours or so to make sure nothing's been permanently dammaged. Also, it wouldn't hurt to get a CAT scan." With a whistle, a large tabby cat climbed down from the tree, looked Crow up and down, looked back at Lady Nimue and said, "Mew." Then went back about his business.

Meanwhile, Alferian stood nearby, rubbing his beard in deep reflection. "I don't understand," he said to himself, "that spell should have taken care of things! Ordinarily, that leaf would have been ejected. This has to be about the strangest day I have ever experienced! Spells are going awry, balance is imbalanced, and Crow has taken quite a beating! What shall befall us next? Flying cows?"

Just then, he saw something flying in the distance... a large, four-legged beast. This was no pegasus. He searched for his looking glass. What he saw through it puzzled him greatly. It was a magnificent lion with dragon wings, a dragon tail, and (of all things) a Unicorn's horn. "A strange day, indeed."

As it approached, more of the party began to notice a breeze. They turned to look as he touched down with four padded feet. The creature spoke, "I am Arnathalion. Guardian of the Tauregwaithalion tribe. I am beckoned here to deliver a kinswoman to you." A woman then slid off his back and landed a little unsteadily on the ground nearby.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Laurelin Linrilwen Tauregwaithalion. I am told there is a mystery afoot. Some murder, and a catywompus pub? Somehow, my cards told me I should come here. There must be something for me to do to help." Then, she pulled the top card off her oracle deck and showed it to the others.

"Huh," said Lady Nimue in puzzlement, "it really does say, 'Arnathalion awaits to deliver you to Lady Nimue's estate; move swiftly.' Damned if that isn't the strangest deck of cards I've ever seen!"

"I always keep one blank one in there, just in case," explained Laurelin, "sometimes, you'd be surprised at what the unknown knows."
"It's a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is." --Schmendrick The Magician

Image :treehug1:

User avatar
Earth Wizard
Posts: 32
Joined: 04 Jan 2005, 02:02
Gender: Male
Location: Dancing with the Dragons

Postby Earth Wizard » 10 Feb 2005, 16:18

Merlyn looked uneasy,
Moon cloud hovered over Crow. "Don't want crow to plant himself now do we?" "No Merlyn, that wood be a real problem for our reporter, he could not get around"

Laurelin Tauregwaithalion, put her hand on the wound, and drew another card from her deck "Ah ha! as I had felt, this is a result of the great paradox! , nearly knocked me off my dragon on the way over here! "

She drew another card.. Crow bagan to awake and Lady nimue sensed her new shoes trying to move her towards the Alligator pit!
Surely our wizards needed guidence for their next spell. Laurelin Tauregwaithalion began to cast her cards about..

Greetings from the Dragon's Lair
The Circle of The Four Dragons

Image Image ImageImage

User avatar
Posts: 2307
Joined: 08 Sep 2003, 01:39
Gender: Male
Location: Bard's Hill off the coast of the Atlantic

Postby EarthWard » 10 Feb 2005, 17:14

Mean while in the pond Beith struggled to retrieve all of her shoes. She had four pairs in her hands and two on her feet and was still able to keep her head above water; however her energy was failing and she soon began to sink.
"Help!" coughed Beith
Everyone else was too busy with Crow to notice her. All she had to do was drop the shoes to save her life but she just could not do it.
Then from out of the sky it came
"Look!" said Kat Lady "Is it a bird?"
"No. Its a plane" said Lady Moon Chaser
"No its....Donagh MacBran!!!"
In a flash the jiembe playing superhero armed with an array of weapons and gadgets swept down into the pond.
"I'll save you Beith!" He roared.
"No the shoes! Save the shoes!" Beith pleaded
Donagh MacBran swept around the pond and gathered up a good thirty pairs of shoes before lifting Beith out of the water safely onto land.
"Oh you are my hero" Beith swooned.
Donagh stood knee deep in the water smiling from ear to ear when something crept up behind him.
In a flash a humongous alligator ripped Donagh down and pulled him under water. Thrashing and splashing was all that could be seen. Then a light began to glow under the water.


Out from the water the alligator was blasted with one of Donagh's powerful ray guns. The hero emerged from the water dripping wet. Throwing back his hair he says in his best hero-after-kill-bad-guy voice. "Well, that took the balance out of him."
Ha Ha Ha everyone began to laugh except for EarthWard who was secretly cheering for the alligator as he always did.
But the celebration was cut short as the stretching sound of growing branches filled the air.
The crew looked and saw...

User avatar
Laurelin Tauregwaithalion
Posts: 907
Joined: 22 Apr 2003, 22:32
Gender: Female
Location: Doesn't matter so long as I have my fuzzy cat, a book, music to dance to, and a flute to play.

Postby Laurelin Tauregwaithalion » 10 Feb 2005, 18:25

... the giant tree that had uprooted itself to keep Crow out of the alligator pond was growing at an alarming rate! The tree, it would seem, in absence of all balance, absorbed the dissipated energy of the departed alligator.

"Umm..." stammered Lady Nimue, pointing at the tree, "that's not normal is it? I mean, it shouldn't be growing like that, should it?"

"No. It most certainly should not." Merlyn said sternly. "Why, my new staff has set the whole world on its ear!!"

Meanwhile, Laurelin, reserving all her attention towards her oracle cards, finished her spread. "Well, that's not very helpful. All they're saying is that the balance must be restored! Thanks a ton! It didn't take a seer to tell me that!"

"Now, let's not yell at our oracles. Maybe we're missing something." Then Merlyn walked towards the cards. Alferian noticed the two in conversation and got a strange urge to help. The three sat and pondered the meaning of the cards while the giant tree grew.

"I've got it," cried Laurelin. Standing up, she looked to the tree, placed one hand on the bark, and one hand on the ground. "The alligator's energy is only soaking into the tree. The earth isn't getting a bit of it! We've got to compensate somehow. Alferian, Merlyn, can you two cast a quick spell?"

"Do you think that's wise?" Alferian asked. "Last time, the healing didn't go so well."

"I don't want you to heal it. I want you to use the wrong spell for the wrong wand and cast it at the earth. We're functioning in a paradox here. You have to do the opposite of what you want in order to fix a bad situation!"

Just then, she walked over to crow. Placing her hand on his chest, she tried to press the oliander leaf deeper into his skin. Suddenly, it popped out. "See? Try it Alferian, it's our only chance to keep this tree from overtaking the house."

With Merlyn at his side, Alferian gathered his courage, pointed a wand, and hoped for the best.
"It's a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is." --Schmendrick The Magician

Image :treehug1:

User avatar
OBOD Druid
Posts: 4662
Joined: 10 Feb 2004, 17:04
Gender: Male
Location: East Coast, U.S.A.

Postby Crow » 10 Feb 2005, 19:32

With the poisonous oleander leaf removed, Crow began to feel a little better, though he wished he were feeling better someplace other than here.

He saw that his new reporters were now thoroughly distracted from their assignment, which was clear evidence of just how green they really were. After all, how could you let little things like a fast-growing tree, flying lions, and several people and a turtle splashing down into an alligator pit pull you away from the business at hand?

Crow started marching toward Kat Lady, who instead of doing her job was now playing with Lady Nimue’s tabby. But the sound of crunching gravel behind him caused the old reporter to turn on his heel, and he saw a three-wheeled vehicle coming up the driveway.

The vehicle, which seemed a cross between a motorcycle and a car, pulled to a stop, and Crow was proud to see that at least one of his rookies was still on the job, as LadyMoonChaser stepped forward and took a picture. Finally the door opened and a man wearing khaki-colored safari gear stepped out.

“My name is Frank, and I'm from the Balance Patrol," the man said. "We’ve received a report that there’s been a Category VII Balancing Emergency. The epicenter is somewhere around here, and I’m going to get to the bottom of this!”

Just then the two-way radio crackled from inside Frank’s vehicle:

“Calling all cars. Calling all cars … Code 3 at the park! We have reports coming in of several pigeons beating up a red-tailed hawk!”

Frank jumped back in his vehicle and sped away, while Crow and everyone else chased along behind.


User avatar
Donagh MacBran
OBOD Druid
Posts: 335
Joined: 31 Mar 2004, 21:36
Gender: Male
Location: Amsersham, Buckinghamshire

Postby Donagh MacBran » 10 Feb 2005, 22:08

A soaked Donagh strode towards Alferian and gave him a staff. He then whispered something into his ear and a few minutes later, Alferian started casting. For a moment it was still, then with a click a ghust of smoke erupted in midair just above the giant tree. "Hit the deck" Donagh warned in the nick of time. They all hit the soil (Beith (being afraid) clung herself to Donagh) and there was a bright glare. The tree made a grunting sound like someone who just woke up after a very long deep sleep. "Thank you for waking me" said the tree in a easing and greatfull voice.
Happy Druiding :),

Donagh MacBran

Druid Donagh

User avatar
Posts: 398
Joined: 20 Feb 2003, 17:37
Gender: Male
Location: Ohio USA

Postby Ruadh » 10 Feb 2005, 23:31

With her back against a tree, Ruadh fought off an army of enraged pidgeons, but it was obvious she was losing the battle. Her bi-focals lay shattered at her feet amidst a cloud of rusty brown feathers. One wing hung limp at her side, bruised and broken.

“How embarrassing!” Ruadh muttered as she summoned the strength to drive back yet another charge. “I should have listened to the gals at the old hawk’s home….but nooo! I had to prove that I still had what it took to live free and in Balance with Nature!”

Just then, Ruadh heard the wailing of a siren approaching the park. “Oh great!” sighed Ruadh. “Now there’ll be an audience for my humiliating demise!”

Ruadh doubled her efforts to fight off the crazed pidgeons and managed to break through the horde. Racing and hopping as fast as her battered body could manage, she leaped in front of the three wheeled vehicle just as it skidded to a halt. All her energy spent, Ruadh collapsed in a dead faint……….

User avatar
Posts: 2307
Joined: 08 Sep 2003, 01:39
Gender: Male
Location: Bard's Hill off the coast of the Atlantic

Postby EarthWard » 12 Feb 2005, 16:41

Seeing that two days without a story line was two too many, EarthWard, the incredible non edible Earth Warden pulls around in his car to pick up the reporter gang and speed them to the park.


"Let's go gang! No time to lose."
Everyone piled in leaving the rest to deal with the now talking tree.
"Fasten you seat belts, Mates. We're hittin' the road."
EarthWard takes off but it was not as fast as a take off as the crew expected.
"Can't this car go a little faster?" said Crow
"Its got to warm up. Its electric ya' know?"
"Good for the environment. I'm trying to help restore some kind of balance with all this fossil fuel we use for everything."
"Well that's very good. Look the Balance mobile got on the freeway!"
"Here we go"
With a spurt the little electric car that could cruised onto the freeway. Big trucks, little trucks, big cars, little cars all passed the electric car causing it to shake with every pass.
"Oh lord I do not fell safe." said Crow
"What do you feel safer with a stick through your chest?! Relax we're fine." EarthWard said.
"There's the sign for the park." Lady Moon Chaser pointed to it.
"No problema. Let me just swap lanes."
"No!" every screamed in unison
Just then a huge semi passed shacking the little car like crazy.
"Slow down!!!" EarthWard screamed to the wind
He then was able to get over and off the exit for the park. When all had arrived Crow jumped out and kissed the ground. "Oh thank you. Thank you thank you thank you."
"Oh come on now it was not so bad." EarthWard said
Kat Lady chimed in "You know I really wanted one of those electric cars but now that I have ridden in one I'm going to have to stick with gas."
"What about the environment and restore balance?" EarthWard protested
"Gas" Lady Moon Chaser said
"Gas" Crow agreed
Everyone nodded their heads
"Fine but I'm sticking with my electric car."
"Good that why I won't feel so bad when I'm pumping gas. Now lets go we got a story to do!"
They ran into the park just in time to see...

User avatar
Kat Lady
OBOD Druid
Posts: 6822
Joined: 07 Jul 2004, 02:00
Gender: Female

Postby Kat Lady » 12 Feb 2005, 22:56

...Billy Joe Bob riding a giant pigeon shouting "Ya hoooooo!" at the top of his lungs. Everyone stared at the sight. Crow, rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Where was the balance in this? Where was the harmony? Where was Lady Moon Chaser with her camera? Where's the shake-n-bake? Was there no justice in the world?
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.--Mark Twain


User avatar
Billy Joe Bob
Posts: 56
Joined: 24 Sep 2004, 20:51
Gender: Male
Location: Texas

Postby Billy Joe Bob » 13 Feb 2005, 01:11

From his perch on the back of the giant pigeon Billy Joe Bob looked down on the park below. He’d been cruising along on an eastbound course from his home in Texas with plans to visit Disney World when suddenly the pigeon had other ideas, and for anyone who’s had occasion to ride a giant pigeon, you know what a handful they can be. And so instead of landing at Orlando, the pigeon had redoubled his speed and continued on for Miami, with Billy Joe Bob cursing and pulling at the reins the whole way.

With most of the people on the ground intent on pulling the enraged flock of smaller pigeons away from the wounded hawk, no one but Crow saw death approaching from the sky. “G-g-g-g-g-iant P-p-p-p-igeon!” he cried, but Frank just called over his shoulder, “No, they all seem normal size to me, but I’ve never seen pigeons behave in this way, although I have read ancient reports written on papyrus and archived at Ohio State University that seem to indicate …”

Frank’s story was interrupted when the giant pigeon, still bearing Billy Joe Bob on its back, touched down with a thud onto the sidewalk, a spurt of smoke erupting from its feet as they made contact with the pavement.

Looking up, everyone screamed, but it was too late, as the careening pigeon, which had misjudged the speed of his descent, barreled into them, sending all people and creatures sprawling. Finally, out of the wreck, emerged Billy Joe Bob.

“Well I swear, I ain’t had a ride like that since I drew Old Number Seven in the bull ridin’ on Day 3 of the 1983 Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Hooboy, what a ride. Get up, everbody, I don’t see no blood, unless yer countin’ that old hawk over there. Man, somebody sure opened up a can o’ whuppass on that poor sonofagun!”

Just then the smaller pigeons started getting back to their feet and were moving in to attack the hawk again, but the giant pigeon just cooed once, loudly. The smaller birds answered and called off their attack, though everyone thought they still had a malevolent look in their beady eyes.

Columba inornata giganta,” said Frank to no one in particular while gazing in wonder at the giant bird.

“Naw, it ain’t nuthin’ but a huge damned pigeon,” said Billy Joe Bob.

“I heard everything was bigger in Texas,” said LadyMoonChaser, gazing at Billy Joe Bob with new interest.

“He needs some kind of shoes so his feet won’t get hurt when he lands,” said Beith, still dripping wet from the alligator pit. “But then maybe the shoes would be hurt, so I’m not sure what would be best. I’m so confused.”

“What’s the story here, Billy Joe Bob?” asked Selene, similarly in disarray after her wet arrival in Florida. “I’m a Native Texan, and I have to say I don’t recall seeing any birds like that when I lived there.”

“Well, yer plum right about that Selene, though I’ll point out that when ye moved outa Texas, ye fergot how to talk, too, so that just goes to show that yer memory ain’t as good as some folks think it is. But like I said, yer right that this here is the first giant pigeon I ever seen, too, but he is Texan, through and through. What happened was that I bought me a little ranch just a few miles downwind from the Comanche Peak nuclear reactor, and one day this sonofagun flew over me when I was out ridin’ fence. It total spooked my horse, and I’m ashamed to say that he throwed me, and when this pigeon landed, I figgered I was a goner. But the thing is, his brain is as big as his body, and when I started sweet talkin’ him, he total understood me and took a likin’ to me, as most people and critters does. Well I took him back to the ranch and I saddle broke him, which wasn’t no hard work for me, and we been flyin’ around for a couple weeks now, though this is the first trip I’ve taken out of state. We was goin to Disney World on account o’ I ain’t never seen that place, but just about the time I caught a sight of that Mickey Mouse feller, this old boy took off like his tail was on fire, and next thing I knowed, we was over the park and comin’ in for a landin’. Now maybe somebody here can tell me what in tarnation is goin’ on.”

Crow started to tell the story, but since he was still feeling a little weak after his encounter with the bougainvillea stake, he sat down and rested while Laurelin took up the story.

When she’d finished, Billy Joe Bob was incredulous. “Are you serious that you got yerself a flyin’ lion? Well shucks, if we get him together with this sonofagun here,” he said, indicating the giant pigeon, “We’ll have us a regular Pagan Air Force, I reckon.”

Meanwhile, Lady Nimue had run over to the injured hawk and was checking on its injuries. “Oh, the poor thing is covered with blood,” she said.

Frank walked over and looked over her shoulder. “But you can clearly see that some of this blood is old. That blood on its talons, for instance, is at least a day old. I wonder what this came from?” He took out his penknife, and since the hawk was too weak to resist, scraped some of the dried blood from its talons and into a test tube that he produced from a pocket in his vest. He then turned to Lady Nimue. “Where did you bury the pigeon that I heard you talking about before, the one for which you were an accessory to murder?”

“No, I don’t. … What did you say? Accessory to murder? No, you have it wrong, just like those others, I didn’t do anything to my pigeon. I loved my pigeon, I would never want to see it harmed. And as for burial, there was nothing to bury. There was nothing there but a few feathers, which I made into this brooch to remember him by.”

“That will do nicely,” said Frank. “Give me one feather, and I can do a DNA test.

Lady Nimue gave Frank a feather, and the scientist retreated to his vehicle, where he quickly conducted the test while everyone waited. Soon he was coming back.

“It is as I thought. This hawk is the very one that killed Lady Nimue’s pigeon. The DNA from the blood taken off his talons matches that taken from the feather.”

Lady Nimue, who was cradling the injured hawk, burst into tears, but soon raised her tear-stained face and said, “It matters not. This poor, injured creature shall have shelter in my home, until she is again able to fly.”

Everyone looked happy with that decision, except perhaps for the pigeons, but their giant brother kept them in check, though no one was sure of his motives.

“I still don’t trust her,” said Kat Lady. “But you have to admit one thing, sheltering the very hawk that killed her pigeon does have a nice sense of balance.”

Suddenly everyone heard a scream from back in the direction from which they’d come. “Hey, come on everybody,” said EarthWard. “That sounded like Donagh MacBran!”

Crow got back to his feet. No crowded electric cars for him this time; he hoped to hitch a ride with Frank.

User avatar
Posts: 2440
Joined: 05 Sep 2003, 00:26
Gender: Male
Location: Eastermost land in North America

Postby Wolfwalker » 13 Feb 2005, 22:23

As they started towards the cars and three-wheeled whatever-it-is that Frank drives, in response to Donagh's scream, they heard a low moaning sound building in the skies to the southwards.

"Tornado!" yelped EW, drawn back suddenly to memories of his southern US home..

"Incoming!" yelped Crow, shuddering with the memories of when he'd tried living in what had turned out to be a military test facility...

MoonCloud suddenly burst into a shower of skittles, sparklies, jellybeans and pop rocks as the sound increased to a roar and the ground itself began to vibrate...

"Fascinating!..." said Frank to nobody in particular...

"Holy Jumpin' Jehosaphat!" yelled Billy Joe Bob.... "that's bigger 'n a Texas twister!" and the sky became an unearthly brownish-green swirl above them all, sucking them up into a counter-clockwise vortex while Merlyn, Alferian and Az frantically waved wands and staffs both clockwise and counter-clockwise frantically chanting every spell they could think of, as they were swept upwards and off over the land in a southward direction that seemed to go on forever. Several of them were rather ill as the enormous funnel sucked them over the sea, still headed southward, the roaring in their ears deafening...

As they spun further south, they were only vaguely aware the direction of the vortex reversed itself so they spun in the opposing direction. Crow had both wings clamped firmly over his beak and there was a distinct greenish tinge to his black feathers. Kat was huddled into a ball whimprering "I don't want to be a reporter, I really don't want to be a reporter" to herself as Moon Cloud was finding herself pulled into long wispy strands, with flying skittles showering out from the churning whirlwind every few minutes as another spasm of motion illness hit her.
Almost as they were ready to give up hope in despsair, the cloud soared in over land and dissolved, tumbling them down into a backyard among piles of windblown autumn leaves, right at the feet of a hefty bearded man who looked familiar to most of them.

"Ummm... " mumbled Crow, as his vision cleared.."Spring Arrives?... no Summer Blooms?... No that's not it either! Falling Leaves????" he asked with a faintly hiccoughing sort of croak...

"Yes!" the man beamed, "I've seen some of you lot before! You're... OBODies!!! What're you lot doing in the Southern hemisphere?"
Love people and use things, NOT use people and love things...

User avatar
Posts: 13
Joined: 26 Dec 2004, 17:46
Gender: Male
Location: The World

Postby Pooka » 14 Feb 2005, 04:31

Meanwhile back at Lady Nimue’s Florida Plantation and Animal Rescue Park, Donagh McBrann was in the crucible of mixed emotions.

As a sort of druidic superhero, he was ashamed of himself for screaming for help, but what else could he do? For the past 10 minutes he’d fought with the giant mangrove tree that had come stalking out of the woods near Lady Nimue’s armadillo rehabilitation pen.

The mangrove had grasped Donagh firmly around the waist with one branch, and was administering a paddling to his behind with another branch, which whistled and cracked with each blow, and to make matters worse, the tree was cackling with laughter, clearly enjoying itself, with no sign of stopping.

Donagh hated the idea of the others seeing him like this, but the harder he fought, the tighter the mangrove’s grip became, and he had foolishly become separated from his weapons when he had dropped them on the lawn in order to save Beith and her shoes from the alligator pit.

But then his embarrassment turned to real fear as he looked up and saw a tornado bearing an electric car and a three-wheeled motorcycle, and inside both vehicles were his would-be rescuers, sailing, sailing, sailing far away to the south.

And the worst thing of all was that when he looked up, for just a moment, his eyes and Beith’s blue eyes had locked, and he knew that he could not save her. Donagh was humiliated that Beith had seen him like this, with his skyward-pointing fanny receiving yet another stroke from the maniacal mangrove. The only thing he could be thankful for was that the tree hadn’t yanked down his trousers first.

Donagh wept. He wept for the endangered Beith and his inability to save her. He wept for the pain from the paddling, and he wept from the pure frustration and humiliation of what was happening to him. Why was the mangrove doing this to him? Finally, he called out his question aloud, “Why are you doing this?” he screamed.

The mangrove answered, and with each word came another whistling blow on Donagh’s behind: “LET … THIS … TEACH … YOU … TO … NEVER … EVER … HAVE … MANGROVE … INLAYS … ON … THE … HILT … OF … YOUR … SWORD!!!”

And after one final blow for added emphasis, the tree threw Donagh into Lady Nimue’s now-empty pigeon coop, gathered up all his weapons, and left in the same direction from which it had come.

Donagh was alone and in pain, and he had no weapons. He looked around and saw a huge hairball that Kat Lady had yarked up after she’d been pulled from the alligator pit, and he now picked up the disgusting wet mass and shoved it down the inside back of his pants, where it slid home with a sizzle against his hot, tortured flesh.

“Ahhhh,” Donagh sighed. “That feels sooo good. And now, I’ve got to track that twister. Beith and the others must be saved! But how? How can I travel?”

Just then he saw movement near Lady Nimue’s possum pen. He whined in fear, thinking that the murderous mangrove was coming back, but then he again sighed with relief, because from out of the woods trotted a pooka, and running alongside was a rhinoceros – not just any rhinoceros, but Mandahr – and balancing on the tip of his horn was the second half of the reporting team, Branbeith.

Smiling, Donagh McBrann knew that his travel problems were over.

User avatar
Underground River
Posts: 1055
Joined: 05 Jun 2004, 19:22
Gender: Male
Location: Canada

Postby Underground River » 14 Feb 2005, 04:52

GreenDruid was dreaming, she knew she was, but she couldn't stop the dream. It was summer solstice 2005 and she was at Stone Henge. She didn't want to be there, she was afraid of the place. She trembled as she walked, unable to stop moving, unable to turn and flee. She could see merky shapes looming out of the pre-dawn darkness at her and she knew they were the great stones. "Don't let me touch them," she pleaded to the cool air. "They're too sacred. If I touch one I'll go mad!"
She moved closer and closer, and then she stood in the centre of the great circle. "I don't want to be here," she thought wildly. "I'm too afraid of this place. What will happen to me?!" The stones seemed to whisper to her and she trembled with mortal fear. She couldn't understand the words, but they sounded sinister. She felt a strange attraction then, curiosity and fear welled up inside her simultaneously and she screamed "No!" as she realized what was about to happen. She heard a drum begin to beat but couldn't tell where it came from. She felt her heart pounding out its terrified rhythm and she felt herself moving closer and closer to a stone. She could hear people singing, chanting but all seemed to be in Gaelic. She was too afraid to speak and ask what they were saying but she desperately wanted to know. The words were important. What were they saying? Just as she reached the stone her eyes were dazzled by a blinding flash of sunlight. She cried out in superstitious dread as her hands touched cold hard stone...

Then she was falling, mercifully away from the terror of what had just happened. She was falling through space and time, away from the place she feared so irrationally. She landed with a very real thud right in front of FallingLeaves.

This is a great story EarthWard thanks for starting it. Wish I had read this sooner. :)
I love you...
Je t'aime...
Ik hou van jou...

User avatar
Posts: 2440
Joined: 05 Sep 2003, 00:26
Gender: Male
Location: Eastermost land in North America

Postby Wolfwalker » 14 Feb 2005, 16:04

As Donagh was explaining to Mandahr and the pooka, the sky rumbled once more and darkened above his head. Trembling, Donagh looked up in time to see a huge greenish dragon, wolf straddling the neck, settling toward him, wings spread wide. As the downdraft from the dragon knocked him spinning to the ground, wolf hopped off and called cheerfully... "what's this about Frank getting sucked into some cloud or other? Bloody git hasn't got a license to fly that van yet!" Looking Donagh over, he asked, "and where's all your magic 007 stuff?"
Donagh explained about the tree and wolf was off lie a shot with Mandahar right behind and returned a few moments later with Donagh's things. "Right, up you and the Pooka go! Mandahr, 'fraid you're going to have to ride underneath in the sling iof you're coming... you'll put Chessie off balance with all that weight on the top otherwise. The rhino allowed himself the indignity of being strapped to the underside of a dragon as they lifted off heading south, Chessie and Wolf both sniffing the air, folowing the scent of their missing friends.
All through the night they flew on until as day broke over the Pacific, Chesie suddenly began to bank and speed towards a distant land-mass as fast as her wings could carry them while the others hung on for dear life and Mandahr swung precariously from the net!
Last edited by Wolfwalker on 15 Feb 2005, 01:23, edited 1 time in total.
Love people and use things, NOT use people and love things...

User avatar
Posts: 373
Joined: 23 Sep 2004, 17:03
Gender: Female
Location: north woods of wisconsin usa

Postby greymore » 14 Feb 2005, 21:49

Greymore sat thinking about the shoes. He couldn't stop thinking about them. 14" heels, yes, they had to be. They were really boots. Hiking boots. There was something about the tortiseshell trim that reminded him
of his cousin Toshie. Boy, he hadn't heard a word from her in years.
Pink wasn't really his color. Maybe she would have them in green.
Yes, he would ask for green.

E-Gads, He had been riding on the back of his friend Emmrys for a very long time. They had been all over the world twice at least ever since Emmrys had hired on at the Pagan Press. That's when he first saw the shoes.
They had been assigned to do a story on a new shoe store just opening somewhere in the Foggy Downs. But, just now they were no where near the Downs. They were in some bogg or swamp and there was a ruckus up ahead.

Emmrys was in hot persuit of a story. The reporting bug had bit him bad and Greymore was now concerned that travelling in the direction of a ruckus while everyone else was running away, was at the very least unwise.

Then he noticed the shoes. Really great shoes, floating out from the center of the comotion. Yes, and there in the center of the frey was
the red headed shoe lady from the shop in the Downs surrounded by brilliant pairs of shoes. Styles that Greymore could only dream to see. A smorgasbord of footwear floating toward him.

"Oh", he gasped, "I hope she has them in EEE short."

:guinness: :guinness: :guinness:

User avatar
Posts: 3514
Joined: 03 Feb 2003, 18:28
Gender: Male
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow

Postby Beith » 14 Feb 2005, 22:40

Beith wailed as her summer collection became sodden and sank in the pit. Only moments before, Donagh McBran had been wielding his heroic way with the water, the alligators, the stack of sizes 36-42 he'd managed to pull from the swamp-like grip of the reeds in the lake; only to be carried off by what seemed to be a large mangrove tree in a bad mood. Beith had quickly sized up its roots for a fitting but thought the better of it. Besides, she didn't carry wide berths..

Splashing angrily, she managed to retrieve a drifting set of scarlet velvet court shoes and a mud covered slingback. She sighed as she peeled the pondweed from a diamante slipper, then blinked in disbelief as pond turtle flapped by in a pair of her avant-garde silver flippers. She could've sworn she saw a pike cruise by in a satin mule. Beith was not concerned about the alligators. They were too busy trying on the snakeskin flip flops scattered at the sides of their pit.

"It's no use!" she cried skywards, a forlorn figure dripping red hair dye into the muddy waters of the pool. "Who in Gods name - any God- keeps an alligator pit in their back yard?!" she muttered angrily. "My stilettos are stuck deep stuck in the mud and I can't get out! Any minute now I'm going to fall. I can't keep my BALANCE!". Beith's voice rose to a piercing shriek. "Ye Gods help me! send me a sign of salvation!"

She ducked just in time as a what seemed to be a dragon, carrying a rhino, being ridden by a wolf; crashed into a large airborne turtle and rear-ended a wild woman on the back of a winged lion - sending all tumbling into the lake with a giant SPLASH! and shooting 40 pairs of faux-fur dancing shoes rocketing skywards in a jet of displaced lake-water.

Beith spluttered to the surface avoiding the claws, paws and dragon wings flapping and thrashing in her midst. A cacophany of shrieks and howls and growls broked out around her. Beith contemplated submerging again to get some peace, but was distracted by the arrival of a small white van bearning the logo "Balance Patrol"

"Now what?" thought Beith. "Now what....."

User avatar
Posts: 1445
Joined: 02 Feb 2003, 19:28

Postby frank » 15 Feb 2005, 05:42

Suddenly, a door opens in the air, and in walks...Frank.

"Hey folks," he says, "someone slipped some magic mushrooms in the cider y'all were drinking. For a while, Gladys thought it was pretty funny watching you all hallucinate and stuff, but now you've trashed the Duck and beaten up two sets of cops. Didn't know that? I thought not. Anyway, she offered me free drinks for a month if I'd come in here and give you the antidote."

He looks around, "Or try to, anyway. Wow, the last time I saw this, I was running a 103 degree fever. Now, where was I...."

He reaches into his bag and pulls out a bunch of dixie cups, a bottle of water, and two vials of pills, and puts them all on the ground.

"Now the green pills are the antidote, and if you take one of them, you'll disappear from here and wake up in the Duck. If you take one of the red pills, you'll wake up somewhere else next morning, and you'll have to pay off Gladys next time you go to the Duck. Up to you." He pauses for a moment. "Actually, Gladys only sent me with the green pills. The red pills are something I've been wanting to try out for a while. Maybe I shouldn't have told you about that." He shrugs. "Oh well."

He looks around bemused at the chaos around him, then frowns and pulls out his wand. A swish and a shake later, the dreadful simulacrum of Frank dissolves into mist and blows away. "You guys should know me better than that," he mutters.

Then he smiles, "Wow. You know, I had a pet pigeon for years. Just like that one. Only a little smaller." He starts making a very credible pigeon coo, and a giant pigeon walks over to him. They engage in a delightfully eccentric dance of bowing and cooing.

Then Frank gets on the pigeon's back and says, "Wow, what a neat bird. Well, carry on. I understand that the third wave of cops will be coming into the Duck in about five minutes, so you might want to try those pills first. Otherwise, I have no idea what will happen here. I think that dragon was a police sergeant. Or maybe Gladys."

As the great pigeon leaps into the sky with thundering wings and flies into the west, he says. "Happy Valentine's Day! How delightfully unbalanced this all is!"

And the two vials of pills sit there. And you remember how much Frank knows about mushrooms....

User avatar
Posts: 2307
Joined: 08 Sep 2003, 01:39
Gender: Male
Location: Bard's Hill off the coast of the Atlantic

Postby EarthWard » 15 Feb 2005, 20:06

And...Cut! That's a wrap good people. We got Frank involved in the pub crawl and have restored the balance of the pub. Whooa what a trip!!!

Now we got some awards to pass out.

The nominees for best supporting actress are

Laurelin Tauregwaithalion.
""Predators kill for life. Prey is killed that the predator may live. A life is taken that another may survive another day. The sick will perish. The strong, prevail. So say the Dauntless Tree People; the Tauregwaithalion!"

Ruadh. “I should have listened to the gals at the old hawk’s home….but nooo! I had to prove that I still had what it took to live free and in Balance with Nature!”

Kat Lady. Again she had suffered the indignity of doing something very unladylike with bodily fluids as she wiped the drool from her mouth with her napkin.

Moon Cloud. "why thank-you, a red skittle would be very appropriate. I've often heard reporters say if it bleeds, it leads, and a red skittle would demonstrate that idea very well."

Lady Nimue. .."Something is afoot, m"loves..something is afoot"


Lady Moon Chaser. "Alright Crowmeister, you and I go back a long way, so dont hold back on me...what the heck are you all up to this time?"

And the winner is............silly there are no winners in a pub crawl. We all win!

The nominees for best supporting actor are...

"Well I looked up the program update and it seems that the new program uses 'Balanse 2.0' instead of Balance 2.2! and that threw the spell into a continuous spiral. When the alligator shoes were put into the shoe-balancing machine, with its load of faux alligator hide shoes, it caused the spell to bring me here, to your alligator pit!"

Billy Joe Bob. “Well I swear, I ain’t had a ride like that since I drew Old Number Seven in the bull ridin’ on Day 3 of the 1983 Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.

Donagh MacBran. They all hit the soil (Beith (being afraid) clung herself to Donagh) and there was a bright glare. The tree made a grunting sound like someone who just woke up after a very long deep sleep.


Greymore. Greymore sat thinking about the shoes. He couldn't stop thinking about them. 14" heels, yes, they had to be. They were really boots. Hiking boots. There was something about the tortiseshell trim that reminded him
of his cousin Toshie. Boy, he hadn't heard a word from her in years.

And the winner is......Oh come on you know better than that

The nominees for best actress are

Beith. "Who in Gods name - any God- keeps an alligator pit in their back yard?!"

Beith. "I figured people would be staggering out of there anyway, so they might as well do it in style!"


Beith. "Now what?" thought Beith. "Now what....."

And the winner is.....OKay so there is one winner, big deal, the shoe thing was too funny.

The nominees for best actor are

Crow. “Replace me with this rabble will you? After all the years I’ve spent here? After all the sweat and blood I’ve sacrificed to this hellhole?”



EarhWard. "You mean its not but imagination a stagnation of the brain. Hallucination a fabrication no more real than backwards falling rain?"

And the winner is......I think we all know who that is. :hug:

And the Spirit award goes to Frank! Even if all he did was come in and tell us that we were all tripping nuts it was still a great gesture that he took part in our silliness.

Great Job everybody!!!!

:duir: :tinne: :coll: :ailim: :ruis: :straif: :fearn: :nuin:

This pub crawl was produced by WolfWalker, Inc.

User avatar
Posts: 398
Joined: 20 Feb 2003, 17:37
Gender: Male
Location: Ohio USA

Postby Ruadh » 15 Feb 2005, 21:53

It was great fun, Earthward! Thanks for letting this old hawk participate in the lunacy!


Return to “The Attic”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest