I don't belong here

[Myrde]

Heh, when I think about it... one of the biggest memories always seem to involve food. When I was a little boy, I think anywhere from 6-10... I used to spend warm summer mornings with my friends in the woods, picking wild blueberries and blackberries. Those berries were everywhere... one summer, I even remember one of us finding a raspberry bush. That was a huge thing for us. This was all usually downed with a few sips of honeysuckle nectar.

A few times, we snuck into one of the local farms and stole an ear or two of ripe corn, and sat on the fences, nibbling at it, watching the sunset till our mothers called us for dinner.

Back then, the Earth seemed so magical. So bountiful. It was hard to imagine that anyone could go hungry. Could be hungry.

Anyone whose been reading my posts up till know understand probably where this was an age where Magic was still apart of the world for me.

You know... at one point, a child grows up. And he realises he's no longer a child. He's no longer a little boy.

When I was so very young... I used to watch these films with my family. They were called the Tales of Beatrix Potter. Things like Peter Rabbit. Tom Thumb and Hunca Munca. Tailor of Gloucester. Tom Kitten. Does anyone remember those old films? Those old, magical films?

I didn't.

The last time I watched any of them was when I was 7. I hadn't seen them, or even thought about them, in over 12 years. And then, just the other day... those mice and rabbits and kittens crept back into my brain. I suddenly remembered those old tales, and I searched ferverously for them online. For some reason, I had to see that bit of mychildhood again. I found them easy enough. And watched something I hadnt seen in over a decade. Something that I had forgotten, and had forgotten that I had forgotten.

There's not quite like nostalgia. The old music, artwork and voices... is it shameful to admit that I cried when watching them? Watching those old films of rats trying to bake a kitten into a pudding? Of a rabbit running away from Mr. McGregor? Of Jemimah Puddleduck being seduced by a fox? I don't think so. I don't think it was shameful. Embarassing. Or childish. I was crying over what I had lost. What I no longer had.

My childhood. My youth. Those long passed warm summer morning amidst the blackberry bushes. I didnt think much of them. So Id give anything to go back to them, one last time.

I work in a family buisness and am just trying to keep up with raising money to pay for college tuition. After that, its the work force for me, probably punching numbers into a computer for the rest of my life.

But... before that happens. I'd like to share with you all something. At the beginning and end of each Beatrix Potter film, a song would play. One that I didnt understand when I was younger, and had forgotten. A song that I havent heard in over twelve years, and has affected my spirit journey more now than I think it ever could be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpyw0JxdKgQ

Beautiful, isnt it? When I heard that song... it all came rushing back to me.

That one bit though.. always gets me...

And all of this world
Is for children who play
Days that never end
always should remain

Truer words have never been spoken. Not in the whole history of the human race. Oh sure, you'll fire at me with your Plato, and your philosiphers, and your opinions and your generals and your leaders and a whole host of other wise "intelligent" people.

The Earth is rich and bountiful, with food for us all. It's beauty is never ending and never surpassing. Each sunset and sunrise a gift of art. Each day a gift of life.

What have we done with ourselves? My God... what have we done TO ourselves... there's so many things... I cant even begin to name them. So many unnecessary horrors. Such stupidity...

Why do some people go hungry? Who watches a sunset anymore? How do we spend our gifts of life? By trying to accumulate scraps of paper? And these arent the only ones. THere's millions and millions more... so utterly... unbelievably useless things...

We were given this earth. And we've all but destroyed it.

All of this world is not for politicians. All of this world is not for bankers. All of this world is not lawyers. All of this world is not leaders. All of this world is not for buisnessmen. All of this world is not for people punching numbers into computers. All of this world is not for people trying to get those scraps of paper. All of this world is not for those who desire power. All of this world is not for those who let each day run by, wasted. All of this world is not is not for those who abandone others because its convenient. All of this world is not for atheletes. All of this world is not for celebrities. All of this world is not for the rich or for the poor. The list goes on... and on... and on...

All of this world is for the writers. The Artists. The Poets. The musicians. For those who can stand by a river's edge and skip a stone. For those who can be content to lay under a roof of stars and fall asleep to the sound of crickets. All of this world is for the lovers. The Parents. The farmers. The story tellers. The stargazers. The thinkers. The dreamers. And the children. Anyone who can still gaze at the world with a child-like wonder and still be awed by all it's beauty and fantasy. All of this world is for the children who play.

All of this world is no longer for me.

[Huathe]

Myrde,

Growing up, I was a lot like you. Every place was a new adventure and magical. I saw everything through a child's eyes. Then you grow up and it vanishes. Or much of it does. My favorite Childhood Character was A.A. Milne's Winnie-The-Pooh. I loved the books and the Disney films and I saw much of Milne's 100 acre wood in my life. Around my home. I explored my rural neighborhood with friends, as Winnie would have done. I cherished nature with an open heart. I saw good in all people. I moved away from that place when I was 10 and upon getting older Winnie-The-Pooh was forgotten. My innocence was left behind. I found the adult world to be a hard and often cruel place. But my love of nature never died.

Anyway, to make a really long story short. I heard a song on the radio last year that brought me to tears. Kenny Loggin's " Return to Pooh Corner ". The memories and feelings came flooding back after all those years. I am 46 years old and 8 years old has been a long time ago for me. But the song brought me back to " Pooh Corner ". Maybe you will in some way find your childhood self again. Not all is lost. Druidry is one possible way. It encourages self-exploration. It has helped and still is helping me.

http://groups.google.com/group/entstree ... 302b?hl=en#

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpXUYIOo ... r_embedded

[Frog]

You know... at one point, a child grows up. And he realises he's no longer a child. He's no longer a little boy.

And all of this world
Is for children who play
Days that never end
always should remain

All of this world is no longer for me.

Hi Myrde
Interesting post. i wonder though if we "grow up" - or rather, just forget to continue playing? As we get older, we do start to focus on more "adult things" (such as earning money to pay for college or the house) but we also start to perceive how we think other people think we should behave. Just because we think that people expect us to put away reading comic books, playing with Lego or other toys doesn't mean it should - just perhaps we need to rethink our viewpoint.

It's true that with a greater experience of life we might not feel that playing "cowboys and indians" with our Action Men is really us anymore - or that building Airfix models is beneath us; but look around - the theme parks, the toys that children play with, the books children read are written (in the main) by adults.... all we need to do is re-open the creative child within us and let it loose in the ball park of life.

I helped run a Scout Troop until the end of the last year. We had a team of five leaders, but out of the five of us, two were thought by the scouts (aged 10-15) to be "cool". Why? Because even though we had 25+ years on them (my friend is 67) we would still challenge them to climb the wall, or race on the bicycles, or just... well, just be kids. We didn't stand away from them, above them, we threw the snowballs with them.

if you don't feel you can connect with your inner child, you can always spend 15 minutes regressing. Take out a blank sheet of paper and draw something. Anything. Just don't critique it, don't fault it, don't care if the shading goes over the line, or if it looks nothing like you intended. Just draw something and praise yourself for doing it. You're drawing like a child. You've opened the playbox. (I had decided to use some Lego to illustrate some Scouting knowledge for my Scout blog; several months later I'm still playing - in fact I now have a daily post which uses a small Lego scene!)


I hope that this helps in some small way.
Frog

[Hennie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvWiiUgT8Nk

[Muddy Fox]

The inner child is always there, just sometimes it needs a bit of coaxing. Keep life simple and live in the day, I try to do that, the less you have, the less there is to worry about. My childhood fascination for reading and writing fairytales hs grown with me and developed into the adult search for the otherworld. Ghost stories, the supernatural, miracles, healing, the unkown, the unexpected and always always against all the odds, the trials and tribulations. A happy ending.
I think having kids keeps you connected to the inner child, you can make playdough out of flour, salt and water, a drop of cooking oil and food colouring and make all kinds of weird and wonderful animals and make believe stuff. Bake it in the oven and paint them, we spent many long winter's day doing that, me and my girls. You can go to the park and collect leaves and acorns and do collages and leaf print pictures and have swing races to see who can go the highest. I was always the winner. Then there are songs and stories at bedtime, bubbles in the bath, water fights in the garden with empty washing up bottles. Colouring in pictures with felt tips, ice skating, swimming. The list goes on.... I'll wait for my grandchildren and do it all again.

[skydove]

Hi Myrde,
There is always time to play and capture the magic once more, just keep your heart open. Most people play at hobbies, with children and grandchildren, reading etc, age is no barrier to play and delight in the world.
Often people who on the surface seem to be fully engrossed in jobs and families and trying to make ends meet, when you dig a little deeper and get to know them better can surprise you with a rich inner life that is not apparent on first meeting them and of necessity we have to be many things to many people. As our own life is very complex with many facets to it each person out there is the same incredible mix and surely we can meet them somewhere along the line and share the magic of living.
Some days when we get up life seems hard, people seem horrible and grasping, the country and the world going down a path of self destruction, all black, bleak and negative, other days the birds are singing, people are pleasant and surprising and small things lift you up and your actions seem to help make the world a better place - all part of being human.
I think the trick is to allow yourself to experience the wonder and the joy when it occurs whatever stage of your life you are at and not become trapped by the harsh events that are happening, all things pass, both good and bad, but hang onto that inner child, encourage it, it is your inner self and will get you through the tough bits.

[FoxPhantom]

Hi Myrde. It is a pretty interesting post you added, all so very true while at the same time that life hasn't been always fair either.

I remember almost all the things I did when I was a kid ( since I am still young at heart and at my physical age.), yet growing up is part of life, and so many things that I did before just simply vanished, but finding the things that we done can become a chance to go find our kid self and find the time to play. Even when I draw there are times I enjoy to draw and I am playing with the lines, or playing music that needs no notes.

[shirley mclaren]

I agree. However, the goddess is all around, we have to look for her and trust in her. She will not let you down.

BB

Shirley

[Teileag]

Don't be sad, Myrde, nothing ever is lost, no memory, no feeling, no thought. It just gets burried for a while but it is never lost. You may change your life style but your true self is still there, hidden maybe but never lost... Maybe it is a sign of hope, too, to see so many people in their 30s and 40s (50s and 60s) on this forum returning to their childhood dreams and retrieving those wonderful treasures of stories and songs and food and feelings. We have to go through certain experiences, I think, to learn to value these things, make mistakes, get it wrong, walk down the dead end road to find the magical path back that we skipped along as children. You have choices to make, you don't have to sit on front of a computer all your life! maybe you'll get it wrong for a while but I'm sure you'll get it right eventually... like so many of us ...

[mia]

What a beautiful, sensitive young man you are Myrde.
You are still that child, but he is hidden, maybe scared to come out.
That's why you miss him.
You can still be that innocent child, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Take care Myrde, you are special (hug)

[envelope]

I hereby vow - and invite others to join in with me, if anyone cares to - that I shall never cease to play, cease to goof off now and then in a manner "age inappropriate", or pretend I don't want to jump in the giant multi-colored ball pit (if only that entry gate wasn't so short...)

[Whitemane]

My childhood had its moments, and I was better off than some of my friends, and happier than some too.

However, there was nothing in those days that prepared me for the magic that was to come, like seeing a winter sunrise over the great horshoe bend in the River Severn from atop a high hill, or sitting under a full moon and a clear sky at 2 o'clock in the morning, or being in love for the first time.

Things like that helped me over the very difficult transition from childhood to adulthood.

There is magic in childhood, but the greatest magic comes from the wisdom of accumulated years. There are difficult times, and I think you're in one now, but hold on.

[Branflakes]

All of this world is for the writers. The Artists. The Poets. The musicians. For those who can stand by a river's edge and skip a stone. For those who can be content to lay under a roof of stars and fall asleep to the sound of crickets. All of this world is for the lovers. The Parents. The farmers. The story tellers. The stargazers. The thinkers. The dreamers. And the children. Anyone who can still gaze at the world with a child-like wonder and still be awed by all it's beauty and fantasy. All of this world is for the children who play.

All of this world is no longer for me.

This is beautiful. I may have even shed a tear or two. I'm most likely going to add this to my favorite inspirational quote list.

I loved my childhood, those innocent days. I definitely think that sense of wonder I had when I was younger is still with me today (and has led me down the path I've been--and still am--taking). Needless to say, the childlike awe is a tremendously useful spiritual tool, methinks.

[cat]

Many years ago I used to teach Kayaking.
Most of the time this was to kids and there was always a big element of organised play (games).

I came to teach some adults a more advanced skills weekend in Kayaking . my assistant said to me when I said 'I'm going to play some games with them' 'You can't there Adults.'

I thought why can't i ?

Have they changed that much?

I played the game amongst a load of skills being learnt as a break.

After the game several of the guys said 'i haven't played like that since i was a kid' my responces 'your still a kid inside.' they did learn though i could see it they were more relaxed from that moment on

The big thing though is when we learn we don't always know it. my mind is full of all sorts of junk the trick is linking the stiff i want to use and fun and games and silly phrases like a kid playing with words are what i use.

never grow up just grow older

[momo]

but there must be a reason, why you are here and not somewhere else.....
there must be a reason why you are you and not someone else....
there must be a reason why you ask those questions.....
... treasures want to get digged out.....
good luck, momo

[Dragonwyst]

Ah yes.
I am fortunate. I have never lost touch with my childhood. It has been the mainstay of my sanity. It is now the root of my druidry. I, too, was raised on Beatrix Potter, and remember seeing her house and the beautiful hills where Mrs Tiggywinkle would have lived when I was 5 and we visited England.

But further back - there is the persistent memory of being jsut tall enough to unlock the front door for myself early in the morning while my parents still slept, of stealing out in my pretty shorty-pajamas to dance on the dewy lawn. I would pretend it was diamonds. I also had to visit every flower and plant to check on it's progress. It was a relationship. Somehow I was as immportant to those flowers, shrubs and trees as they were to me.

When I was a bit older, I remember being entranced by the story in my weekly comic of Silva the wild girl who lived with a herd of horses that came when she called them. I was that wild girl, and I tapped into my own wildness. The feeling of it, I have never forgotten. That is what I draw on and connect with when I go out alone among trees. That is why after leaving the church, druidry is a homecoming.

[Willowen]

I hereby vow - and invite others to join in with me, if anyone cares to - that I shall never cease to play, cease to goof off now and then in a manner "age inappropriate", or pretend I don't want to jump in the giant multi-colored ball pit (if only that entry gate wasn't so short...)

Well, count me in. I remember once explaining to a houseguest the reason for a three foot high dollhouse in my living room. "I am going through my second childhood," I said. My son remarked, "That's funny Mom. What makes you think you ever got out of the first one?" I took it as a compliment.
As mentioned before in the thread, sometimes life brings many things that are hard to deal with. Things that brought us comfort as children, can often ease the pain of a cruel adult world.
Also, I believe that coloring in color books is excellent therapy.

[Cynon]

I've just turned 60 and I still get excited about what I might be when I grow up.

[Jack Greenman]

I don't think it was shameful. Embarassing. Or childish. I was crying over what I had lost. What I no longer had.

My childhood. My youth. Those long passed warm summer morning amidst the blackberry bushes. I didnt think much of them. So Id give anything to go back to them, one last time.

I work in a family buisness and am just trying to keep up with raising money to pay for college tuition. After that, its the work force for me, probably punching numbers into a computer for the rest of my life.

Myrde,
Try not to weep over your "lost" childhood; be glad that you had such a fulfilled childhood!

What you experienced in childhood is not lost. The reading, writing and arithmetic that you learned as a child in primary school will stand you in good stead throughout your life - and so will the capability to wonder and imagine that you acquired among the blackberry bushes.

You may not realise this yet, but as an old man, you will be the sum of what you were as a child, a teenager, a young adult and a mature adult. At 20, you're still in an intensive learning phase. The lessons you're learning now are more important at this age than the lessons you learned ten years ago.
We should never stop learning, of course, but with increasing age our emphasis shifts from learning new things towards applying the things we have already learnt. And then the things we learned as children start to resurface, along with what we learn during vocational training and through activities shared with other men and women. It is a good thing to get the most out of each phase of your life - and that means enjoying each phase as it comes, each in its different way.

I remember that when I was a child, I was always glad I was the age I was. Children a class below me at school seemed ignorant and infantile, and couldn't do the adventurous things that my friends and I could do. Children a class above me had to play games that wouldn't have been fun for me, and had to learn really difficult stuff at school. I didn't envy them! I'm glad to say that I've kept this attitude ever since, even as pensioner. I don't envy those who still have to work for a living (though I enjoy working part-time), and I don't envy those who are so old that they can't work, or make music, or cycle through the woods any more. And I'm glad that I recall what it was like to be a child, because it brings me closer to my dear little granddaughter!

So "gather ye rosebuds while ye may!" They'll make a lovely pot-pourri later on ...

Blessings,
Jack Greenman

[GrayFire]

Wow, wow It is interesting that I "happened" to find this particular posting, because just before I found it and it found me, I had several thoughts and such on a few different subjects and I was searching and pondering on where may be the most appropriate forum/sub-forum to place some of my combined thoughts in. Then this post and myself found each other.

As I read this, "I don't belong here" post and the various responses to it, I realized that what Myrde initially posted, along with the various responses by others here, actually cover a lot of the thoughts that I was searching for the most appropriate forum to place them in. I am deeply moved and touched by what all of you wrote because I personally relate to and see and feel my own self and life in it all.

I have limited time at this moment now, but I assure that I will indeed return to this exact forum to respond more about my own related experiences. I want to from every part of my Being offer my gratitude to Myrde and everyone who responded here. I feel so honored to have read everything here. Blessings to all.