My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
- Aoife
- OBOD Bard
- Posts: 129
- Joined: 21 Jul 2011, 16:03
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- Location: San Luis Obispo, CA
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My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
I've gotten involved in epilepsy awareness recently (I have epilepsy) and I've entered an art contest and in addition to that I've submitted art in several mediums including writing poems. They are in the style, from what I understand, the "Bardic method" meaning they tell a story rather than follow a pattern. Becoming involved in this has really helped "the healing process" for me and it's become more than just telling people about what it's like for me and for others it's EXPRESSING it and it really helps suck the pain, worry and doubt out of me! Art is truly wonderful! Please let me know what you then of them! (They are long, sorry. No need to finish both if you don't want to)
#1 Am I Dreaming?
The blurred storm slowly gains focus
The faces pushed in are so close to mine
They shout and they cry
But I am deaf to it all.
Was it a dream?
Dizzily I sit up
I wipe the back of my hand across my face
Blood stains the ivory skin
I stare fascinated.
Such contrast!
It hasn't sunk in yet.
Am I still dreaming?
Blood on my face, shirt and hands.
There is a mess to clean up!
I try to stand up.
But these grasping hands hold me.
They come seemingly from nowhere and everywhere
They haul me up
Put me on the bed
Floating between that inky pool of blissful darkness and
these worried faces.
Seizure...seizure....seizure
The susurrus voices slowly bring me back
Not again! I worried them again!
The tears start to flow and I cry out
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
The floating faces seem exasperated that I would apologize.
The apology becomes my mantra.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
My head is pounding now and I wait for people to tell me what to do.
Already knowing that I will say no.
No ambulance. No hospital.
This has happened all before.
#2 More Than You Let Me Be
My eyes open and they won't focus.
I blink and I see the faces.
They look at me with fear and with worry.
The convulsion, blood and the guttural screaming frightens them
It scares me too.
"It's like you knew" they said.
It's like I knew...
That's the catalyst and my life as a glass figurine begins.
Viewed as thin and fragile and to be set up on the shelf.
Pretty but useless.
I pretend like I don't notice
I know they are watching me.
Don't take my usefulness from me.
I'm the ticking time bomb. I'm the danger.
How foolish are you? Don't you know?
I'm still the same.
I'm more than you let me be.
I'm still the same.
Tell me, who do you want me to be?
The way you treat me makes me feel different.
Tainted. Sick. Diseased.
I clench my fists and smile.
What you don't know
Can hurt me
Don't make me different.
I'm still the same.
I reach my low and float in the darkness.
I see the light. My light.
But there is something wrong. It's not white.
It's red.
I'm more than you let me be.
Sad thoughts turn into depression
From depression into rage.
Why won't you let me be more than a disease?
My vulnerability doesn't mean I am without a weapon.
Even if I get knocked to the ground
I will pick myself up and begin again.
Lock those black truths up again.
And turn my face towards the sun again.
I feel the pure white orb of my soul and think.
I'll show you that I am more than a disease.
#1 Am I Dreaming?
The blurred storm slowly gains focus
The faces pushed in are so close to mine
They shout and they cry
But I am deaf to it all.
Was it a dream?
Dizzily I sit up
I wipe the back of my hand across my face
Blood stains the ivory skin
I stare fascinated.
Such contrast!
It hasn't sunk in yet.
Am I still dreaming?
Blood on my face, shirt and hands.
There is a mess to clean up!
I try to stand up.
But these grasping hands hold me.
They come seemingly from nowhere and everywhere
They haul me up
Put me on the bed
Floating between that inky pool of blissful darkness and
these worried faces.
Seizure...seizure....seizure
The susurrus voices slowly bring me back
Not again! I worried them again!
The tears start to flow and I cry out
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
The floating faces seem exasperated that I would apologize.
The apology becomes my mantra.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
My head is pounding now and I wait for people to tell me what to do.
Already knowing that I will say no.
No ambulance. No hospital.
This has happened all before.
#2 More Than You Let Me Be
My eyes open and they won't focus.
I blink and I see the faces.
They look at me with fear and with worry.
The convulsion, blood and the guttural screaming frightens them
It scares me too.
"It's like you knew" they said.
It's like I knew...
That's the catalyst and my life as a glass figurine begins.
Viewed as thin and fragile and to be set up on the shelf.
Pretty but useless.
I pretend like I don't notice
I know they are watching me.
Don't take my usefulness from me.
I'm the ticking time bomb. I'm the danger.
How foolish are you? Don't you know?
I'm still the same.
I'm more than you let me be.
I'm still the same.
Tell me, who do you want me to be?
The way you treat me makes me feel different.
Tainted. Sick. Diseased.
I clench my fists and smile.
What you don't know
Can hurt me
Don't make me different.
I'm still the same.
I reach my low and float in the darkness.
I see the light. My light.
But there is something wrong. It's not white.
It's red.
I'm more than you let me be.
Sad thoughts turn into depression
From depression into rage.
Why won't you let me be more than a disease?
My vulnerability doesn't mean I am without a weapon.
Even if I get knocked to the ground
I will pick myself up and begin again.
Lock those black truths up again.
And turn my face towards the sun again.
I feel the pure white orb of my soul and think.
I'll show you that I am more than a disease.
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- OBOD Bard
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
These offer such an insight to someone who doesnt have epilepsy, and dare I say it, amongst the painful vulnerability which you describe there is also a hint of a place gone to which might be quite extraordinary, even with no conscious knowledge? thank you for sharing this moving work.
Blessed be.
Blessed be.
- Aoife
- OBOD Bard
- Posts: 129
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
Thanks for replying.
I've heard stories from people that have experienced some extraordinary things...like this girl said she had visions but he doctor called them "hallucinations" but what she sees before she seizes has really influenced her artwork. She asked me if I see these things and I told her no. It comes on too fast and unexpected and it's just like someone whacks me with a hammer and I'm out. Someone just flips the "off" switch. I'm on certain on what type of seizures she's had but I'm tempted to guess petite mals. People with those tends to know when they are going to have one...so perhaps those sorts of people are also prone to having visions/hallucinations.
The artist prefers to believe she is seeing glimpses into another plane of existence. I like her version better than her doctor's.
I've heard stories from people that have experienced some extraordinary things...like this girl said she had visions but he doctor called them "hallucinations" but what she sees before she seizes has really influenced her artwork. She asked me if I see these things and I told her no. It comes on too fast and unexpected and it's just like someone whacks me with a hammer and I'm out. Someone just flips the "off" switch. I'm on certain on what type of seizures she's had but I'm tempted to guess petite mals. People with those tends to know when they are going to have one...so perhaps those sorts of people are also prone to having visions/hallucinations.
The artist prefers to believe she is seeing glimpses into another plane of existence. I like her version better than her doctor's.
- Vincent
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
I'll show you that I am more than a disease.
Wow, these poems are really powerful and gives such a great insight, My daughter has Epilepsy because of the scar tissue from her brain injury which tragically left her with the mental age of a baby, she cannot talk or communicate with me and I've often wondered what she might be feeling, that last line "I'll show you that I am more than a disease" did actually make me cry and hit me right in the heart, you are a wonderful talent
Blessings /|\
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- Leyawenn
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
[soundtrack https://youtu.be/Z5kmqm863Hs ]
there's this older video with a girl on the spectrum , on the high support part of it.
she wasn't able to communicate back, until as a teenager she got a laptop and started typing.
she was then able to share her inner thoughts, and people in general, her dad included, discovered what an amazing inner life she had. just a typical girl in the world.
there's this older video with a girl on the spectrum , on the high support part of it.
she wasn't able to communicate back, until as a teenager she got a laptop and started typing.
she was then able to share her inner thoughts, and people in general, her dad included, discovered what an amazing inner life she had. just a typical girl in the world.
- Vincent
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
Such a beautiful story with a great outcome for that family which is lovely to see.Leyawenn wrote: β09 Nov 2021, 21:43 [soundtrack https://youtu.be/Z5kmqm863Hs ]
there's this older video with a girl on the spectrum , on the high support part of it.
she wasn't able to communicate back, until as a teenager she got a laptop and started typing.
she was then able to share her inner thoughts, and people in general, her dad included, discovered what an amazing inner life she had. just a typical girl in the world.
I don't mean to be depressing but our story wasn't as fortunate.
My daughter suffered her brain injury at the age of 8, I was lead to believe it was like βlocked in syndromeβ So I fund raised and put everything into getting her getting better, I thought once she physically improved, sheβd be better, I had so much hope, made videos and told everyone she was going to get better, but it werenβt until she physically improved I realized people hadn't been totally honest with me, Iβm glad I done what I done but found out some vital information had been kept from me, sadly her brain damage was irreversible and the doctors always knew that but hid that information from me, she tragically went from an intelligent happy little girl with her whole life ahead, to having to live with the mental age of a baby for the rest of her life.
Unfortunately this was revealed to me as a 'medical fact' many years later. I don't want to go into to much detail but it's really bad. Sometimes things are just terrible and all we can do is learn to live with the pain and nightmare's that comes with that, making the best of a very dark situation for her. I love hearing the stories like the one you shared though, I want and wish the best for everyone, the inner life my daughter has, is important to me and all we can do is make that as best we can for her x
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- Leyawenn
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
i am sorry for triggering unhappy memories.
didn't mean to.
i guess even as a forever baby she still has her own inner world, thoughts, emotions. all of that. despite not expressing them.
that's what i was trying to say.
i read somewhere that musical therapy (like singing or learning an instrument) may be of some use.
didn't mean to.
i guess even as a forever baby she still has her own inner world, thoughts, emotions. all of that. despite not expressing them.
that's what i was trying to say.
i read somewhere that musical therapy (like singing or learning an instrument) may be of some use.
- Vincent
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
Itβs ok, I know your intentions are only loving and kind β‘Leyawenn wrote: β10 Nov 2021, 00:53 i am sorry for triggering unhappy memories.
didn't mean to.
i guess even as a forever baby she still has her own inner world, thoughts, emotions. all of that. despite not expressing them.
that's what i was trying to say.
i read somewhere that musical therapy (like singing or learning an instrument) may be of some use.
You are spot on as the Musical therapy is something we got booked for her, sheβs had it before and itβs amazing, the people who come out are so talented and play instruments and sing to her, I can tell it makes her happy we got a lot of plans for her and are planning to move home next year to be closer to a place called βEden Project Northβ
π°πππ ππππππ πππππ πππ ππππ πππππ, πππππ ππ πππ πππ, ππππ ππ πππππ πππ πΏππππ.
- Leyawenn
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Re: My Epilepsy Awareness Poems
beautiful β‘
wishing you good luck and many many lovely new memories with Eden Project North.
wishing you good luck and many many lovely new memories with Eden Project North.